Is your baby taking your surname or your partners?

I think some of these comments are quite sexist - there’s a presumption that a break up somehow makes him less of the child’s Dad??

No, I think what people are noting is thatas is so often the case the Mum here is hoping to get married and do things officially, while the Dad is dragging his feet, which raises questions about his commitment level to his partner and his child.

The idea of spending a fortune to be committed to someone, which then costs a lot and causes a mess to leave, just doesn’t appeal to me. After watching my own family and messy divorces I’d rather walk with what I can carry and deal with having a different name..

Marriage does not cost a fortune--it costs about 150 quid at the reg. office. You can get the legal protections of marriage without having a wedding if you don't want to do that.

And cohabiting relationships are much more likely to break up than marriages.

Of course a divorce is "messier" (involves more legal back-and-forth) than the breakup of a cohabiting partnership--precisely because a divorce results in the creation of a settlement that will offer some protection to the lower-earning spouse, usually the woman, and this involves some legal back-and-forth!

When a cohabiting relationship breaks up, it is less "messy" because the guy can basically just walk away, leaving the woman in a sorry financial state in many cases.

Sorry few not little

However, when Himmler came in, my father's surname changed and again due to capture. I had little emotional issues about it.

DD has my name. I never considered anything else. She feels part of "our" family. Her father wasn't involved so it would have been pointless anyway. We were together eight years.

There was a thread on here recently where a couple were getting married and she was planning to take his surname.

His ex was very unhappy about this. Basically the guy had had a kid with the ex and the kid had been given the guy's surname (say Brown). The guy had never married the ex, so obviously she still had her own original surname (say Smith).

Now the ex was faced with the situation where the dad and the stepmother were going to be Mr and Mrs Brown and share their surname with Kid Brown just like in Happy Families, whereas the ex was left with a different surname from her own kid.

His name, I’m the last living with my surname. DM remarried when I was an adult so could choose to follow her or not, didn’t care a names a name. Never been attached to my “family name”

He’d entertain marriage before I would too. The idea of spending a fortune to be committed to someone, which then costs a lot and causes a mess to leave, just doesn’t appeal to me. After watching my own family and messy divorces I’d rather walk with what I can carry and deal with having a different name.. it’s only a word, and surely instead of changing ds’s I could just change mine to match and obviously I don’t need dp’s permission for that.

I have 3 DC, they had their father's name as we planned to marry but never dd. He left and I have never been able to travel abroad with them because of the different surname. Though they are fully resident with me, I would have to ask his permission or go to court.

I'm an old fashioned girl. A traditionalist.

And the tradition is that the children of unmarried couples are given their mother's surname. So give your child your name, or both names.

I inwardly shake my head at women who do otherwise.

I think some of these comments are quite sexist - there’s a presumption that a break up somehow makes him less of the child’s Dad?? I would either give her both or combine them - you’re both her parents. I have friends who were Goode and Smith and used Goodsmith.
Alternatively use one of the surnames as a midddle name.

@Oaktree1952
If a man can't commit to marriage, how can them be trusted to stay committed to a child?

I'm sorry but that is ridiculous. If a guy doesn't want to commit to a marriage, it shouldn't reflect their commitment to their own flesh and blood.

Always the mother's name, no question. Unless...

So, not "always" or "without question" then 😂😂

@Thurlow I am with you on this one! Literally couldn't care less that my DD doesn't have my last name! Find it odd that so many people feel so passionately about it.

My son has my partners name I prefer my partners surname than mine & at the time we planned on getting married! However forward on a number of years we have not got married as yet but are still together & hopefully one day will..

My LO has same surname as her dad, but we are getting married in July. Even if we wasn't getting married she would have the same surname as her Dad

We are in the same situation and are going to double barrell. It’s a bit long so it’s not ideal but we think it’s the fairest thing to do.

My DS has his dad's surname and my surname as a middle name. I split up with his dad when he was just over a year so Its been a bit of a headache tbh. Wish I would of just given him my surname.

We discussed it and neither of us minded, so it wasn't an argument really. I decided I preferred the sound of his surname with both boys and girls first names we like, so we're going with that. Plus, we'd like to get married one day and I'd choose to change my name to his then, so we'd then all have the same family name. I'm not hugely attached to my name though and I think it's nice that people have the choice and (hopefully) aren't judged either way anymore.

We are married but I kept my name, and we have DS my surname. He has DH's in there as a middle name. DH was not fussed in the slightest, acknowledging that I would be his primary carer (he's adopted so we did a lot of work on this) a d it would be easier for him to have the same surname as me.

He was equally as unfussed when I decided not to change my surname when we married - and actually suggested himself that he took my name. But he decided against that when I pointed out his first DS (my DSS) had his surname; and since his mum had married someone, he wouldn't have the same name as either of his parents.

Always the mother's name, no question. Unless it is the mother who is stopping getting married then double barrel the names. If a man can't commit to marriage, how can them be trusted to stay committed to a child?

My son has my fiancé's surname. We'll get married when we can afford it and I'll take his surname. Can't wait, I hate my surname 😏if I couldn't trust him to not be a twat if we did split, I wouldn't have had a baby with him.

Double barrel without hyphens.

Makes international travel easier if you aren't married and/or you keep your own name.

They can do what they want with their surnames when they're 18 themselves...

Mine,

not together but he is involved.

But key thing - not married....not together - if in the future i re-marry i will double-barrel my name....! so i always have the same name as my child/DH

Just easier all round - if the name causes issues for the guy then sorry but he needs to get over it...and you have bigger problems!

DH and I have two daughters. Dd1 has my surname and DD2 has my husband's. It has never caused confusion.

We double barrelled

I was in a similar situation to you OP - we double barrelled. DS hisname-myname. We both equally dislike it (the names don't naturally flow) we actually plan to make up a whole new surname when we marry later this year. Then we'll all have the same brand new name (assuming we ever agree on one).
So I'd vote either double barrel or your name. Not his! Never his!