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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Surname

29 replies

AnnieMay100 · 19/04/2019 12:03

Quick question for pregnant friend... she is expecting her first baby in May and doesn’t want to give it the dads surname but her surname doesn’t ‘go’ with the first name she has chosen and dead set on using regardless. What have you ladies done to work around this? Can she pick any old made up surname?

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RaffertyFair · 20/04/2019 23:31

Sounds like you've done what you can.
Hopefully it'll sink in and she'll reconsider the first name.

Original poster

AnnieMay100 · 20/04/2019 22:12

It was her idea when people started making comments about how the name sounds as an alternative as she refuses to change the first name. I do agree with comments here and I did tell her the baby could have a lifetime of teasing in a kind way but there’s not much more I can do! Maybe I and others are just overthinking it and in the future the common ‘offensive words’ won’t be a thing

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RaffertyFair · 20/04/2019 20:53

Was the surname change your thought AnnieMay100? As a way of avoiding the offensive phrase rather than something your friend has actually considered?

Are you trying to find a way of steering her away from saddling her child with a potential lifetime's teasing/comment?

CloserIAm2Fine · 20/04/2019 19:11

If she’s going to use a random surname then I’d suggest using one she has a connection to like mothers maiden name, and that she changes her own name to match.

I would just choose another first name though

Original poster

AnnieMay100 · 20/04/2019 17:54

I can understand everyone’s views I feel the same, but I do believe her surname is the bigger problem no matter what name she uses there will still be smirks it’s just unfortunate this name she’s chosen makes it sound rude. I’m hoping she has a change of heart when baby arrives and she thinks of another name but at the moment she refuses to consider another and thinks it will sound normal the more it’s heard

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RaffertyFair · 20/04/2019 17:16

My advice would be never to give a combination of names that open a child up to ridicule or bullying. Using initials won't make any difference if the first and surname together sound like an offensive phrase ...

But I find it really strange that someone would prioritise a first name above every other consideration

If she gives a made up surname is she planning on changing hers?

I can see how a couple might want to create a family surname rather than pick one instead of another. But to make up a surname simply to facilitate using one specific first name makes no sense to me.

MillicentMartha · 20/04/2019 17:04

I have an acquaintance whose DC have a ‘made up’ surname. They are called Graye while their parents are called Gaye. The DF had years of homophobic teasing and didn’t want it for his DC. Could a slight change like that work? Could your friend change her surname to match?

Original poster

AnnieMay100 · 20/04/2019 17:03

Thanks everyone I’ll pass on

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desparate4sleep · 20/04/2019 17:02

Could she use a double barrelled surname and link her surname with her mums maiden name (or a made up name)

Bumblebeesmum · 20/04/2019 16:59

She could combine names though - a friend had surname Goode & married a Smith & they became Goodesmith - having both parent surnames combined makes a lot more sense than a random surname
also if she has more kids then what?

Bumblebeesmum · 20/04/2019 16:58

Using a made up surname is bizarre
She should use a different first name

Cookit · 20/04/2019 15:45

I don’t really get the question to be honest.
It’s a bit odd to not use either your own surname, the Dad’s surname or some kind of variant on both (either with a hyphen or a “new” surname that combines both).
There isn’t any way round it if she won’t use an existing surname. She’s just going to have to make up one then, and have the baby not share a surname with any family.

bridgetreilly · 20/04/2019 10:56

I mean, she can make up a surname, but it's a really weird (and imo, stupid) thing to do just because she's set on a particular first name. My advice would be to stop being so stubborn and choose a different first name.

Original poster

AnnieMay100 · 20/04/2019 10:22

She definitely won’t change the first name and just hopes it will grow on everyone. Using the full name with middle name sounds ok imo and suggestion of AJ has grown on her but won’t help him as an adult

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tmc14 · 20/04/2019 08:24

I really would pick a different first name. If it’s got significance, use as a middle name. We loved a name but didn’t use it as it sounded terrible with our surname. That’s just the way it goes sometimes. Most important is that her and her child have the same surname and she doesn’t lumber her child with a name that sounds bad.

Cbeebiesrehab · 19/04/2019 22:38

If it’s really that bad that it may cause offence she really can’t use it. I think a random surname would also be a bad idea-the child may be confused when older and doesn’t have the same surname as her mother or father. If double barrel surname isn’t an option then maybe double barrel first name (although I’m not keen)
Is it really that bad or is there a chance you’re both overthinking it?

Original poster

AnnieMay100 · 19/04/2019 13:51

Without giving her away (she’s already had rude comments from family and they could be on here) I’ve suggested initials AJ-surname could be used at school to draw attention away, bad idea? It’s a shame as it’s a lovely name

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ItsAGo · 19/04/2019 13:42

If her surname is smith and dads is Jones, she can give her baby the surname fortescue if she wants. A middle name to break up a bad name is bollocks as it won’t be used in real life. How many of you can name your good friends middle names?

NutMeghan · 19/04/2019 13:42

Yes you can make up or chose a completely different surname. Completely allowed! I know a couple of people who have done this for various reasons.

BlueMerchant · 19/04/2019 13:40

I know I know the dreaded hyphen. That's why I mentioned without hyphen but really if she loves the name it may not be a bad idea to have the hyphen there! Imo

Original poster

AnnieMay100 · 19/04/2019 13:34

Thanks ladies I’ll pass on suggestions, she has a middle name picked which breaks it up but she’s thinking of the school register scenario as most teachers would just say first and last

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BlueMerchant · 19/04/2019 13:31

Would putting a mn that she uses in there too make much difference?
Kind of like Sarah Louise (with no hyphen)

notharryssally · 19/04/2019 13:26

I think I would just choose a different first name?

adeo1929 · 19/04/2019 13:22

Is the dad involved? She could double barrel? Unless she doesn't want dad's name at all

dementedpixie · 19/04/2019 13:21

She can choose whatever name she wants but I wouldn't want to give my baby a surname that wasn't related to my own. Would a middle name make them go together better?

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