Name regret - 2 years on

I fundamentally disagree that you can’t change it.

DH won’t agree? Well he can fuck off for a start. Would you ‘force’ him to accept a name you didn’t like? Does he make a habit of overruling you?
Why would he want you to go on living with a name you hate? You need to stand up to him and he needs to listen to you.

Secondly DD is only 2. The fact she knows her name is irrelevant - she will know the next one.

I know kids who’ve had their names changed or changed them themselves when they were older - it really isn’t as big a deal as it might feel.

Far better to change It now when she’s so little. Before she starts school.

I can honestly say I still like my children's names now they are adults. I picked names that were traditional and won't go out of fashion. My daughters was very popular and still is now and my sons is an Irish name because I am half Irish.

I think its quite common for people to think they wished they had picked another name . Its probably because no matter how hard you try not to , the names you pick are almost always of that time . My husband , SIL and my name are very much of the era we were born , and I hated it until I was an adult . My daughters name is quite old fashioned and people confuse it with another name and think she has just left an H off when she says it , but we all call her by a slightly shortened version , 2nd son's name was very very common when he was born , the shortened version is a really good adult name I think , another one has a name that you don't hear much not sure it was ever fashionable lol , dont think hes ever liked it but the shortened version is ok , the next one has a short name again , its a biblical name but not an over used one . I did without thinking have 2 names begining with the same initial , thats a pain when you get post

Can ppl stop using the term 'chavvy'. Makes me cringe.
It's such a derogatory word used by people who feel far more superior and think they have the best taste.
It's a really terrible term.

I have a friend whose real name is Angela but has, since the age of about 2, gone by a totally unrelated nickname due to the way her siblings pronounced her name. Nobody ever thinks of her as Angela, not even her Mum. Perhaps you could do something like this?

Yeh this has been an interesting chat @GettingABitDesperateNow and I’m glad you said earlier that it’s helped you a bit to write about it on here.

I think we need to remind ourselves that it really isn’t that important if we like the name or not anymore (given we are too far down the line now to change it), what matters is if our child likes their name or not and ultimately if they don’t like it then there’s ample opportunity to change it. It’s probably even easier to do nowadays - with social media being as it is you can basically call yourself what you want really easily (eg change your WhatsApp name/ change your Facebook name )

If the child is anything like our partners then maybe they won’t even consider if they like their name or not and all this worrying will be for nothing

I am nervous though that my child will pick up on my reservations about his name and that that will give him a complex and make him want to change it. I hope my behaviour doesn’t negatively impact him too much.

Yes I think maybe both of us have been projecting a bit with our own issues with our names. My son is a very confident little character and very unique (I know every mum probably says this!) but I’ve just given him a pretty plain popular trendy name and it’s just not a fit at all. Anyway I’m back to rambling about names again! Sorry!

@GettingABitDesperateNow yes my husband now gets angry with me whenever I bring up my sons name. I started doing it when my son was about 1 month old and I think he thought I’d just grow out of it but my sons now four and I still tend to bring his name up all the time. I agree it feels very “first world problems” but then I think about how special my son is and how he might think I let him down with the name we picked.

I think with the middle name dilemma, I’ll wait until he’s a couple of years older, if he’s still as much of an outgoing character then as he is now, I will pick a really unusual middle name and just register it. I’ll then feel like he has that option.

OP could I ask, do you have OCD at all (I do), I do feel this is slightly related to my OCD and slightly some minor form of PND but I appreciate that might not apply to you.

Can I also ask - do you like your own name? I’ve never really liked my own name whereas my husband is totally Indifferent to his name or anyone else’s so he’s really confused about how I’m still dwelling on a name

As a child I was called by my middle name but was called by my first name when I started secondary school (due to the register, this was years ago before 'known as' names became a thing). I preferred my first name so kept to that when I started work. Most people now know me by my first name, except for family so I answer to both. DH calls me either, depending on who we're with. It sounds complicated but I'm used to my 'double life'. I think if I were you I would add a middle name you love, you can then start to move on knowing she has a lovely middle name. Maybe you could gradually introduce a nickname based on her middle name.

I think if you were to tell us the name we could potentially help you think of a nickname? You’d be surprised with the ideas people come up with here
Nickname could be based on a letter in the name (Ava could be ViVi) or meaning (apparently Ava is the Latin variation of Eve meaning ‘bird’ so you could call her Birdie) just using Ava as an example.
Name regret is a very real thing, I’m not massively in love with my daughter’s BC name but I call her a diminutive I love so that was my compromise.

Ps. I will add that my husband gets annoyed with me and tells me I’m wrong to try and have that conversation with my son in a couple of years. He thinks it will put ideas in my sons head about his name that probably would never have been there were it not for me bringing it up.

I’m in a very similar situation @GettingABitDesperateNow

@Astronica yes you’ve captured our situation well too. I now realise my husband just didn’t see it as a big decision. He was never that interested in picking names and he suddenly came up with 2 names he liked and the choice became between those 2 names (neither of which I loved). If I’d have put my foot down at the time he’d definitely would have agreed to some other names. I thought the name we chose would be fairly rare but it’s actually really common and very “on trend” which I really hate. I myself have a very common 80s name and didn’t want that for my kids. Yet what do I end up doing?! I’m still disappointed at myself.

My husband isn’t bothered about popularity whatsoever and so maybe my son won’t be either but I also feel like the name really doesn’t suit my son. My son is now 4 so there’s really no way I can change it. @GettingABitDesperateNowGettingABitDesperateNow I also feel a sense of sadness every time people say his name. To the extent that in my head I feel like my family are trying to annoy me by calling him by his actual name. 🤦‍♀️ In reality I know they are not as they have no idea I really don’t like the name.

