Walking into a surname disaster?

Personally, I think your DP has a cheek insisting on any variation of his name. If it's so important to him he should marry you. Sorry, I know that may sound harsh but, for me, if you are not married, the baby has its mother's surname.

Plenty of people in Britain have first names and surnames from their parents home countries that are not straightforward to pronounce to native English speakers, but people learn. That being said, if it's not what you want for your child it's entirely your decision and you shouldn't be bullied into it. Out of interest, is his mum's forename a common Irish name (like a Niamh or an Orlagh) or a potentially trickier one?

Me and DP are not married and I allowed ds to have DPs surname. I really regret it!

@LoveInTokyo DH and i both double barreled , our child will have the same, a penis does not equal privilege in our house 😁

I have a lot of Irish family, a lot of whom are O'xxx all genders have that variation, most of them live in Ireland

Parity?

No, let's have all men taking their wives' names on marriage and all children taking their mother's name for the next thousand years, and then we can discuss parity.

It would be great Catherine, wouldn't it? It's within our means after all.

Personally, I couldn't be doing with a man who didn't see me as equal. And, let's face it - we are only talking about parity here.

I love that awrite and would love it to become the norm. I suggested it to my niece and her husband looked horrified 🙄

Ooo quinions I didn't know that tradition!

Well, in our family, dd has my name and ds has dh's. I would say dd is more attached to her name and is adamant she won't be changing it if she ever marries.

I'd like more women to put themselves first when naming their children. I guess they capitulate when at their most vulnerable and then regret it for years (yes, not every woman but enough).

Ní is pronounced like knee.

You can flip between an Irish name and English equivalent- I have my Irish name on my bank account and passport, but use the English day-to-day because it’s a pain in the arse to explain.

If your daughter gets married and takes on her spouses surname then the Ni will become completely pointless.

This isn't going to end well, I'm afraid. He is selfish and a bully, and you are giving way to him.
The child takes his mother's name unless she is married. Although why you would want to marry such a man I don't know. He clearly doesn't deserve you.

Well this has been an education.
Is it ever possible to have two names, an Irish one and an English one?
I know women who use their maiden name for work but go by Mrs x otherwise.
Also how do you pronounce Ni ?

“It would also be more “traditionally Irish” to offer to marry the mother of your dc, has your dp not thought of that?”

Agree with others that if marriage is something you want, until a ring is on your finger, the baby should really have your name. But if you WANT it to have his surname that's obviously your choice, and he is very lucky.

As regards the rest - you're the one growing it and giving birth, and as others have said will raise it if you ever split. Why on earth should he dictate the entire name?! It has to be a mutual thing, that's part of the pleasure of planning for a baby!
Also, you're living in England and the child will be half English, why would it have the full works Irish name (potentially harder to live with in England), and why does his heritage trump yours? Frankly if your DP suddenly feels so strongly about this he should have a baby in Ireland where it is the norm (though others seem to suggest it's hardly a rule) and found a woman who wanted the same thing.

In an unmarried couple, the mother is legally entitled to name the baby without the father present, whereas the father cannot register a birth alone, so don't allow yourself to be bullied on this. You've already been very thoughtful, and If he loves you he'll WANT you to be happy with the name of your own baby! Congratulations by the way :)

Sorry to open another can of worms, but what about the first name? Strictly, according to the Irish naming convention, the first son would be named after his paternal grandfather, i.e. DP's father, and the first daughter after her maternal grandmother, i.e. your mother.

Thanks miggledy!

If it helps, I took dh Irish surname and so did kids. They all have English first names, but some are English versions of Irish names of his family members.

Bring the dc up to relate to their dual heritage through regular visits to Ireland. That is far more “real” than a set of names that will cause inconvenience and ignores the wishes of one half of their heritage.
It would also be more “traditionally Irish” to offer to marry the mother of your dc, has your dp not thought of that?

Why would anyone want to marry such a stubborn bully?

Your own name until you’re married. That will focus his mind and not just on the name.

Or do like Dawn Porter who became Dawn O'Porter and then you and your children can be
O'YYY

Sean óg 😍😍😍😍

For Gods sake don't give away all your bargaining power.

Your surname name and he isn't on the birth certificate until you are married.

And head over to the current thread on protecting yourself by getting married.