My mum won't call my son by his name

My fil was really hurtful and rude about our name choice but he doesn't mention it now.

"Mother, we have made OUR choice and his name is Harry. Nothing else is acceptable. If you call him anything else we will be upset and your grandchild will be confused unnecessarily."

The first rule of parenthood, is to tell everyone to just fuck the hell off when they try and tell you what to do. It's madness.

If you ask for advice, that's different. And asking for help, is NOT asking for advice.

Otherwise! Just tell you mother to buckle up and back the fuck off!

I’m not a violent person but if anyone insisted on calling my new baby, “BJ”...

@Windyatthebeach

A* come back 😂👍

Have you considered going low contact with her?

Well, I told my mother the name I picked on the condition she would make no comment, even if she didn't like the name.

Her reaction was : "it's not my cup of tea but he's your son."

See, that's how grown up normal people behave.

She did come back a couple of hours later to suggest "Stanislas" instead which I lol'ed at and said no thanks, and she dropped it. As she should.

(nothing against Stanislas, it's just not a name I love and it was kind of a random suggestion).

Anyway, this is your son, keep the name you like (though people will probably make a Harry Potter connection, but that isn't necessarily an issue).

I have literally just signed up after reading this made me so annoyed.
I would tell her it’s Harry And if she wants to see him, she WILL call him Harry. He is YOUR child. It’s disgusting and controlling. Who does she think she is. Good luck

I'm so sorry that your Mum is taking away your experience of finally enjoying being pregnant and starting your family.

I have a few reactions to it all and didn't know which to choose, so I will say them all

• It sounds like your Mum would be the one losing out if your relationship ended, not you. Tell her to f** off :)
• This is YOUR baby, not hers and you are going to be a Mum. I truly believe this may help you find the inner strength to distance yourself from the drama.
• Harry is a lovely name.
• Next time she calls him BJ, call her AH or your equivalent insult.
• Ask how if she's ok with your son calling her horrible grandma.

Strongly recommend point 2! X

I’m so sorry OP, that sounds really stressful. Harry James is a beautiful name, and it’s none of her business whether your mother likes it or not. Definitely stick with the name you have chosen. If she persists in refusing to use it she will only look more and more ridiculous as time goes on until your little boy is old enough to ask himself why she doesn’t call him the right name. I bet she wouldn’t have an answer to that!

Start calling her by a name of you choice (preferably one she doesn't like) see how she likes it. Childish but she'd get sick of it quick enough.

You need to nip that BJ shit in the bud for a start because he won’t thank her for that!!

I would really abruptly say “BJ? as in Blow job?!” Surely that would embarrass her enough to stop!

Harry james is a beautiful name! My son is called harrison. We use haribo as a nickname no reason for it, it just stuck. I think you need to put your foot down now otherwise where will it stop. Stick with harry

Sorry - "her job to keep you in your place"!

She's marking her territory.

She sees your baby as her property and she expects to call all the shots over his life (as well as over your life). She thinks she is The Boss and it's her job to keep you in her place.

Time to bin off PsychoGranny. The more you let her into your life, the unhappier you will be (and she will make your child unhappy, too).

Sorry, but I have met people like this before and they are always very damaging to the people around them. You do need to keep her out of your life. I suspect she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

My mum didn't refer to my daughter by her name for a year and a half.

Fuck your ML, its your baby, not hers, call him what you want!

Oh and congrats, and I love Harry James, great name!

Oh sorry just read the thread a bit more thoroughly, she doesn't seem like someone you can just ignore.

Sounds a crappy situation, I'm sorry

BJ

Just ignore her

I think Harry James is a lovely name. I also like hp but didn't know that, so don't worry about it too much

Nobody will associate Harry James with Harry Potter though.

Honestly, this is the first of many battles you are now going to have, so go in guns blazing - or draft your DH to do it for you.

What your bully of a mum is doing is trying to make sure she puts her stamp on the 'new order' (ie you being the mum, you guys having a family of your own). She's trying to flex her muscles because she wants to let you know she's still top dog. You may have a baby, but hey, she's gonna boss you and your baby and she will still be the one calling the shots.

You might as well fall out now tbh - she will pull ever more shit like this so just go for it, get it over with, and hopefully she will learn her lesson and get the message that no, when it comes to YOUR baby she calls no shots - she follows what YOU say or - quite simple - you hang up on her and you don't answer the door and she does not get to see your baby.

She has no power here.

She knows it, too - which is why she's trying to intimidate you, HARD, right now - in the hope you give her the power.

Don't.

'You will call him by the name we give him, if you won't, you won't be seeing any of us. Don't push me on this. I don't want to fall out with you, but I absolutely will when it comes to my baby.'

Go in hard.

She WILL back down if she thinks you mean it. And after that, life will get easier.

I didnt make the royal connection, the first thing that popped into my head to my head was Harry Potter as his middle name is also James. I think it's a lovely name. Good, strong, sensible. And the family ties are a lovely touch. More importantly you and your husband both love it, which is frankly the hardest and most important part. Stick with it, don't engage in name discussions with her - theres nothing to discuss, and bluntly correct her any time she uses a different name.

@Tilpop
ive got the perfect solution that will suit you both
call him HAZZER as a nick name
not at all royal but short for your beloved choice of harry
and the james as middle name
everyones happy
good luck
let me know hoe it goes

As long as your last name isn't Potter you'll be fine! I admit I did think of it but that's only because I'm a fan. My mother or my OH wouldn't make the connection, it's not as if they're unusual names and they go together really nicely.

As for your mother... I'd go for the 'wondering why mum is always talking about blow jobs' method

This is a really sad post. You chose a perfectly nice and respectable name that you love for your longed for baby. That is all that matters. I'm yet another person appalled at her horrible treatment of you.