I hate my common name! Can I change it as an adult?

Nothing wrong with Louise, it was my granny’s name - nn Louie.

OP, we could have been in the same class at school, because there were four Louises there too, and many more in other classes in the year! When you're mixing with people your age every day for years, issues like this are a bigger deal, but once you leave education and everybody disperses into the workplace, it's less noticeable. I only know one Louise on a social basis now.

Having said that - I also have a common name for women of my age, and I hated it. Then one day, I got a catalogue from a luxury goods brand whose mailing list I had inadvertently got onto, and they had used a sort of European, rather glamorous variant of my first name which I decided I much preferred. So sometimes I introduce myself to new people as that, and give that name to Starbucks to put on my cup. I haven't changed it officially and my family still use my proper name, but I like the thought that I can play around with it sometimes!

My name was in the top 3 the year I was born and the following couple of years (early 70s) so I was one of several at school. But it wasn't common before and there hasn't yet been a revival, and it's not a classic either... that said I don't and have never disliked it. Family and close friends use one shortened form, while I loathe the other common short, as it just feels completely alien. I have a much less common middle name that I've occasionally toyed with as an alternative.

If I hated it, I'd bin it though, no question. A friend of mine did, changed his whole name, and fair play to him but I never ever managed to get his original name out of my head

I’d have loved a common name talktoo. My name is far more popular now, I was just 40 years too early.

A cautionary tale ...

There's always a chance your DC wont like their name,talktoo. Too common, too unusual, association with a character in film etc. etc. But the reality is that the vast majority are perfectly happy.

I know many Louises and none have had an issue with their name. And I'd be willing to bet that the vast majority of children growing up with the names you hate will be perfectly happy too.

A cautionary tale to everyone to thinks to call their dc something common popular like Amelia, Emily, Mia, Finn, Hugo, Jake, Jackson or Aiden. Hate them all!!

I think it's very disrespectful not to get to grips with a name change by someone you care about.

snog

Its nothing to do with lack of respect. If you've known someone for decades, you use their name totally spontaneously and automatically. The neural pathways are really firmly established.

To change that pattern takes continuous conscious thought and repetition.. That conscious focus on the persons name, really gets in the way of normal interaction.

It's completely different to someone changing their surname on marriage.

Should say DM me if you see this/have a response. Not trying to out anybody.

I say go for it. My mum has spent her whole life hating her name, nowadays, there's really no need.

A friend of mine changed hers in her 20s, having been through a bad time: new name, new me. Her (random, not well known) religion encouraged it. Nobody died and we all got used to it.

As importantly, I want to know if Popski 's Lesley\Lel is the Lesley I went to college with (but lost touch). Does she have red hair??

I think it's very disrespectful not to get to grips with a name change by someone you care about.

I have a friend in her 40s.
She had a very common name for her generation.
She changed it to a very common name for this current generation of babies (think Evie, Lexi, Izzy) and I haven't been able to adjust as it feels very awkward, so I avoid calling her anything.

I have a fabulous friend who hated her name for all the same reasons as you OP. And finally decided to change to a variant of her middle name when she changed jobs in her mid 30s
Whilst her old friends fully supported her choice and we really did try to use her new name but it was honestly really difficult!
A familiar name slips out without thinking.
And then it can be awkward.
She gave up in the end. But there is a small group of people she knows from that job (20 years ago now) who call her by new name because that's how they'd always known her

OP, do what is right for you. Sometimes taking ownership of something can be as powerful as changing it.

Also think carefully about the reduction in anonymity. There are benefits and security in having a common name online.

About 18 months after doing therapy, I started using a shortened version of my name which I'd never used before. (Ideally I would have done the change I wish I'd done at the start of uni - using a middle name as my first name - but that seemed impractical now as everyone knew my by my normal name.) I only did this for about a year and it started to feel silly and just not me. It was a phase I probably needed to go through as part of the process of change stemming from the therapy, but I'm glad I didn't do anything more drastic. Later my name just didn't seem as important any more. I still don't like it very much but I don't give it as much thought.

A uni friend changed her name over 15 years ago and mutual friends still refer to her by her old name, which contributed to my idea that a full change probably wasn't worth it. She also moved to a new area not long after changing it which must be one of the reasons most of these people have never got properly used to it.

You could try making the change on social media and with new people and seeing how that feels rather than doing a deed poll. If you still feel better about it in a year or two then maybe do the legal change, and change it at work?

If Louloubelle really was your name, people would shorten it anyway. It's a bit of a mouthful. All the Louises I know get called Lou.

If you love Loulabelle go for it! 🤗

DBro just chose to use his middle name ather than his fairly prosaic first name when he was about 18. He did t need to chxbfe any documents or anything. It took a long time for family to get used to calling him something different though.

I also hate my name. I use a shortened version but my immediate family only call me by my full name which makes me cringe, and all official documents obviously have my full name.

I HATE my full name with a passion. It’s very unusual (even more so growing up in the 80s rather than now when names are much more varied). I have a huge complex over using the full name and brings back so many memories from being a child when everyone always said “what?” “Who?” And coupled up with a slight childhood lisp it was just a whole lot of embarrassment. It gave me huge self esteem issues and I used to lie and pretend my name was something else.

I’d love to change it by deedpol but I know my DM would be upset. What makes it worse is my DB has such a lovely but easy name!

Sorry, gone off on a bit of a tangent there.

A friend of a friend changed her name legally from something pretty but ordinary and not actually that common (like Penelope) to something mad, hippy and just too much (think Emerald). No one who knew her before can bring themselves to call her Emerald and everyone thinks she’s crackers. So tread carefully on the new name.

I only know one Louise and she is in her 20’s. Not that common here. Although I know several people who have it as a middle name.

I think it would be difficult for your family to change it.. but I like MrsJanes idea of keeping it similar. Luella/ Lucy/ Louisa

Everyone would get used to a new name pretty fast ime and would respect your decision as clearly it matters to you.

@DipIt OP doesn't think she has a shit name, just an overly common one. She also alluded to having therapy.

I have had exactly the same thoughts as OP. I have a name which is very common for women of my age so it feels unspecial and generic. The point I was trying to make was the happier I am in life / the older I get the less I care about what my name is / how it is perceived.

I know 4 louises! 😬

I say go for it but... What about keeping close to your name, it might be easier for everyone (and you!) to adjust. For example:

Elouise (Ellie, Ella)
Louisa
Lula
Luella

Lol! I’m a similar age to you and I hated my uncommon name at school, and would tell people I was called Louise!

Look at traditional nicknames for Louise perhaps - Lucy, Lulu, but there may be more unusual ones. (Why Margaret and Peggy are linked for instance?)