Is your baby taking your surname or your partners?

Please be careful when deciding on arrangements for your return to work after having the baby. Unmarried mums can end up in a very vulnerable financial position. And definitely give the baby your surname. If he wants it to have his, he can marry you.

We were married before DS but I didn't take DH's name. I also stated at the time that any children would have my surname as a middle name. Our names sound ridiculous double barrelled and this way they still have my surname but don't have to use it. It has caused some confusion initially with drs and so on but is pretty easy to understand.

In your case though I would give any children your surname. It's important to you and you'll be doing all the heavy lifting. You could always double barrel if you get married. Or DH could take your name.

DD has my surname and I'm glad she does. Ex Dp was an arsehole about it when she was born. I would have given both last names if we could have discussed it properly.

He's welcome to use his last name for her if he signs her up for activities but officially her last name is mine which makes sense because I do the day to day stuff, Dr, nursery etc.

But then I also appear to be in another minority for genuinely not understanding why anyone, man or woman, would change their surname when they get married in the first place!

Baby MySurname-HisSurname

We aren't married, haven't been together that long, though he has asked.

If we married we could both change to match DD or keep our own names.

As an aside both of our surnames probably end with us (him the only son and me the only child who "should" have children)

We weren't married at the time; we are now, but I always knew I would never take his name even if we did marry (and in the end we've only married as a technicality for the legal side of things).

DC have DP's surname. One, this was a serious (10+ years) relationship and we weren't married by choice, not by omission. Two, I wouldn't take his name anyway so we'd never all share a surname. Three, double barreling didn't work with our surnames, sounded awful. But mainly three, I was not bothered. It really does not bother me at all that my DC have a different surname to me. That's their name, their own individual name. If they didn't have the same surname as either DP or me, if we'd decided for the hell of it to give them the surname Yossarian or something because we loved the book, that would be the same.

DP said he would prefer them to share his name, which is his prerogative too. So we had a conversation and decided they would take his surname.

However I do appreciate that I see to be in a distinct minority for not minding at all what their surname is

Usual MNetters advice is to use your name.

Don’t stop working FT unless you have significant financial assets! Too much of a personal financial risk.

If a man could not be bothered to marry me, no way would he be getting to give his surname to our children (mind you, I would not have kids without the legal protection that marriage brings).

This sums up my view too.

I would prefer to get married before having a baby with someone. I would certainly not give our kids his name if he's unwilling to commit and marry!

Why not give her your name for now, then if you get married later and want to change your name to his you could change hers at the same time?

I've known several women who bitterly regretted giving their children the name of a man who didn't see his long term future with them.

Give her your name

Much easier to change it to his if you get married and choose to take his name then to change it to yours if you split up and he refuses

My first 3 children have their fathers name and I deeply regret it. He's been absent for most of their lives and is a crap father. The 2 younger children have my name because dh surname is horrific and he didn't want to bestow that on 2 little girls (he didn't even want me to change my name when we married either) so I have 2 in my name and 3 in another. I wish I'd given the older ones my name it all gets very confusing 🙈

If a man could not be bothered to marry me, no way would he be getting to give his surname to our children (mind you, I would not have kids without the legal protection that marriage brings).

^This.

I got married first and took his surname. We discussed it first and he offered to use my surname. DC have the married surname.
It is better for a child to have the same surname as the mother.
If you get married, you can have your children's surname changed.

It might also give him a nudge to get married. You are legally in a better position if you are married.

We have two kids, both "double barrelled" surnames although no hyphen. No issues with any documents or travelling ever.

There is no way I would give my child a different surname from me. So it would be my name, or double-barrelled. Especially if he is dragging his heels about getting married, that would make me lean towards my name alone.

Also, travelling without your partner can be tricky if you have a different surname to the kids. Another issue if you split.

We gave his surname because we live in his country and it is easier for her to have a native surname.

If a man could not be bothered to marry me, no way would he be getting to give his surname to our children (mind you, I would not have kids without the legal protection that marriage brings).

Not married but we gave DC the OH's last name. Like PP, my surname is from my bio father who was extremely abusive in every way possible so I didn't want to associate my DC with that name. I'm glad about it, and even if we split I'd still rather they didn't have a name I hate.

My DD has her Dad's last name. Even if we broke up I'd still be fine with that. He's still always gonna be her Dad.

He also has a much better last name than me 😂

For me the first and foremost consideration was that I wanted to have the same name as my children. I would never have another situation, even temporarily.

Our little boy is being registered in a couple weeks and we've decided to give him my OHs sirname, but only because we're getting married in July so we'll all be the same. Otherwise, I'd feel I want a double barrelled surname.

My eldest two have their dad's (exh) last name only. I was young and regret allowing that to happen , he said it was 'traditional' and twenty something me didn't think to argue.

My youngest has a hyphenated name 'baby dh last name-my last name'. My husband and I have the same last name. My husband and I both wanted to change our names as a gesture to the other.

My partners.

I hate my surname. It’s my dads and he was/is an abusive drunk - if it wasn’t for the fact I’m known professionally by it I’d change mine too.

My two kids have my ex's surname and it's one of my biggest regrets! If I did it all over again they'd have mine with no doubt at all about it