My mum won't call my son by his name

If she won't call him by the name you have chosen then tell her she simply won't see him.

Exactly what is it she can really do to make your life a misery? Send nasty texts? Block her. Show up at your house? Don't answer the door.

There is nothing written in stone that says we have to put up with someone who doesn't add positivity to our lives, even if that person is a parent.

Is there something you really truly need from her? hildcare? Does she provide money/things that you must have in order to live? No? Then you don't need her in your life.

Has she ever asked how you're feeling, throughout your pregnancy? Is it all about her?

It’s your kid, so yes you stick with Harry if you like it. If I ever have a boy it’s one of the names I like too.

Absolutely you stick with Harry - if you cave on this you will regret it forever and just set a precedent of her thinking she can bully you into submission.

I think from the rest of your post you have a number of issues with your Mum that need dealing with and the name is just the final straw...

Congrats on your beautiful baby.... if I were you I'd tell her that you think she's right, you're going to go with Harry William instead.

My mum took the mickey out of my son's name before he was born. She hadn't realised how much it had hurt me. It led to us not registering or choosing a name until he was 5 days old. She ended up ringing me saying why don't you call him "x", if that's what you like, he's your son. Now she says she loves his name and it really suits him.

My nan on the other hand who is genuinely a horrible person, always tries to make up nicknames of his full name. Fortunately we only see her twice a year.

Block her then. You're an adult with a family of your own to focus on now. I blocked my Mum years ago - she's one of those women who hates all women, including her own daughters - and my life is better for lack of her, especially without her drunken goings on and bitterness. I know it's not easy - I do at times wish I had a good Mum when I see others talk about all their Mum does for and with them but, I don't. & You don't. So don't let your Mum spoil your precious family life. If she can't behave then she is ignored totally, that's it.

Beau? Like a horse? Mine is Beau, so is another one at the yard, plus multiple dogs I know. Weird.

This is your baby, OP. Maybe it’s time to set some clearer boundaries with your mum. If she tries to tell you what to call your child, be strong and tell her to get lost. That’s ridiculous of her. I’m sure your dh will support you. You’re allowed to tell her to go away and you’re allowed to go non contact with her if she’s being aggressive and a pita.

You need to cut this horrible woman out of your life. She will use your son against you and manipulate him too.

You are an adult with a DH and a baby on the way. A whole new family unit.

Stop being so concerned about what your mother says and does. If she's rude to you on the phone, just hang up on her, or tell her that you are a grown-up, not a child, and you don't have to do what she says any more.

Yes you absolutely call him Harry. It’s a fine name and one you love. And that is that.

So now you know she needs a lot less info /input around your lives.
My mil never had my mobile number and life was much less stressful than it would have been....

Before your baby arrives, read ''Nice Girl Syndrome'' by Dr Beveryley Engol
And ''Running on Empty'' by Dr Jonice Webb

Congratulations on your pregnancy, take care of yourself. Try not to stress over your MIL

Your MIL sounds like she never made it past the toddler stage... sadly... don't let her control you she will never change if you give into her every wish. You stick with what you and your husband want.

Best wishes

When you got the positive pregnancy test did she get more interested as she was going to be a grandmother, or did you start giving her more information? Or a bit of both?

Lots of readymade vague, non-event answers is what you need.

What is his name going to be? Don't know, haven't decided.
How are you going to feed him? Um, with milk?
Where are you going to give birth? Wherever's best for him
Can I have him over night? May be later when he's 36
When's your due date? Not sure. Anyway those things are so inaccurate

And so on. Don't share anything about midwife appointments, new baby checks, decisions about vaccinations, weaning, what colour socks he is going to wear. Just proceed on a need to know basis.

This is why you don't tell people names until baby is born. I told my family my son's name before he was born (Harry funnily enough!) and some members felt the need to tell me how much they hated it. I stuck to my guns and four years later, nobody mentions they didn't like the name. She will get over it.

I agree with @DishingOutDone

That's why you need to take a mental step back OP. What can she do to control you?

What she can do is manipulate your emotions. She can................make you feel bad.

Which sounds like a trite response in answer to ''what can she do?'' but you have to retrain yourself to respond to her manipulations by just sitting with the excruciating discomfort that comes from feeling guilty/ungrateful/cruel/dramatic. (whatever you've been manipulated in to feeling).

Do not try to get rid of those feelings by going BACK to her to defend your choices or seek her approval.

Sit with the feelings. Eventually they diminish and pass.

And then, the next time, the feelings aren't quite so excruciatingly awful.

I would start off calling her by various names that she doesnt like, then I would pay her back for all the rest of it
she's got it coming:)

I had a similar problem with MIL. We decided to keep the name to ourselves until she was born but DH told MIL behind my back what we had picked. She went on and on that she didn't like it and thought the name was "common". I stood my ground and said we liked it and we were sticking with it. For the rest of the pregnancy she kept suggesting names, I would just humour her. When she was born we named her the name we picked, about 6 hours after I had given birth she tried to tell me that we were making a mistake with the name we had picked. Needless to say, I stuck with it and she is 2 now. She hasn't mentioned it since. I think DH had a word with her on the quiet!

Well, if she has such little respect for you and your child, her grandchild, that she won't use his name, then she won't be seeing him.

If she decides to grow up and pull her head out of her arse then perhaps you can consider allowing her to have a relationship with him.

Do I stick with Harry? - I cannot believe you are asking this question!!!!

Tell her she either calls him by his name or you will keep him at a distance from her, so that he does not get confused. Gosh she sounds like a prize cow!!!

I agree with PP - I would be thinking about going VL or NC.

Maybe suggest your mum posts “her” issue over the name on Gransnet....“to get some opinions”?

That should sort her out 😂

Among other things, it sounds like your mum is an alcoholic. NACOA is a really good organisation. Why don't you give them a call? www.nacoa.org.uk/