Can't agree on baby's surname

Your surname.

With DNA he can petition for PR through the courts I think but that takes time, meaning in the very early days you don't need to have arguments about him having the baby (not good for the baby when it is tiny) and overnights and all that. I wouldn't put him on the birth certificate- if anyone asks just say you didn't realise he had to come with you to be on the birth certificate and by the time you found out it was too late. Say you'll add him later. Keep forgetting.

I'd go with yours and his as a middle name.

I have different second name to DH, kids have my second name as a middle name. But neither of us really cared much about it!

Your surname, no question about it.

I had this exact same problem... What we did with my DD was give her a middle name that was the female version of dad's name.

Think Sam/Samantha Daniel/Daniella Henry/Henrietta

I didn't like it so much, but it was my compromise because we had a rocky relationship to say the least, we're not together now. But DD lives with me, dad has very little input. And I am ultimately happy we have the same last name.

Also if you get back with him and get married, changing the name is easy peasy.

If you marry someone else and your child's father is on the birth certificate, you can't change your child's name without his consent.

I'd certainly consider whether you want him on the birth certificate or not. Have you looked into PR?

Whatever you decide, make sure nobody has influenced your decision. You are strong x

You can always change it in the future to the fathers/partners name. But it is very difficult to change to back to yours if you were to register in his name

This - you'd need his permission in the future to change it if you give him parental responsibility. You choose whether to give him parental responsibility by having him named on the birth cert. But you're not married so unless he is named on the birth cert he won't have PR, regardless of DNA.

Also, there are lots of drawbacks to having another person having PR and if he's already railroading you about the name (and trying to convince you that DNA means he has parental rights), it doesn't bode well for future co-parenting and I certainly would not be giving him the extra power of PR.

He can then stop you going on holiday with your child and gets a say in schools and other important decisions - if he's behaving like this now, it's not wise to name him in the birth cert and give him that power.

I wasn't married to my ex partner. I gave the baby his surname. It caused a few issues, particularly as he was under two consultants at the hospital and he got 'lost' in their system because when he was born he had my name.
The big realisation that I should never have given the baby his surname was when I took him to the drs and saw a locum. She called me 'Mrs babysurname' and I corrected her. She said 'oh you're the nanny'.
Just before I found out I was expecting again, we had broken up. This baby is having MY name. I'm not going to allow myself to be vulnerable this time.
YOU are going to be the baby's primary carer. YOU will be likely be doing the majority of appointments and YOU have been through the pregnancy and labour without him. YOUR name.

Your surname 100%

Not sure what historic traditions have got to do with anything.

Even if parental rights hadn’t already been legally established - others might read this post & I want to point out that the baby’s surname is not in any way used to establish parental rights - it is the section that lists the parents.

OP - just give his as a middle name & yours as the surname. Don’t be forced in to a situation you don’t want.

Your surname. Not his. Not double-barrelled anything.
Give the baby your surname.

From your OP it sounds like the father is either quite intimidating or v keen to be involved. If he is speaking or acting aggressively and you are worried that he will blow up when he finds out about you registering the name, please make sure you have support. Either from family or friends or from support agencies. Hope you are ok @Cl4rkii. A lot to deal with on top of looking after a new born on your own

It's traditional for babies to have rheir mother's surname. If married, then that may well also be the fathers.

as unmarried, then yours

Register the birth without him, use your surname. End of.

Always your surname especially if you’re not even with the father anymore.

It has been proved by DNA that he is the father, so he does have parental rights.

Makes no difference whatsoever!!!

You aren't married. He therefore isn't even ALLOWED, legally, to register the baby. It's entirely your decision.

GIVE THE BABY YOUR SURNAME.

These boards are full, FULL of women who are no longer with their shits of exes and in many cases aren't even getting maintenance, and they bitterly regret giving their child the surname of a family and a man who doesn't give a shit about them.

Please don't give in. It's absolutely NONE of his business, which is why he's trying to bully you - he knows it's your decision and he has NO RIGHTS here at all.

He's already causing issues for you. Do you really think he's likely to be around in two, three years time?

And just think, why the fuck should your baby carry his name when he's not going to be doing the hard yards?

Your surname. Your baby will live with you, be in your family, let her have the security of the same name as her mother.

Your name. Simple.

Baby should have your surname, no discussion necessary.

The father wants the baby to have both names, not just his.

Give the baby your surname

Absolutely your name, did this myself as lone parent, and glad I did.
Utterly ridiculous for a child to have the family name of someone who doesn't deal with the day-to-day parenting and it comes from total male entitlement- like the baby is some kind of possession or proof of virility.

Definitely your surname.

Actually @YetAnotherSpartacus the tradition was for the baby to take the mothers surname. However traditionally babies came after marriage. At which the mother would take the fathers name

Of course. But I missed that given that I'd never take a man's surname .

@timeisnotaline it doesn't make travelling difficult you just take the birth certificate to prove the child is yours. It's what I've always done. 🤷‍♀️
Dad can be an arse and try and stop you taking the child away on holiday but that can happen wether they have your surname or not. My sisters ex partner does it regularly. And that's a man who doesn't even want to see his child. 🙄

@Contraceptionismyfriend why the need to be so nasty. Have you never got anything wrong?
I truly believed it was tradition for the baby to get dads name. So much so my children all have their dads surnames and I wasn't married to any of them.