My mum won't call my son by his name

I'm scared that when my baby arrives she will control me and manipulate me into doing things her way

This is your problem, not your baby's name - you have an abusive relationship with her. Now is an ideal time to draw line in the sand and do some research, talk to a counsellor on the phone, read the Stately Homes thread and walk away from her.

You surely don't want her ruining your child's life too do you? Can your DP help you with this? Are there any other family, your Dad? Siblings?

You really need to come to grips with the fact your mum is toxic and you'd be better off going low/no contact with her. Especially when you have the baby. It's sad, but she'll be no sort of person to lean on when you're vulnerable. Put in solid boundaries, stop letting her bully and manipulate yo, don't see or speak to her if that's what it takes.

Harry is a perfectly normal name.

It’s none of her business what you call your child.

Please don’t take any notice of her.

Congratulations, by the way!

My son is a Harry and he really likes his name. He gets more Harry Potter comments than Prince Harry but it doesn't bother him as our surname isn't Potter and it's not a bad association.

Totally not the point of the thread but the name BJ is cruel.

You need to look up the grey rock technique and sharing so much. Pretend that you've not chosen a name yet, don't tell her when you go in labour - contact her afterwards etc

Giving in to her just makes the batshit reactions worse. She will try to control your child and you need to stop that.

Please consider going no contact or at least low-contact to at least protect your h and baby. This is no way to live.

Honestly, the name is kind of irrelevant. I'd be thinking very hard about what exposure I would want my son to have to someone who is abusive and has a drink problem.

Stick with it and then I hope you find the strength to go low contact at the very least. She sounds awful.

Call your child whatever you want. there is no need for here to control or manipulate you. There is absolutely no need for her to be involved in your life or your child's if she can't be a positive part of it.

Talk to her, give her the option to be involved or not and let her know that these are the only options in her control.

Over my dead body would someone call my child BJ.

I get where your mum is coming from but at the end of the day you and your OH are the ones naming your baby and that is all that matters. I have a cousin who has in my books a horrendous name, one I have never liked. Fortunately it is double-barrelled with a nicer name that I do like so I call him by his initials as many others do. Wonder if I am not the only one who dislikes his name. For info, it's not Harry. You could do the royal thing and call him Henry

Congratulations x x x
It sounds as if you have a supportive husband & soon a long awaited baby. Don’t let anyone undermine & spoil that.
As a mum your child will look to you , don’t let that joy be overshadowed by the actions of a jealous woman. Not to acknowledge a child’s name is wrong and if your mum wants to play mind games don’t let her near your child
My lovely mum was bullied by my gran since childhood . She always believed she was not worthy of being loved, and was ugly even though she was the loveliest kindest person I’ve ever known. Some of her insecurities have rubbed off on me too.
Don’t allow your mum to Strip away your child’s sense of self

By turning the phones off you’ve shown you and your husband have the strength to not play her games .
It’s up to you now how much power you give her to hurt her.you.
But anyone who thinks it’s acceptable to not acknowledge a child by its name and ridicule things like hair etc isn’t some9ne I’d want in their life.

And I love red hair x x

I would stop discussing the baby with her.

Jump onto the stately homes thread. You have bigger problems than a naming spat and there's a lot of wisdom and advice on there from posters who are dealing/dealt with abusive parents.

Tell her she won’t be hanging out with Harry if she can’t get his name right.

Ignore her. Your baby = your rules. She sounds rather vile

Congratulations! Especially after a 4 year wait then l think you should thoroughly enjoy your baby and it’s not fair if she spoils it for you

Awww my son is called Harry nn haribo

Your mum is silly

My friends sister had a baby (many years ago now) and calmed him a name they suited her. Her parents never used it. They called him John. It’s very very rude to do that and I would have stopped contact if my wishes were not accepted. Do keep quiet and keep your distance. A wonderful baby will arrive for you and DH. Don’t let your DM spoil it!!

Tell her actually you like the BJ initial idea.
And he is to be Boris John.

And stop telling her anything, ever

"when is the baby due"
"oh in July sometime"
"what day"
"I need the loo!" laugh leave

"What is your birth plan"
"Oh I've no idea, so many different ways to do it, I might just try them all"
laugh

"You need to get a cot"
"really, you don't say" laugh

"why won't you tell me anything"
"Harry asked me not to" rub your bump, laugh

Your biggest problem is seeking her approval. Stop caring. Start seeing her silly meddling as an amusing diversion. If she annoys you leave. It is all good practise for if you have a very stubborn toddler.

Just let her call him what she wants. It's making her look bad but so be it. My brother Evan was called Kevin by my gran for years and it actually became a family joke of how batty my gran was. That's what may happen here for you x

Control and manipulate you?
If she tries you shut her down. Hang up if you have to. Go low or no contact if she persists.
You need to worry about you and your child.

If she says "BJ again" say 'what like Blow Job?' and then repeatedly tell people your mum is always talking about blow jobs. Do hand gestures and that gross thing boys at school did with their tongue in their cheek. I bet she stops then. You are going to be a mother - stop allowing her to bully you and be clear - my baby, my rules, any shit and you won't see them - ever. I did this and have 4 well behaved grandparents to my DC whereas my poor DB and BIL have no end of interference and crap.

When the baby is born if she calls him anything else immediately pick him up and leave - the house if you're at hers and the room at home. Do not return. When she has a tantrum roll your eyes and walk off again. Be very very strong - slightly obnoxious even and rip the plaster off. It's the only way.

You have far bigger problems than the name. Run as fast and as far away from her as you can.

ignore it all. she is looking for confrontation.
so sorry you are going through this with her but enjoy your baby.

I just wouldn’t engage with her. You’ve chosen a name and that is that, she has had her chance. Knowing what your Mum is like it would have been better to announce the name once the baby was here so as not to open up a debate but as it’s too late for that now I would just go with refusing to be drawn.

In a few years time if she hasn’t simmered down your Child will be correcting her himself.

Please don’t let this ruin any part of your pregnancy. I’m so sorry your Mum isn’t capable of just being thrilled she has a grandchild on the way .