I hate the baby name he wants!!

I really need to know the name.

I think compromising as a middle name isn't unreasonable. Maybe add another middle name too so it dilutes it more

I’d normally advise to give it as a middle name, but they are being so pushy, and in numbers, that I’d worry in this case that if it’s her middle name, DH and all his family will just call her that name, so getting their way by force.
Do you think your DH would let that happen? If he agrees that the middle name is solely in honour of his mother’s memory and will not be used except on documents and ceremonially, as her middle name, and that he’ll correct any family who try to use it, then I’d compromise.
If I’d had a son, I was going to give him the middle name “Bayard” after a very dear old man who befriended me as a child.

Does he understand what equal say means? It means that he gets as much say in the decision as you. Not that he decides and you get zero say!

Tell him you are having NO family names, as she is going to have her own identity!

You can't give your baby a name you hate. Stand your ground.
Don't give it as a middle name and if you are not married, do not give her your partner's surname.

Put your foot down and tell his family it's none of their bloody business. I'd probably agree to the name being used as a middle name but there is no chance in the world that I'd be pressured/bullied into using it as a first name.

Stand your ground.

You need to both like the name you choose. There's nothing else to say about it. You might rethink about using it as a middle name though? Middle names are rarely used apart from on ID paperwork

Are you married or not?

Baby should have your surname. If he has a different surname and wants baby to have his surname then you can either give the baby two surnames or give the father's surname as a middle name.

First name should be a joint decision with no-one insisting on a name the other hates. So he is obviously being unreasonable and you can veto the name.

Middle name is a good opportunity to honour family and/or compromise.

If there is an absolute stalemate then you (as the mother) get the final say. Don't let him bully you.

Tell him next time one of the women in the family who got along with her has a girl they can call their own daughter that but you won't be. If you can decide on a name together then fine, but at the end of the day remember that you alone will have the right to register the child. If you can't agree on a name then name her with your preference & DON'T use his mother's name as a middle name. They'll all just call her that "because it's on her bc" & ignore her actual name.
Your daughter is a person in her own right, not a living tribute to someone elevated in death from battle axe to saint through their rose tinted glasses.

A fair compromise might be - you pick a jointly chosen first name, then each get to choose a middle name. So he would get his mum’s name in there and you could put a family name in too. Lots of kids have two middle names.

Equal day means if you don’t like it then you can say no, just as if he doesn’t like a name you love he can say no. Tell him it’s a middle name and that’s that. He can’t force you to name your child anything

Equal say means 50:50 he gets to veto any of your choices he doesn’t like, you get to veto any of his you don’t like.

I hate the - “I’m the mum, I carried the baby so I get to decide”. I also don’t like the dad names the boys, the mum the girls. You both made the baby 50:50 so get an equal say in the name.

Technically you both get equal right to choose, and I know it's not a popular opinion on here, but imo morally the mum should have a bit more say. She is so much more involved in the making of the baby, pregnancy, hormones, the birth etc. It can be such a difficult time emotionally and physically after having a baby, I think it's quite cruel of your dh to insist on a name he knows you don't like. I chose my DC's names, my dh vetoed any he didn't like, that worked for us.

Isn’t this what middle names are for?

My son’s father was adamant we would use the name Colin (!) He is not called Colin and we’re divorced now.

Yeah equal say means finding a name that you both agree on. Me and DH vetoed loads of each others names. It was hard but we found something we could agree on.

Middle name is a fair solution and what i would do if DH insisted on something similar.

As others have said, you have equal rights to veto a name. Obviously it's a bit trickier when it is his mother's name but it still stands. I would rather name my children a name we both thought was OK than a name one of us loved and one hated. Personally I'm not a fan of naming after people. Why his mother and not yours? What if you have another girl, do they have a family name too? It's all to complicated for me.

For a deceased grandmother, giving her name as one of your baby's middle names would be quite fitting.

I appreciate she was a pain as your MIL but she's gone now, can't you make your peace with her?

As you are not married, you could just register the baby alone if he keeps insisting. Will baby have his surname too?

Depends what the name is. Is it something you can alter and modernise?

Or is it something like Joyce/Maureen/Sheila

Well, if you’re not married it’s up to you whether he’s on the birth certificate.............

Equal say does not mean unilateral say. Both of you get a veto on any name. You have vetoed this one, you both have to live with it. Tbh I'd have pretty serious concerns about the future relationship being as he is so utterly unreasonable here.

Say you don't like the name, end of.

Print two lists of the top 250 baby names, one for each of you. Tick any you like. Print two lists of the names both of you ticked, and give each name a mark out of 5. Take the top 5 names and from these, write down the first and middle name combinations. Vote again out of 5. Top-scoring name wins.

He sounds like a prince!

You need to sit down and choose a name together. You cannot go with a name either of you dislike.

I’ve got a 5 month old and my husband and I got equal say. There’s names I LOVED and he hated so we didn’t use them and vice versa.

Also as you’re not married I assume baby will have your surname?