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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name choice - regret - change or keep

87 replies

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 11:46

New to mumsnet and looking to canvass some honest opinion outside of the main circle of people I know. My partner and I whittled baby names for our new boy down to a few. We had a lot of trouble deciding any boys names and have an older son for which a name decision was difficult as well. For a long time, I'd just assumed we'd call the lad a certain name we'd been joking about assuming he'll just be called when he arrives. In the end, we didn't use it.

I thought I was ambivalent between the names and my partner had a definite preference, so we named our lad that. During the name registration itself, we were going to change the middle name to something I liked much better than what we originally decided, but I got cold feet about it and didn't make the change.

We agreed a name that will be the formal name, but instead we'll use the nickname (the nickname adds a letter to the formal name so it's not a straight nickname and if people hear the formal name, they may call him a different nickname). I don't particularly like the default nickname from the formal name but we'd agreed we just won't use it, however this has not been true now that the name is in use.

There was another name I loved and we were going to use, but it is one of those many people would think is a girl's name rather than a boy's name if seen on paper. I decided this just was unfair to do to the child because his brother has a normal male name. Living in a city, it seemed like it would be a "trendy" or "hipster" name especially since we are very English and the name is very Eastern European generally and we have no Eastern European roots.

So now I'm not sure if I should change his name to the one I had always assumed it was going to be, change it to the "trendy" name that I had loved or try to get used to this one and get over the regret that went into this name being decided (we absolutely rushed the naming as my partner thought my indecision was similar to my previous indecision for my previous son). And if we change the name, a) are we damaging him forever as the original would always be on the long form birth certificate? b) should we try to keep this current name with him as a middle name?

Sorry, quite a long one! Very grateful for any opinions on this though.

OP posts:

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spellingtest · 14/05/2019 09:58

@TatianaLarina

It’s always worth remembering that parents can’t control over what diminutive their child prefers nor their children are called by friends and teachers

Exactly, despite my son asking be called Alexander he gets Alex. He pretty much answers to anything though! He's a happy boy so that's the most important thing

ReganSomerset · 14/05/2019 09:30

FWIW there are many more male than female Alexes if you look at the stats

Indeed. I've only met one female Alex, round here they're all Lexi.

Edward/Ed/Ted. Ted/dy is a traditional dim for Edward I don’t know why people think it’s only related to Theo

I agree. Bear Grylls is an Edward. I think he must have gone Edward - > Teddy - > Bear

Surely most people have heard of Sacha Baron-Cohen?

I have. It's why I don't like the name Sacha.

pineapplepatty · 14/05/2019 08:17

Sacha is a girl's name to me. I've known one bit called it and he hated it. Must be in his early twenties by now.

George is nice but not much of a different name than Edward. Both royal with a nice sound

I'd stick with Ted if I were you. Maybe Edward George.

TatianaLarina · 14/05/2019 08:05

As I said I don't like Alex but some of his teachers do call him this which slightly annoys me.

It’s always worth remembering that parents can’t control over what diminutive their child prefers nor their children are called by friends and teachers etc.

TatianaLarina · 14/05/2019 08:03

FWIW there are many more male than female Alexes if you look at the stats.

I like Edward/Ed/Ted. Ted/dy is a traditional dim for Edward I don’t know why people think it’s only related to Theo.

I also like Alexander/Alex and Sacha/Saschas (male name generally spelt with a c).

I’ve know a couple of male Saschas but I live in London and no-one would bat an eyelid about it here. Surely most people have heard of Sacha Baron-Cohen?

3luckystars · 13/05/2019 22:51

Write it down with his surname.

Write your favourite one down and sleep on it tonight.

Sometimes a name choice is made for you.

ReganSomerset · 13/05/2019 22:51

George is nice, Sacha is... Not my cup of tea, to put it mildly.

I'd just roll with it personally. I had a wobble about dd's name at that stage but now she's nearly a year old I can't imagine her being anything else.

mummabubs · 13/05/2019 22:41

For what it's worth OP in relation to your comment about worrying that people will assume a cultural link where there isn't one... I say if you love the name then go for it! Our 18mo DS has a Scandinavian name (not common in the uk, only 14 registered last year) and we have no connection to Scandinavia whatsoever. We just fell in love with the name as for a boys name it's quite soft and lyrical but also has a more 'macho' nickname should he ever wish to use it. What's most important is that you like the name :)

spellingtest · 13/05/2019 22:17

I have an Alexander. He is known as Al for short (not Alex, to me that's a totally different name). He's also known as Albert or Bert. I only tend to use Alexander if he's been particularly naughty! The only thing I would say is when choosing a name that can shortened make sure you like all the choices. As I said I don't like Alex but some of his teachers do call him this which slightly annoys me. That said he's his own boy and will introduce himself according to what's comfortable to him

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 22:11

Ikeameatballs - yes, sounds like the same exact problem indeed. It's wanting a mixed use potentially of full name Edward and nickname Ted/Teddy that os problematic. Thus calling him Tedward a lot :)

OP posts:

itbemay1 · 13/05/2019 20:17

I bloody love Humphrey!

