“Stealing“ a name - cardinal sin? (From potential stealer)

28 replies

Changedname81 · 17/04/2020 14:06

Nine years ago my close friend was pregnant and discussing baby names with me - she wanted my opinion and the name she had I said “oh that’s been my favourite name since I was 11 and started getting into Greek mythology”. Of course she chose the name.

Nothing particularly special or unique to many - Phoebe . To me this name just sparkles and I LOVE it. Call me dramatic but it’s the name I’ve wanted for almost 30 years.

I was pregnant at the beginning of the year and she asked me about names. I said I was going to wait until baby was here (not strictly true). Long story short I sadly miscarried at 11 wks.

So whilst admittedly it’s not an issue at present I will hopefully in future be able to carry a healthy pregnancy (wish me luck lovely ladies) and if it’s a girl I’d love to use “my” name...

What tack do I take?

Sit down and have a chat about it and get her feelings?
When ( 🤞🏻) I get pregnant again and she asks about my names say “well as you know, Phoebe is my fave girls name...” and let that start a convo
Or just not announce and introduce? (My anxiety will probably not let me do this)

I realise this is all speculative, I might not get pregnant again/ it might be a boy.

One thing is for sure though, this is the name I love and to not use it on a girl would make me feel so sad.

(If you’re having a bad day and want to come on and be mean, is there any chance you could not cause I’m 4weeks out of a m/c and still feeling pretty fragile.)

Hope you’re all doing ok and keeping safe.

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ChrisPrattsFace · 17/04/2020 14:20

Just in conversation I’d she ever asks ‘oh I like simple names like Jane, phoebe, Emily or William Edward and Percy’
Put it in a list and see if she an unreasonable reaction to it.
A friend of ours chose our ‘second choice’ name 5 months after ours was born, I wouldn’t care if they had the same name! They’ll meet another namesake at some point unless you old or unique!
Good luck for a healthy future pregnancy!

FortunesFave · 17/04/2020 14:18

So sorry for your loss. '

How often do you see her? I mean...if it's a really good friend and you see her often, don't you feel rather as though the name isn't 'yours' anymore? But rather her DDs? Don't you equate it with her child?

I think most people would....

I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with it...using the name...I've never been someone bothered by that. A friend of a friend stole my newborn DD"s name for hers and openly admitted it and I genuinely didn't care a bit.

If she's a good friend but you don't see her much, use the name. If she's the sort to get annoyed...to the extent she might not be your mate any more...well, is that really someone you WANT to be friends with anyway?

Anotheronetwo · 17/04/2020 14:14

I'm sure it will be fine to use the name you love. Your children are very different ages and if they know each other might quite like being big and little Phoebe.

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