Walking into a surname disaster?

Unless you're getting married give the baby your surname please.

Is marriage something you want? I'm echoing previous posters, you won't want to hear it now and think it won't be you, but a lot of relationships don't work out and a lot of men don't stay involved. I'd always want my child to have whatever name was mine, because I know I'll always be in their life every day of the year, not every other weekend.

If you get married you can then all have a family name.

So will your potential DD have his mother's name then, first and surname? I understand wanting to reflect his heritage, and honouring dead relatives is nice too but it's OK for your daughter to have her own name. I would give her your surname tbh, particularly if he is choosing the first name.

intending to stay in the U.K.

Note to self, remember to proofread!

If you are interested sing to stay in the IK then I think you need to consider your child as well.

My stance would be that it's either the O'xxx version or they take my name. He has to compromise somewhere.

To be honest, his attitude doesn't really bode very well for the two of you having a lasting, happy, mutually respectful relationship.

Which is all the more reason for your child to have your surname and not his.

You can always change the name later on if you get married and he stops being a twat.

DP has a stronger will than I do though dammit!

That doesn't bode well - what happens when he 'insists' on having the final say about everything? Where you live? What school he/she goes to? How the discipline them? If you don't stand up for what you want now (and I'm talking compromise not dictatorship from either side) then you're setting a dangerous president for parenthood.
No tricks, no 'I gave birth so I get to..' just tell him you want an equal say in the name and mean it . That if he can veto certain names you can too. I think you've been very accommodating with his surname but to not get any say in first, middle or surname? Sod that.

I would think passport control are used to this so I wouldn't worry about travel. But It's not unusual for girls in Ireland to take the O' instead of Ni.
It's really just down to how much you mind about the sounding if the name. I do think you should get some input and he can't just decide on only one name that is acceptable.

Tell him you’ve changed your mind entirely and baby will be called Georgiana Victoria Yourname-O’ whatever.

Holiday is right. The baby is as much part of your heritage as she is his.

Does he have the Ó name, op?

Or is he doing that thing that a lot of us Irish people do that as soon as you leave these shores, you become 10000% more Irish, and he feels he needs to reflect that?

I’m speaking from experience- it is a complete pain in the arse using the whole Ó/Uí/Ní thing. I only agreed to it because DH uses that convention and he is a gaelgoir who doesn’t use the anglicisation himself.

DP has a stronger will than I do though dammit!

Man up!

Even your compromises, which he won’t agree to-are basically him still getting what he wants. He isn’t compromising at all-he is bullying you into this by telling you that he’s more stubborn than you.

Is his surname common over here? Are there a bazillion of us Irish with that name? (Speaking as an O’Riordan😂)

Sorry, but he sounds incredibly selfish. He wants to choose the first name, middle name and last name. what do you get to pick? Please don’t let him walk all over you. If you give in on this, any subsequent children will all ‘have’ to have his surname as the first one has and you need to all have the same (oh, except you, the one who actually carried them!).

I would say that unless he married me (I wanted to marry first) the child would have the same surname as me and that’s that.

What PP said - if he is an Irish speaker (with an ó surname as opposed to O’) then yea maybe I see his point. But if he isn’t then no way. It’s not at all the norm for English speakers here with O’ surnames.

"BUT I don't want to saddle my half English daughter with having to explain every single aspect of her name to people!!"
Then don't. You can register her by yourself if he's going to be an arse.

Why does it matter that his surname 'dies' out? Married name-changing women seem to cope, why can't men?

Minimoon have you read my post? Just to reinforce the point, if he's not doing it for his own surname, then he's actually plain wrong. Don't back down on this!

DP has a stronger will than I do though dammit!

Bollocks OP.

You're not married, so if you go and register your child without him, he won't even be on the birth certificate, you can name your child whatever the hell you like, and he'll have no rights at all.

Oh, bollocks to the Celtic Twilight.

Give them your name. If you like his grey haired old mother's name then use it- otherwise have it as a second name. If you insist on letting him use his last name then use it. No Os or Nics-Irish people who actually live in Ireland don't do this much any more.

We had this problem!

DH has a Irish surname- think Ó Súilleabháin.

I have a short surname, double barrelled on marriage and became eg Boyd-Uí Shúilleabháin. Day to day though, I go by Boyd-Sullivan.

I insisted on double barrelling DD’s name, and dh also refused to use the anglicisation of his surname, so the poor mite is Boyd-Ní Shúilleabháin.

It is a bollocks to be honest- we live in NI and we still get a lot of very confused looks. I’m glad DD’s heritage is reflected in her name, but it is a very unusual naming convention outside of the 26 counties.