Not helpful I know.

Ikeameatballs · 13/05/2019 20:10

I love Edward and it’s DS’s middle name but I much prefer Ted to Eddie as a nickname and it was the possibility of Eddie that out me off it as a first name. I now sometimes regret not just using it as a first name and pushing Ted over Ed iyswim. I think that this can still be done for your LO and it’s what I would push for.
I’ve known one adult Sacha, it didn’t seem to cause him any problems but he had a cultural heritage which fitted the name.

MikeUniformMike · 13/05/2019 20:05

George is fine.

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 19:59

Emmar - that sounds almost identical to my problem! George is a fantastic replacement!

BigusBumus - that's great your son grew into you liking Harry for a name. Given the family history, that's brilliant you went for it despite not fully loving it. I would do the same if there was a strong family tradition. That's what's thrown me off about this name, there doesn't feel like a connection to anything for it (obviously my son is now connected to it, but something wider than that is desirable too). I'm not really even a fan of the name meaning (guardian of wealth - unless hopefully that wealth is in the non-monetary sense).

MikeUniformMike - Alec was a contender but it seemed like we'd really need to work at making it stick and it clashes with surname a bit.

OP posts:

MikeUniformMike · 13/05/2019 19:00

I like Alec.

BigusBumus · 13/05/2019 18:57

My third son in a Harry, named after BOTH of me and DHs grandfathers. I don't LOVE the name, its not what i would have had given the final say, but its what made everyone happy. He is deffo a Harry now though!

emmar88 · 13/05/2019 18:56

I named my son Alexander originally and was going to use the name Xander as a NN. Soon realised after birth everyone was naturally going to call him Alex (which I don't like !!) I changed his name to George in the end x

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 15:46

MummyBear2352 - that's great you got used to the name even though it wasn't the one you originally imagined. The fact you had a dream related to the new name sounds like it gives a bit of a connection to it.

I think part of my problem is that I feel like the name came out of nowhere a bit, the other names have a slight connection (even if it is very small connections, previously imagined name, previously debated name for son 1).

But I agree, the name can become just the name. That is what I am trying to guage. Would I just get so used to him with current name that it seems insane he'd be anything else or would there always be a slight feel of regret? It is hard to predict.

OP posts:

MummyBear2352 · 13/05/2019 15:32

Personally I would probably just try to get used to it, as after a while a name is just a name and doesn’t really effect the person or how you feel about them. For example, my partner doesn’t have a name I particularly like but it’s just his name and it obviously doesn’t effect our connection.

I had the same situation as you with my little girl where I had always imagined a certain name but we used to joke we would use a certain name after I had a dream I had a baby with that name. That’s the one we ended up going for and though it wasn’t what I imagined all those years I couldn’t imagine her as anything else now and it’s just a part of who she is.

If you do feel strongly about it though I would just do it sooner rather than later before the name sticks too much and you end up unable to see him as anything else.

I would say I know about an equal number or male and female Sacha’s too, so I don’t think you need to worry about that choice being too girly.

Bunnysmum · 13/05/2019 15:20

OP IVe sent you an inbox

HastaLaVistaPrint · 13/05/2019 15:12

I love Sacha. I would definitely have avoided George and think Edward is a bit dull. Sacha FTW!

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 15:06

Nonnymum - definitely agree Sasha is a lovely name, I just wonder expect I'd already have a Sasha (or Sacha) by now if it were really meant to be given the first lad had this on his list of potential names too.

Clownfish - Alex in my head I know is definitely a boy's name, it's just the problem of knowing so many female Alexes personally that my natural default would be to assume girl then boy even if that's not truly the case.

OP posts:

CrinolineQueen · 13/05/2019 15:04

She's told us the names

MummyBear2352 · 13/05/2019 15:03

What are the names?!

Clownfish123 · 13/05/2019 14:55

Also if you are concerned that Alex is girly, it definitely isn't. It is far more commonly used for boys than girls, both the full name, and the shortening. I think it is a great unisex name but if I saw it written down I would be more likely to assume boy.

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