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Baby names

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Original poster

Can't agree on baby's surname

116 replies

Cl4rkii · 09/10/2019 09:32

I'm not with the father of my 2 week old, but need to register her birth soon. The father is insisting that I double-barrell the surname, but I don't want to. What if we don't come to an agreement by the six weeks. What happens then!

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LuYi · 18/10/2019 16:47

Just to provide another perspective, I grew up with my fathers surname, even though he was never in my life. (Although my parents were together at the time of my birth.) I changed it at 18. It seemed silly to share a surname with someone who had no influence on my life whatsoever.

cheesydoesit · 17/10/2019 20:08

Your name, obviously. I hope you were able to register your baby without him and do that.

Why on earth did you need to have DNA testing done? Was it to convince him the baby was his?

MyOtherProfile · 16/10/2019 07:36

What did you do, OP?

SoupDragon · 16/10/2019 07:30

Or he could go to court to gain PR.

Topseyt · 16/10/2019 00:24

No, Verily. If he isn't on the birth certificate he doesn't have parental responsibility. Even if he subsequently marries the OP. She would still have to get him added to it in order to change that.

calvinkleinjeans · 15/10/2019 09:10

Gob smacked at some of these replies !! He has to marry OP to have any official part in his child's life ?! WTF!

RolytheRhino · 14/10/2019 20:05

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3717525-Incompetent-staff-in-schools

Worth a read, relating to this topic.

Starlight456 · 13/10/2019 11:26

This really seems to be a lot of issues you have done a dna test insisting how baby is named . It all sounds very unstable and no way should it be his surname.

You can add him to the birth certificate later

Verily1 · 13/10/2019 11:10

If a father doesn’t have prr but later marries the mother he gets prr then.

yellowallpaper · 13/10/2019 11:08

Phone the registry office. They will give you the legal advice. I believe it makes it easier if he is named as the father when it comes to child maintenance, but not sure about surname re PR

RolytheRhino · 13/10/2019 11:08

Correct me if I'm wrong, but as they're not married, wouldn't the father need to be present at registration to be included on the birth certificate?

BikeRunSki · 13/10/2019 10:43

Use his surname as a middle name

CravingCheese · 13/10/2019 10:38

how will that make a difference?

I'm not too sure. But what if she doesn't want to marry him? Or what if she still wants to keep her name? Or give the baby her name?

pinkyredrose · 13/10/2019 10:27

If he wants to change either of these things he can marry you

how will that make a difference?

Verily1 · 13/10/2019 09:33

Register alone. Your surname. If he wants to change either of these things he can marry you!

MaggieMcSplash · 13/10/2019 00:44

No brainier. You are not together. You need to give the baby your name, the father can be noted on the birth certificate.

TottieandMarchpane · 13/10/2019 00:17

If the two of you can’t agree, then you get to decide. He has no parental responsibility (rights) until he’s granted them.

AlunWynsKnee · 13/10/2019 00:13

Register your baby with your surname.
Go alone to the registry office. You won't be able to list a father.
XP can apply to go on the certificate and have PR.
He cannot force you to change baby's surname.

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 12/10/2019 23:57

choc I'm in the UK. XP went into a rage when I said I wanted to double barrel the names. I was too scared to stand my ground and gave in.

That's a shame. I hope you would feel stronger if you found yourself in the same position again.

I'm a stubborn mare and I've always been determined to do things my way if I believe I'm in the right. I've been with DH for 26 years and we both know that we have to find compromises or trade-offs. The children's surname was definitely a compromise!

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 12/10/2019 23:54

Depends on where that person lives. It's not an option in quite a few countries... It would be where I'm at I believe but only by citing the fact that DH is English and that double barreling is indeed practiced and allowed in the UK...

Even when the parents are unmarried? I imagine it would be very unusual to pass a law forcing a paternal surname on a child of unmarried parents.

megletthesecond · 12/10/2019 21:30

choc I'm in the UK. XP went into a rage when I said I wanted to double barrel the names. I was too scared to stand my ground and gave in.

CravingCheese · 12/10/2019 21:21

Of course you were, it was always your decision. You obviously gave in to pressure.

Depends on where that person lives. It's not an option in quite a few countries... It would be where I'm at I believe but only by citing the fact that DH is English and that double barreling is indeed practiced and allowed in the UK...

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 12/10/2019 21:18

I wasn't even allowed to double barrel my dc's names hmm. They have xp's name.

Of course you were, it was always your decision. You obviously gave in to pressure.

My DC are in their 20s now and have a double-barrelled name. They were born before we married and I have never changed my name. It's worked well for us as DH and I have never parted. If you have started off being separate, the baby should absolutely have your name.

beckyvardy · 12/10/2019 21:03

In your name you lessen the issue of being stopped at border control when on holiday either way

Chociefish · 12/10/2019 20:32

Your surname! I deeply regret double barrelling my dc surname with their commit phobic dads x

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