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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Would you warn a mum that your baby will share a name with hers?

94 replies

OddshoesOddsocks · 16/01/2020 12:52

Dp and I have discussed names since starting TTC around May last year. We really struggle to agree on names but 1 stood out and came top of the list. Now due a dd in April of this year and that name has stuck so it’s looking like that’s what we’ll go with.

I like slightly unusual names and always liked the idea that my children will be the only ones in their class with that name.

Fast forward to maybe August/September last year and a new family move in over the road. Their eldest goes to the village school with mine and their youngest is just turned 1. Youngest has the same name as is intended for dd.

I wouldn’t say we are friends but we are friendly on the school run etc. Due to the nature of the school, it is likely that the 2 girls will share a classroom although will obviously be different year groups.

Would you mention it beforehand to her? I can imagine past me may have been a bit peeved at my baby having to share a name with another so close and i don’t want her to think we are copying.

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mummaaw · 16/01/2020 16:22

Can you just say the name so we know

Whatsyourflava · 16/01/2020 16:16

@OddshoesOddsocks I can’t see the harm in saying to her in passing “we love the name [Verity]/[Jemima] or whatever and funnily enough have always had the name in mind for our daughter, I hope that’s ok”

You’re not obliged to use it after saying this. I’d personally just get it out in the open that you’re considering it. It just feels like a better approach to me.

MindfulBear · 16/01/2020 16:15

No. Definitely not. Your baby. Your choice. You can explain, if you feel like it, after baby is born.
In any case when baby is born you may find the name no longer fits so go with something else so would have warned them unnecessary.
Congrats and enjoy your pregnancy.

corcaithecat · 16/01/2020 16:12

Don’t say anything because you might change your mind when she’s born and you’ll be creating unnecessary drama.

Lllot5 · 16/01/2020 16:09

What’s the name? I don’t think we can judge if we don’t know the name

Original poster
OddshoesOddsocks · 16/01/2020 16:08

My point was, I’m not bothered about them having the same name. DD is probably going to have that name either way, I’m not going to pick a new name. But do I tell the other mum beforehand or not?

OP posts:
Whatsyourflava · 16/01/2020 16:05

@crustycrab I think that’s the point @charlesthekudu was making 👍❤️

Original poster
OddshoesOddsocks · 16/01/2020 16:05

It’s top 170ish

I don’t mean parents don’t put the effort in when they pick a ‘Sophie name’ obviously Hmm I mean that some parents think ‘right, I want a name that isn’t a ‘sophie’ and others think ‘I love that name, who cares if there’s one down the road’
It’s just personal taste isn’t it, neither are wrong.

I could ‘just pick another name’ but we’re both pretty sure that that is THE name. Of course she might come out and we might say ‘oh she’s not an X after all, she looks much more like a Y!’ And then it’ll be irrelevant but by then I’d have missed my chance to pre-warn other mum.

I know people don’t seem to like the term ‘warn’ in this context but I don’t really know what the alternative is...

OP posts:
crustycrab · 16/01/2020 15:55

@charlesthekudu so clearly it wasn't "super rare" then

Grufallosfriends · 16/01/2020 15:53

Yes, your neighbor picked it first, unfortunately.

charlesthekudu · 16/01/2020 15:51

I picked a super rare name for my child. Completely blissfully happy that they'd be the only one in the entire school.

There were 3 in the local health centre playgroup.

Got to laugh!

Grufallosfriends · 16/01/2020 15:51

You say you don't want your dd to share the same name as others in your community and school. You also say you'd be peeved off if someone else chose the same name.

Then YOU need to find another name for your dd imo.

hadenoughofthisall · 16/01/2020 15:50

I'd pick another name. If it WAS a Sophie/Evie/poppy type name you could get away with it but if it's an unusual one, it will always look like you copied them and no amount of telling them you've had it in mind for yonks will convince them otherwise!

crustycrab · 16/01/2020 15:48

Everyone makes an effort when they pick a name. I'm sure it's not that out there 🤷🏽‍♀️

Lavenderblues · 16/01/2020 15:46

I like slightly unusual names and always liked the idea that my children will be the only ones in their class with that name.

Then why use the name that your neighbour's dd has? Especially if they'll share a classroom?Confused

Choose another name if it really matters.

Sadiee88 · 16/01/2020 15:46

What is the name?

Whatsyourflava · 16/01/2020 15:44

I just want to understand what you mean by uncommon. Can you give a ballpark of what kind of number in the charts we are talking? Some people say a name at number 80 is “uncommon” whereas for others the name must be outside the top 1,000 to be “uncommon”

BackOnceAgainWithATinselHalo · 16/01/2020 15:40

If you would have been peeved are you not tempted to change the name now? Surely that’d be the obvious thing to do.

Comeonbabyyay · 16/01/2020 15:35

By uncommon I mean it’s not the kind of Sophie, Olivia, Florence name that there’s several of in each school. It’s uncommon enough to seem like the parents have made the effort to pick something a bit different to avoid other children having the same name, if that makes sense?

Confused I made an effort to chose the names. They are not uncommon. Some parents don’t care about what other people think, that does not mean we don’t make an effort. They might have chosen that name because of a relative. Plenty of us could not care less about names being common or not. Use the name who cares if they think you copy, you are adults
fedup21 · 16/01/2020 15:35

I’m just seeing it through the eyes of myself 9 years ago when picking dd1s purposefully unusual name. I’d have been a bit peeved although would have no real right to be.

I expect if she’s like you and will be peeved despite having no right to be, it won’t matter if you tell her now or in April, will it?

Whatsyourflava · 16/01/2020 15:31

@OddshoesOddsocks what kind of number are we taking in the name charts? Eg top 100-150 or much lower down the lists

MikeUniformMike · 16/01/2020 15:24

I know someone who gave their DS1 the same first and middle names as a neighbour's DS1 - not the actual names but something along the lines of Jacob Oliver Thompson and Jacob Oliver Brown. There's about a 7 year gap but the first couple weren't happy about it as they had picked Jacob because at the time because it was unusual. Both families were born and bred in the same area, and unlikely to move. Over the years it mattered less and the name turned out to be popular.

If you and your neighbours are unlikely to be neighbours for long, it doesn't matter so much. If you love the name use it. You will look like you copied but only you know if you mind about that.

mistermagpie · 16/01/2020 14:24

There are two baby Georgie's in my street, not the worlds most unusual name but not that common either. They will go to the same school.

It never occurred to me that mum #2 might have 'copied' the name from mum #1 or that she should have 'warned' her (odd turn of phrase, and really, what is she supposed to do with information? Change her daughters name?). If I've given it any thought at all, which I haven't until right now, it's that they share the same taste in names. Obviously. Who cares?

FWIW my son has a pretty uncommon name. There were only 30 others in the whole country the year he was born. One of them happens to be in his nursery class! Again, who cares?

MamaDane · 16/01/2020 14:17

Who gives a shit, she's just a neighbour not a friend or family member Grin

doritosdip · 16/01/2020 14:16

No. You're not naming the child after the other child.

You should probably say something if you're very close (family) but this isn't the case here