My mum won't call my son by his name

No don't give in! It's not quite the same thing because my DStepF is actually quite lovely BUT for some reason came up with a somewhat random nickname for DD very early on - like he literally announced it 'I've decided her nickname and we were just like oh... right?!? Didnt think too much of it really as me and StepSis also have 'names' but he still uses our actual names most of the time so they are proper nicknames - think 'twinky'

What's weird is with my dd it's actually longer than her short perfectly normal name - it's actually two separate names eg. so her name could be 'Elaine' but he calls her 'Janey Buzzfruit' and he constantly does it - like I have only heard her actual name from his mouth like 5 times. My DM also occasional uses it but mostly just her name.

My point is however my now nearly 4year old has actually started correcting him a few time over skype - "No grandad, my name is Elaine not Janey Buzzfruit!" Or "I'm Elaine, but grandad calls me Janey Buzzfruit - he is silly!" In a sort of exasperated voice like she thinks he is kind of stupid! - it's hilarious because it totally comes from her we haven't made a big deal out of it! She is learning her letters at the moment and obviously recognises name so your DS will probably put your DM in her place eventually they have no filters they dont worry about offending anyone they say what they think!

Have you thought about going very low contact...or even no contact.

Just one more bit of advice OP.... if this is how she is, I wouldn’t tell her when you go into labour. You don’t need someone like that rocking up to the hospital and upsetting you.

She sounds thick as pig shit tbh. That along with the abusiveness would be enough for me to cut contact.

Agree with potteringalong. I know you're excited but keep names to yourselves. There will always be someone who will try and put you off a name (yes mother, looking at you. I still regret not naming dd2 Eliza). I think you're giving your mother too much power and ammunition by engaging with her.

Your mother sounds a lot like mine although mine never drank - she was a total cow when even sober. Even just after having given birth to a beautiful boy - her first grandson - she rang me while I was still in hospital to harangue me and tell me what SHE wanted to call my son. She reduced me to tears but I didn't give in - he was MY son and his name was my choice. She just had to get used to it and she did.

It’s certainly not unheard of babies to refuse a chosen name or to name themselves.

In what batshit universe, @Awwlookatmybabyspider? Maybe you should mosey over to the Birdie Friend thread and suggest some more unlikely content there.

Just ignore her and cut her off, I'd switch my phone off every night tbh

My "D"M tried this one, I just said, "no, you got the chance to name your children, we are naming ours" and she stopped.

I would only respond to her when she's being nice and I'd stop her from coming to your home completely. Maybe get a chain fitted, and learn to say, it's not convenient now Mum, I'll call you later".

Also, before the baby arrives, learn the phrase "it works for us" and use it as a standard reply every time she tries to comment on your parenting.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider wtf are you on?

see what the baby actually looks like when he arrives then choose? he won't look like anything op doesn't want to name him. She's picked one, she doesn't need to know if his ears are big or small or his feet are straight or wonky.
OP just name him your name and every time she calls him BJ (sure to get him picked on when he's 11!!) ignore her. If you're not sure if her behaviour is OK, ask your DH, he seems sensible about it

You're a grown up OP. Keep your mother at arms length as she doesn't sound very nice and call your baby whatever you like. If she carries on being ridiculous, just ignore her.

What if she wants to be known as Maddie when she’s older though. You can’t exactly be saying to her when she’s 25. Don’t call yourself Maddie, can you.

I'm a little afraid of my mum because she can make my life horrendous she is so controlling and abusive (when drunk)

There's a very easy response to that - give her one warning that if she continues you will have to go no contact. When she ignores you, send her one more message pointing out that you did warn her, she has left you with no alternative and that you will be blocking her on all methods of communication. However, if she is prepared to shut up about your baby's name and stop abusing you you might reconsider.

Why are you even talking about names with anyone other than your DH for a child who won’t even be born for another 3 months?! Just stop discussing it.

He is your child not your mother's so call him whatever makes you happy. If she calls him a different name correct her. My youngest is called Madison and I don't like the name Maddie..When she was younger a few people called her Maddie and I continously corrected them until it eventually registered

Ahh that is just bizarre. She is weird!
It has absolutely nothing to do with her what you name your child.
I do think because of the issues she clearly creates for you already that you should try and nip this in the bud asap. Or once little Harry arrives she'll get way way worse.
Stand up to her, get your DH involved too for support.
I'd begin with - Mum I'm not happy with what you're calling HARRY. That is his name, please use it.
If she still does it I'd tell her she was annoying me now and if she can't use her grandsons correct name then she won't be welcome around him.
You can and have every right to call her out.

I'm astonished she seriously wants to call her grandchild BJ. For goodness sake, tell her what it stands for, it should shut her up on that front at least.

Neither my parents nor my DH’s mum like the name I picked out. One of my parents calls him something entirely different and we just let him - he’s the one who will look silly when DS gets older and starts questioning it.

Beau James! what the hell.

I'd call her blow job every time she calls him BJ

But actually seriously, it's better not to engage.

You need to get it straight in your head now. What power does your mother have over your decisions?

The power to make you feel really really uncomfortable? The power to make you feel disobedient? The power to make you feel cruel and cold?

Get it straight in your head now that you won't react, you won't explain yourself (as that buys in to her narrative that you need her approval to choose your own baby's name!). Just avoid communicating with her for now.

The next time you do something that she hasn't approved of, resist the temptation to defend your decision. YOu don't need to defend your decision.

But even you aren’t calling him Harry. Are you even sure that you want the name or Maybe he’s telling you he doesn’t like it.
It’s certainly not unheard of babies to refuse a chosen name or to name themselves.

Tell her if she doesn't call your son by his correct name she will not be welcome to see him.

I'm scared that when my baby arrives she will control me and manipulate me into doing things her way.

You have absolutely all the power here. Start acting like you do.

I would immediately of text her back telling her not to call my child after a sex act and hope that would shut her up

When my DD was born my mum wanted to call her a different shortened version of her name than us, think Rosemary being shortened to Rose or Mary as an example. We just ignored her. She soon started calling her the name we wanted.

As for the phone calls etc, just don't answer it when it rings if it's her. It's easy!