I hate the baby name he wants!!

Both having an equal say means you both get to suggest names and both get to say yes/ no to names. It doesn’t mean either one of you get to dictate the name. In baby naming a no is more powerful than a yes as nobody should have to give their baby a name they hate.

Make a lists If the name one person suggests is a no then it’s off the list. If the other person likes it then it gets added to the maybes list. Then together you go through the list and agree on the name you like best - not necessarilly either persons first choice but rather the one you both agree on best.

I need to know the name.

I should be asleep

Just remember that his name doesn’t have to be on the birth certificate at all...,

Simple.. Suggest a name he’ll hate, say you love it. He’ll refuse and then you say “well I don’t like the name you’ve chosen”. Then compromise that you’ll neither name the other doesn’t like and find one that you both love.

You were a bit silly to say he could pick if it was a girl and the other way round. You both have to love the name.

I would rip my DH a new asshole & he'd loose all say in my DCs name if he ever pulled a stunt like telling his family, that we were considering a name I had already said no to, especially given that it's his mothers name, so that act comes with in-laws emotional pressure. He is bang out of order

I had a very similar situation where DH wanted to name DD after his recently deceased gran. There was much heartache over that. In the end we gave DD two middle names, the first of which was my uncontested choice, and the second was his gran's name. We both agreed on the first name.

As a second middle name it causes absolutely no bother. We never use it, and as I deliberately picked quite a long name for my choice of middle name, it doesn't even fit when we're filling in forms and stuff like that. To be honest, I'm not sure DD even knows she has two middle names and I never remind her.

I can see that this might not work for you, with the negative association. I was only able to compromise because DH's gran was a lovely woman and I was fond of her too, I just hated the name.

If you both cant agree then a name that you both agree on should be chosen 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd say no and stick to your guns

"it’s 2019, not the stone ages."

Exactly. And since we are all so enlightened now it's 2019, everyone recognises that women's surnames are just as important as men's surnames, no-one expects a child to be given its father's surname by default, and equal number numbers of women keep their surname after marriage as opposed to changing it!

Oh wait...

Agree with all, you cannot call your baby a name you don’t like. Just don’t do it. If he cannot understand your reasoning, I’m not too sure how loving your relationship is.. my other half would never force me to use a name I hated. Not in a million years.

I would add though, comments of if you aren’t married than the baby should/must have your surname or double barrel.. urm why? I’m not married & my daughter has my other half’s surname. We’ve no marriage plans, it’s not a huge deal to us. We’ll probably do so eventually.. it’s 2019, not the stone ages.

Our daughter is Annabelle. I wanted Annie. My other half preferred ‘proper’ names for the birth certificate, So we found one that we both love and enabled us to still use Annie day to day..

GIVE THE BABY YOUR SURNAME. DO NOT COMPROMISE ON THIS.

Say no end off you don’t like the name and it’s a joint decision.

You’re totally right, Darling. Equal say. I say it’s never fucking happening. See ya!

"Equal say means you both have to agree"

This ^ and this v v v

"Equal say=equal veto"

Could you choose by each separately writing a list of your preferred names in order of preference, @sl07, and then go through both lists together to find the first name that appears on both lists?

So, for example, if his second choice was Isla, and Isla also appeared on your list (albeit as your fourth choice, for example) that would be the first name you both agreed on, and would be your daughters first name.

Likewise, a middle name could be chosen, by seeking out the second name that appeared on both lists, and so on.

I agree with the poster who said that your baby should have your surname (if you and your partner have different surnames) or, as a compromise, both your surnames (not one as a middle name) or a combination of part of both surnames.

Maybe one of the sites like namedtogether.com or babynametogether.com could be useful? Let's you both put in names you like and then says which ones showed up on both. For ours, I would come up with name lists and he would rate them and we'd go back and forth for a while, but that was before sites like these which I think could be good.

He can't just railroad you with him having equal say - because then you also have equal say to say yes or no.

You both need to like your child’s name, so if you hate it then it’s off the table. Just like if he hates a name it’s also off the table. Unless he claims to hate every single other girls name in which case honestly I would push him off the table!

I would agree to use it as a middle name. You jointly choose the first name then choose a middle name each. And if you’re not married then baby gets your surname, that should be non-negotiable.

He sounds like a right bully. You can bully him right back by pointing out that if you are unmarried (OH suggests you are) that you have the right not to name him as father on the birth certificate. Then the name choice will 100% yours.

So, either he can work with you to agree a name that you both like, or he can be cut out of the process altogether.

If you call your baby by his mum's name and give her your mil's surname, if it is the same as your OH's, she'll just have his mum's name.
If it was me, then OH's mum's name is nice enough but not trendy nowadays, I still wouldn't give a DD her nan's name.
Say you'r MIL was called Barbara Smith, why the f should you call your baby Barbara Smith too.
Give the baby her own name.

You both get a say it should be 50/50 - BUT you BOTH have to like the name chosen and think it's the right one.

His mother's name clearly doesn't work here.

I don't agree with giving your child a middle name you hate either.

How do I get out of this one???

You have a choice. You either veto the name or you accept that your baby has a name you hate.

Still think it's a hard decision?

I think Raymond and Ray are really nice.

You both get equal veto but it sounds like this is going to end up with him using a veto on every single other name. It will come down to who is more stubborn; but u don't think he will eve consider any other name. You will end up with "no, no, no" and he will keep saying no until you relent.

No is a complete sentence.

He should not be discussing this with his family. That in itself is enough for me to firmly believe he is out of order.

Both parents need to like the name. Any name one of you vetos goes off the table immediately.

If honouring her is important to him and you would like to offer some crumbs you could 1) give a name with same initial 2) give another name with a similar meaning. This could still be a middle name scenario with a first name that you both like that does not recall his mother.

Baby is a whole new person who is your child, and does not need to be named for someone you disliked.

(Part of me worries that whatever is on the birth certificate his family will insist on calling her after your mil and point out resemblances that mayn't even exist because they have decided that this baby is so somehow here in her place. I had a classmate whose family on one side called her by a different name to the one she used at school for similar reasons).

Yes his attitude stinks. DH and I have both had names that we absolutely loved and wanted to use but and the other didn’t. We just kept talking until we came up with a name we both liked.

Nope. Middle name by all means but not the first name. It’s a 50:50 decision, not 100% his.

My DH wanted to name our DS Raymond after his Grandfather, I flat out refused because I wasn’t giving birth to a pensioner. It’s his middle name instead, nice easy compromise.