Hi all -- my DH is exhausted discussing this and I need another outlet!
When my DD (who is now a toddler!!!!) was born, we had no name for her -- I stupidly thought one would "come" to me, but it devolved into weeks of hell in not being able to decide, compounded by my DH and I having different naming styles and the HUGE mistake of exploring our ideas with family, who just picked apart every name. We still had no name on the way to the registry office, and I picked one out of the blue that my sister had suggested, not even on the list!
I wasn't sure about it still, and agonised and refused to announce the name (she was now six weeks) and I felt like an utter fool. My DH said I could pick whatever name I wanted by that point, he just wanted me to be happy. I read every thread on the old name (really a very boring name, one you all have heard of) and was worried because a few people said it was "old lady and not in a nice way" and I have an old lady name and hate it. Also, my DH and I pronounce it slightly differently based on our different accents so that was kind of annoying.
So I changed it to another name on the birth certificate just to try to fix everything and I have felt awful about it ever since. I feel like I changed her. I feel like I ruined her birth certificate (old name still appears at the top). I feel like I was stupid in letting random people put me off the name, especially when a lot of people liked it. And when people online do say something bad about the name, it really smarts. One person the other day said this used to be their name and they changed it by deed poll because of a playground taunt that arose from it sending me into fresh bouts of regret!
And worse yet, the name I ended up giving her was a family name, which was great in a way, but the person was so so happy to be honoured that when I realised, shit, I never should've changed it, I was too much of a coward (or too concerned about another person's feelings is a nicer way to put it) to revert to the old name. Now I realise this was dumb and the person would've been disappointed but it would have been fine once I explained.
I don't even know what I'm asking. It's not so much that I prefer the old name to the new name! I mean, some days I do, but I guess I like both! (A thread I started comparing the two names came up pretty evenly.) And the old name is her middle name now. I just dread every day telling her when she gets older, and I just hate myself for not being a better person when she was born and sticking with the decision. Nobody I talk to seems to understand how much this gets me down.
I used to think this was PPD but she is now two! I still think about it every day! Maybe it's OCD? I don't know, but deep down inside I still feel like she doesn't really have a name :(. I've done some therapy about this that helped me sort out some of my feelings (she is going to be my only child, I loathe my own first name, I really fear hurting other people's feelings, I am a people-pleaser) but it hasn't helped the bad feelings about the whole thing go away.
I know it's such a little thing -- she is so wonderful, sweet, smiling, and everyone says she suits the name. The name gets lots of compliments on mumsnet (though I suppose it is a bit marmite given some reactions) and it's a name I used to use for myself at Starbucks, etc. so I must have liked it at some point. But what happens when I have to tell her and she might prefer the other name and thinks I'm an idiot??? (Ok, dramatic, but gives an image of what is going on constantly in my head.)
DH liked both names, and thinks it's nice to have honoured a family member. He thinks she won't mind if we don't make a big deal of it, and if she really cares she can switch herself as it's her middle name. This is so reasonable of him but for some reason I can't make myself believe it.
Please don't be harsh -- but if anyone has had a similar experience or advice about baby name guilt, I'd love to hear it!