My mum won't call my son by his name

Just to warn you that we had decided on a name and second name before Dd was born.

Whilst I was in the hospital before Dd was born one of the midwives walked in, chewing gum and I took an instant dislike to her.

She asked me what name we had chosen.

We said the name and she exclaimed that was her name.

That put me off the name to start with

Then Dd was born and we both took one look at her and decided that the name we had chosen just wasn’t the right one.

All I can say is be flexible

You might take one look at Harry when he arrives and think that actually he is more a Charles or Henry or Xavier

Prince Harry’s real name is Henry - Harry is just his nickname. Not that her reasoning makes any sense, but therefore he isn’t going to have a royal name anyway.

I think you need to start phasing your mother out of your life.

Small, tiny tangent but the royalty comment doesn't make much sense. The (ex) royal she's referring was actually christened Henry...

I told my mum what names I was thinking of and she said 'oh right, that's nice'' or something. It was my xMIL who used to say ''no. You have to think of the child''. I stupidly engaged with her which just fuelled her erroneous belief that she had some entitlement to input. She wanted me to name the baby after her late second husband who she'd left the first husband for. It was a very ordinary name and the connection wouldn't necessarily have been made, but honestly, what was going on in her head!?

I think you should eliminate her from your life. She will always cause you misery and stress. Now you have your own family - if she is going to be so horrible don't let her join in on the fun.

Keep saying who is Beau and say you are worried she is getting dementia to anyone she says it to.

Harry nn Harribo is the most gorgeous name 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Stick with Harry (good taste- I have a Harri James!) .

You can’t continue to let her have power over you. If you change your mind she will have won. Those tactics will have worked and she will continue to bully and harass you and your kids into submission forever. (I can guarantee from experience that her behaviour will get worse as she ages, not better. This woman is not going to be a sweet, loving granny, but a bitter, angry one who plays favourites and is very manipulative.) You need to start drawing your line in the sand at all times now.

Of course you should call him the lovely name that you've chosen. Take your power back. Do not engage with your mother on this issue. Have you heard of 'grey rock'? Don't engage where you don't need to, don't reply to texts etc. Take the emotion out of engaging with her, just give vague answers. What a difficult relationship. It may help if she is just not in your life so much.
And the Harry Potter thing is neither here or there - Harry James is a really good regular name. Can you try to just relax with your choice, not think too much about it anymore?

I'm confused as to why you have even told the name, before the baby is born? Our's was referred to as "the baby" while in utero, and for several weeks afterwards, while we all got used to using the name.
Anyhow, if you have discussed baby names with people beforehand, their reaction MIGHT change once they meet the actual baby, and you introduce them.

My mother did this with DD2. Said her name was too hard to say (it wasn't) and called her Candy
We went nc over another issue and she has recently emailed me asking after the children and using their proper names, even DD2. Closest to an apology she has ever come. Shame it took a family tragedy to get there.
I'm still wary but we've called a truce. Let's see how long it lasts. I really empathise with you. Stick to your guns and good luck.

OP it really is none of your mother's business. The only people whose opinions matter are you and your DH. Harry is lovely, there's lots of men and boys called Harry who aren't Prince Harry. I'm sure they're all coping!

I fear I will have these issues when we have DC as DH and I have dual heritage, with a name from my 'non-English' side. PIL have told me I mustn't use a name from my other culture when I have children.

However, the more comments I get, the more names from my culture I add to my list. No-one dictates to me what I call my children (DH gets a say of course).

Your Mum has had her turn. If she loves Beau James so much she can go out and have a son to name Beau James.

You need to put your foot down, OP. It's the name now, but then it will be breast vs bottle, weaning at 6 months vs weaning at 6 weeks etc. Show her now that you and DH are boss. Otherwise she will be shoving chocolate and ice cream into your 3 month and undermining all of your parenting choices!

Sorry if this sounds harsh but you must learn to put up some boundaries- you are an adult woman with a husband and a baby on the way, why does your mother have so much influence in your life?

The more you humour her and involve her in your plans the more she will be over invested and try to control you. You must step back, this is a really unhealthy relationship.

That’s why I wanted to just let you know @Tilpop but hopefully it won’t put you off (unless your surname is potter) it’s still lovely and Harry potters not exactly a negative connotation- unless you hate it. Dp vetoed any Harry Potter names because he hates it

Just ask her who had the final decision choosing your name. I bet anything, she did so tell her it’s now your turn to choose your baby’s name.

congratulations on your pregnancy, you must be over the moon after all the IVF....
Now you are to soon be a parent , you need to be an adult and stop being scared of your PITA mother.

You are married with a child on the way, you left home a long time ago, you don't need to put up with anything you don't like.

Treat her as youy would a friend, once a friend becomes rude you call them out, friendly at first, then you are firmer...do the same to your DM.

Missed calls and text, switch your phone off before dinner each night , tell her that, its your time with your husband.

Tell her that your son's name is up to you and she must keep her comment to herself. Learn the art of being assertive without getting upset of being aggressive.

You do need to get as grip of this or, once your child is a toddler, she will be manipulating him, possibly against you, be prepared to distance yourself to protect your little family.

Congratulations. So nice to hear a good news story . Harry James is lovely, stick with it.

Ignore your mother, she’s being a weird controlling prat.

Our little boy is called Harry - his nickname at home is Haribo and his nickname at school is Hazza. It is a great name - you have chosen well. Stick to your guns and ignore mother as much as you can !! And of course MASSIVE congratulations. You are joining the best club in the world - motherhood. Don't let your mother spoil your special time x

I think she’s given you the perfect opportunity with BJ. I would reply saying I’d rather not call my son blow job, we’re sticking with Harry. And then ignore ignore ignore.

OP - your mum sounds abusive. I would advise going low-contact at the very least.

The next time the name comes up, tell her coldly and simply, that his name is Harry and that is the end of the conversation.

If she insists she won't be calling him that/will refer to him as Beau/Daniel/whatever, you simply tell her that she can refer to him as anything she likes, that won't make it his name and you will not respond to any questions or conversation about anyone but Harry.

And stick to it.

So in the future

"How's grandma's baby Beau doing?"
"I don't know who you mean. You must have the wrong number. Goodbye".

Huge congrats on your pregnancy.
Your pregnancy being the key word. She sounds a bit unhinged and I would question wanting my little Bundle being near someone like that. Pull back a bit. Don’t let her spoil everything. I wish you, hubby and little Harry all the best

Congratulations OP. Call your son what you want (Harry is a lovely name btw) and maybe give your mum a wide berth. The only thing she should be doing at the moment is supporting you as you get ready to have your long awaited first child. She doesn't get a say in what you call him.