I also get a bit obsessive when a friend is having a baby. I wonder what name they will pick and if they pick a name I prefer to my sons, I feel really jealous and down.

Ultimately I know I can’t change it now and I can’t really speak to my husband about it anymore as he is so fed up of hearing about something we can’t change.

The only thing that makes me feel better is the thought I will give my son an extra middle name at some point in the future. Maybe when he’s old enough to help pick it himself.

There’s loads of people who actually end up deciding later in life to go by their middle names. Lots of celebrities (eg Jude Law, Boris Johnson, Meghan Markle etc) all now go by middle name. George Osborne actually changed his name to George himself when he was fairly young! Also even within my own family, a grandparent goes solely by their middle name except on official forms and nobody bats an eyelid.

I remind myself that ultimately the most important thing is that my child likes his name and not whether I like it or not. I think once he’s old enough I’ll have a conversation with him about the fact we picked a fairly common popular name for him and would he like to continue using it or does he want a more unique name in which case I will pay to get him registered with a new middle name (which we could choose together or he can choose it if he has a name in mind). ☹️ It’s hard x

What a horrible position to be in, and I really really feel for u.

It would be good to know the name though so we can properly help. But a few options:

1. Change it. If ur this upset and depressed, and u think ur husband would allow. Just change it. She’s 2 and she won’t really remember. It’s 2 years out of her loooong (hopefully) life! Ppl may laugh initially, but she’s ur daughter and they will eventually forget and talk about something else.

1. Since the name is short... can you change it to a longer name that is related? For example: if the name is Mia can you change it to a name like Amelia/Emilia/Amelie/Maria/Miriam etc that would be a long version to the name Mia. So you can still call her Mia as her “nickname”. Eventually when u do start calling her Amelia for example...you can say “yes Mia was just her nickname, her name was actually Amelia”.

1. Add a middle name and when she starts school just make her use her middle name only and slowly change everything to her middle name..

1. Completely pick another name, don’t change it legally, and just call her it. If u want you can tell people you have changed it officially (they won’t know u actually havent changed it legally). So call her the name, introduce her with the new name. Hopefully eventually ur husband will be on board and then accept to change it officially.

I think you have obviously tried to get over the name...and tried to accept it. But it isn’t working.

Good luck with it. Though please try and tell us the name so we can help you more x

@CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook

I had a cousin called Julie who was going out with someone called John. The stick they used to get because of the "Jilted John" song was hilarious!

Joooooaaaaaaaaanna!

I can see why you weren't keen on the song!

I used to hate this song!

@BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo

What do you think of Joanna?

Carrying on from that last point. I'm half-Jamaican and it is very common for people to be called a completely different made up name from their christian birth (formal) name. You wouldn't know this name unless you know them personally or through friends or family. But it's often It's based on observation of their characteristics as they get older so actually more fitting.

For e.g. My cousin Delita is called Peaches, apparently she couldn't stop stuffing her face with them when younger.

Other sibstitute names are Blossom, Red, Lala, China, Fern, etc etc...some are actually ridiculous by English standards but I notice this is common in many different cultures.

We could be more help if we knew the name and can give an objective opinion that could be more helpful!

However, since there's little scope to change it, I agree about adding a second name (and this scenario is yet another reason why giving a child a 2nd name is always useful and it's not 'pointless') you like better.

If it is a short name like Eve is there scope to lengthen it instead as a nickname so:

Eve - Evie
Rose - Rosie/Rosia
Meryl - Marilla
Alex - Alexa/Alexy

Although I admit there are some names like Ivy, Isla and Claire where that would be difficult but you could perhaps substitute with similar. Not uncommon in different cultures.

If she doesn't care about it I think you should leave it. Or start calling her a non name based nickname. Like Tiger or Kick, Birdie, Sunny, Buffy, etc. There's also this www.bestlittlebaby.com/nickname-generator.aspx

That's tough, OP, and I really feel for you. I regret a couple of my children's names. My DH was just no help at all in talking about names - he would just say no to everything I liked, then in the end I was so relieved he said yes to something - okay names but well down my list - that we ended up with those. They're adults now and my daughter has commented how much she loves a certain name and would have been really happy to have been named it, and it was actually a name I loved and would have called her. I've told her I'd be perfectly happy for her to add it to her name (she would put it in front of her current 2 names). She's thinking about it.

I wish I had stuck with the names I loved as DH would have come round to like them in the end I now realise. He didn't understand how important names were to me whereas it was a smaller decision to him I now understand.

Does your DH understand how strongly you feel about this? I don't think it's too late to change it if he was on board. You could add the new name to the front (or after) the current name and she can still be called the other name by those who want to. She would be introduced as the new name though and it would gradually take over. I had a friend at school who was always called by her first name at school but her middle name at home and family situations and wasn't a problem at all. People having various nicknames and full names in different situations is quite common.

If you feel this strongly about it OP I think the best solution really is to add the name you like as a middle name.

Your daughter will then be able to choose for herself which name to use so you will have piece of mind that you haven't forced her to have a horrible name.

Adding a middle name will involve a little bit of admin faff but otherwise no big issue. Extended family barely need know about it. Your husband may well think it's pointless but if you feel this strongly about it why the hell wouldn't he support you in doing this? The idea he wouldn't give you permission ring alarm bells for me. Surely it doesn't matter to him either way whether she has a middle name, and you can take responsibility for the paperwork.

I think for your piece of mind you should go ahead and add the name. The likelihood is your child will like their current first name and your regrets will fade as you come to see this, but that you will feel more relaxed knowing the nicer name is part of her name too.