Walking into a surname disaster?

Everyone on the posts about 'shall I give the baby my or dp surname' always says it's easy to change to married surname at a later date, much harder if you're lumbered with dp surname for baby and you split up.

I would also say I've lived in Ireland 14 years and I've never actually come across anyone called ni or nic anything! I think it must be confined to Irish speakers.

It won't cause issues. The slight changes in surname for different sexes are common in many cultures.

Your daughter needs to have one of her parents surnames its as simple as that for her sake

Its yours or the Oxxxx

If you aren't married why are you giving any DC his last name?

Maybe he should change his last name to yours?

As he has chosen the first name I'd use your surname since you're not married. If he wants any say in surname then he should get married. Also isn't it Ni not Nic?

If he's Ó then baby should be Ní. It's only if he's Mac that it changes to Nic. Just so that she doesn't have something nobody has in Ireland either...

Surely you're not trying to tell us that this man, for all his insistence on doing everything "the Irish way", doesn't actually speak Irish properly himself, Apile?

Well I never...

I think one parent one name is fair. So if he get the surname you get the first name and if you use your surname he gets to chose the first name.

Either way surely a child takes its fathers surname

Have we travelled back 100 years this morning?

Just to repeat OP that it's very common even in Ireland for all family members to have the anglecised O' than Ó/Nic/Ní etc. Especially so among English speakers and you shouldn't feel bad if you want all your children to have the same name. I admit I would assume someone could speak Irish at least reasonably well if they had the Irish version. It's quite common for people with certain professions in Ireland to change to the Irish spelling later on, primary school teachers for example. But this is because they are expected to have good level of Irish fluency!

Likes all his own way, doesn't he?
I think it's a crock of shit that he only likes his dead mother's name.
Time to remember that your child will be born in England, raised there and has an English mother, whose culture is equally important. Locate your spine OP aad start asserting your own views.

To answer your question though, I gave ds1 my name because dh and I weren't married at the time of his birth and it was really easy to change it when we did get hitched.
He has a new birth certificate and it's as if the first one never existed.

I would say that it's all very well being traditional, but tradition generally includes being married before having dc. He cherry picks a fair bit, seemingly. But actually, you are probably better off not being married to someone who isn't recognising your involvement at all.

But if OP is already thinking about future children. I'd have thought that level of commitment would lend itself to getting married at some point.

No. No it doesn't.

See any of the gazillion threads here on Mumsnet posted by women who were strung along by a man who made vague noises about marrying them at some point, who had several children with him, gave up work or scaled back their careers to take care of the children and then were left with no money and no rights when he buggered off after a few years (or decades, in some cases).

The OP has grown this baby, she will give birth to it, and she will be responsible for it for at least the next 18 years, whether the father sticks around or not. The baby should share her name. If the father actually puts his money where his mouth is and marry her, she can change her name and the baby's to match his if she wants to.

"What will yours become when you marry him? That's the surname all tour children should have too."
Bollocks.

Chocolate I'm thinking of having a beach holiday with Tom Hardy but a commitment it does not make.

Things change, people change and relationships definitely change when the hand grenade of a baby arrives. This man doesn't seem too ameanable to compromise, it's a big thing when it comes to raising a child together.

If he's Ó then baby should be Ní. It's only if he's Mac that it changes to Nic. Just so that she doesn't have something nobody has in Ireland either...

But if OP is already thinking about future children. I'd have thought that level of commitment would lend itself to getting married at some point. Either way surely a child takes its fathers surname. Some of my kids on register have double barrelled surnames. Would that be an option?

But only if and when she actually marries him.

There should be no question about surname. What will yours become when you marry him? That's the surname all tour children should have too.

You can easily change your child's name by deed poll later on. It's not difficult to do at all.

If you would like to get married at some point then I would stand firm on this. Otherwise he's just getting everything he wants and you're not being taken into consideration at all.

Seriously, if he strings you along for five or ten or twenty years and then does the dirty on you, you will really regret giving your child his surname.

Get some legal advice as well about how to protect yourself financially as an unmarried partner. There are many, many threads on this.

And you can be a family unit without marriage

And you can be married and keep your name and your children keep your name. You don't have to give in on this.

Do you have a ring on your finger and a date with the vicar? A proposal? Right now you aren't his family, he hasn't asked you to be his family, your a girlfriend who will be the mother of his child, but you can be parted from the picture quite simply. That leaves your child and him on one side of the fence with a shared name and you on your own.

Until you are a family unit, you need to represent your own interests. Is be getting sentimental about you wanting to have some say in things? Nope.

Don't be steamrollered. OP

And someone saying that you can give the baby your name in such a way as to make you say that it wouldn't make for harmony is not giving you a choice at all.

Cross post OP. I think you are very understanding and caring to your partners wishes-just please remember that this child should also reflect you, it’s a 50/50 thing.

I understand giving your children your partners surname as I have done this too (we are getting married though) however, I’m sorry, he is dictating the first, middle and last name with no compromise? Bugger that. Don’t wait until you’re in the throws of labour to discuss it as you may be exhausted and therefore feeling weaker and more likely to be bullied into something you really don’t want. Stand firm OP. You either get to choose the surname or the first name. End of. I think using his dead family to ultimately get what he wants is a bit emotionally manipulative.