Denise...

Both of my children have middle names 'after' somebody - one is Kenneth and one is Brian. Hardly lovely or modern names and neither especially goes with their first names, but in my family it's tradition to honour an important friend or relative with a middle name, rather than just pluck a random name out of thin air. I also have thus kind of middle name and it's about the least nice name there is, but I hardly ever use it and neither do my children.

My brother used to just tell people he didn't have a middle name because he didn't like his.

Use the name.

The male equivalent of Denise would be Denis.

Unless you really disliked your mil, I don't think this is up for too much discussion really. It's either Denise or one of her middle names.

Everyone knows out of kilter middle names are probably in honour of someone.

To be fair I think the male equivalent of Denise might be something like Trevor and I don't see people rushing to use that either!

But I think all these unfashionable French names like Denise, Christine, Jacqueline, Lorraine etc. will be a big naming trend in 20 years time or so. They'll sound fresh again by that stage.

(I hope Trevor never makes a comeback though!)

Your MIL, Denise, died very young - I think it would be lovely to give your daughter her name. As others have said, Flora Denise is a nice combination.

To dilute things, if you're really not convinced, why not add a third name? In reality, middle names don't count - how often are they used?

My granddaughter aged 9 has my rather dated name as her middle name

I think Flora Denise works well.

Honestly I think Denise is nicer than Iris (that really is old fashioned and ugly IMO), and anyway it's only a middle name.

Juliet Denise and Flora Denise are lovely.

Agree with a PP, it's unfortunate that as soon as a name is associated with middle-aged (gasp!) women, it's considered ugly. Much more so than boys names from the same generation.

Saskia is my favorite on your list and I love the Iris idea! Or maybe Amythyst as that's the birthstone for February? Just another idea.

Sorry your lost your mother, but massive congratulations on the baby!

I actually think Denise sounds nice with your first name choices - if you separate the name from an association with women in their fifties it is actually quite pretty and not dissimilar to say Elise, which is very popular. It’s definitely better as a middle name than filler names like Grace and Rose and it will probably be ultra cool by the time she is a teenager.

I think it's fine as a middle name. It's not ugly. I know two lovely Denises and it never crossed my mind that anyone would think it an ugly name.
Please use it as a middle name.

I agree with Genevieva - use it after another middle name that ‘goes’ better with the chosen first name. I don’t really like Denise either, but agree with pps that it would seem harsh not to honour your MIL by using her actual name. Something like Juliet Annabel Denise sounds better than just Juliet Denise, whilst still honouring your bany’s Grandmother. Good luck with it all

My dd has her deceased mils name as a second name. Same type of name as Denise. Worse even!!
I was a bit nervous she would never forgive me.
Her main name has become very popular in last few years and now she says why didn't you call me...her grans name. Its like its vintage or something and she is quite proud of it.
Go for Denise. It makes your dh happy and who knows she might love it.
Connections are important and mean a lot to children as they grow.

I'm not sure you can bury it , it will still be a middle name. It's either there or it's not. Unless you plan to announce her name as JULIET.FLORA...........tiny swift mumble of denise. SMITH.

I think it does have to be a genuine name, if not Denise did she have a middle name, maiden name or family nickname that may work?

I agree, it’s not a nice name, and doesn’t go well with your other names - they’re of different generations.

But given that it means so much to your dh, I would probably bury it behind another middle name.

Something like:
Flora Madeleine Denise
Juliet Flora Denise

Look, if you have to spend ten minutes explaining why Iris is connected to Denise by stretching to establish a connection with a birth month, it’s really not honoring the person you’re supposed to be honoring is it?Don’t do this to your DH. It’s disingenuous and disrespectful. It’s going to be a middle name, it’s actually not ugly and sounds fine with all the names the names on your list except perhaps Saskia which is a bit of a mouthful all by itself tbh.

You hardly ever use the middle name and it's a really nice gesture. Denise sounds fine with the names on your list.

Let your husband have this, it would mean a lot to him. Losing a mum is horrible.

Denise as a middle name is fine. I hate my middle name (female version of father's name🙄) but it's so rarely used I don't think about it.

My niece got saddled with Brenda as a middle name for exactly the same reasons OP. She has a beautiful first name although it also begins with a B so her full name sounds clunky.
She never ever uses it apart from very official documents. I'd let your husband have his way on this. Middle names are pretty pointless really.

Agree with majority, you only really use middle name for documents etc, so it's never used. I am in my 50's and only my immediately family know my middle name, (no-one else has ever asked or wanted to know). so think how happy it would make your DH to use it and honour his mum.

I think Denise goes well with all those names. My favourite of your list is Saskia Denise. Middle names often sound good if the emphasis is on the second syllable - that's why names like Marie and Louise were popular as middle names, so Denise works well in that respect.

I don't think Denise is ugly at all. If it wasn't for it being associated with women in their 50s and 60s, and it reemerged today, it would probably be seen as fresh and new. (I sometimes think we should question why a name's association with middle aged and older women is such a terrible thing that it makes the name seem ugly and old. But this thread isn't the place really so feel free to ignore me.)

Ultimately, if you hate it so much then you probably shouldn't use it as you'll end up resentful. But then you'd really need to say something to your husband as soon as possible so he has time to come to terms with it. Personally I would be upset in his shoes, but she is as much your baby as his which means you both get a say.

I really dislike Denise as well, but all of your first names are lovely.

Whether you use it as a middle name or not can only be judged by how important it is to your DH. I like Iris in memory too.

It's not a great name but seriously how often do we really roll out our middle names? I would just choose nice name - nice name - Denise - surname. It's a nice thing for your husband and it really doesn't matter

I do associate Denise with women born roughly from the late forties to the mid sixties. But by the time your DD is an adult, it might be fashionable again.

I think it’s quite nice and works fine as a middle name. Louise is a super-popular middle name for women my age and Denise doesn’t sound that different. As a PP has suggested, you could also add another middle name if you think that would sound better.

Also I think it will be lovely for DD to have that connection with her granny that she never got to meet.

I think using it for its meaning is a lot more important than going with something you prefer, especially when it’s hardly ever going to be used. Think of how much this means to your DH, it’s his baby as much as yours.