Due within a few weeks of both SILs....name etiquette?

I was due a week before DP's SIL. She found out she was having a girl, we kept it a surprise. We had a name we'd picked out for a girl years ago, and just dropped it into conversation, though that conversation revealed we had quite different name tastes anyway! She had her baby first (6 days between the two of them!) didn't use our name, and we didn't have a girl anyway. But we still have "our" name!

If it's that important to you, discuss it with them. Even if you just keep the names between the three of you and save the big reveal for everybody else.

One of my best friend and I were pregnant at the same time. We had 10days between us. While I found out I was having a boy she didn't find out. I had my heart set on Isaac and since finding out he was Isaac, he was no longer "baby" anyway my friend never said a word until her son arrived and he was unnamed for a week because she didn't want to "steal" my name. Told her it was silly. Isaac is a beautiful name and I had no issues he son being an Isaac. So yes it can happen but I wasn't offended by it. There's lots of kids these days with same name, DD is called Eden, she has 3 cousins and a step sister called Eden too.

I was in this situation with my SIL.

1. I refused point blank to discuss names with her. That way, if she did pick the name I wanted, it would be a horrible coincidence but I'd know it wasn't on purpose so I wouldn't harbour any resentment

1. I was due to give birth after. I decided that if she got in first and happened to pick the same name, so be it. She gives birth first. I'd just have to suck it up, as the babies were too closely related to use the same name.

Thankfully she picked a totally different name - which is good as I didn't have a back up!

In all honesty, you'd be very unlucky if she did pick the name you want.

I have the same name as my cousin. None of us are fussed about it.

I had this situation with my sister but we didn't want to say the names before the babies were here in case relatives gave too many opinions! We told each other the first initial so we knew we had picked different names from each other.

If it plays on your mind so much I'd say talk and yes do have back up names just in case.

I think if you're not even half way through the pregnancy you should let it lie. If you really are convinced on the name, just refer to the bump as that name. No need to make an announcement re. We will use your baby's name if it happens to be the same as our chosen one. Waaaay too dramatic and entitled.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was discussing names with my family. My sister said one of the names I liked, she really liked and wanted it for when she had children (she was single at the time). I wasn't really wedded to the name and didn't use it.

My sister later got married and they decided not to have children. I then used the name for our next pet, see it came in handy in the end LOL.

The scan/babygro idea is genius !!

I'd say the opposite to some other posters really and definitely not being the subject up! If they pick the same name then, you will know it is by chance/coincidence. If you share your first choice and they are planning the same it can only cause awkwardness if they use it. You'd be forever wondering whether they had already liked it or had nicked the idea!

I think you're overthinking. However, if the name you like is very popular, I would have a second favourite name. I wouldn't personally use the same name as one of your SiLs.

I wouldn't go with the name if they take it first, too confusing and there are hundreds of beautiful names.
I also wouldn't tell them what it is, they probably won't choose it anyway and what if it's one they hadn't thought of, you put it in their mind and they love it?
I'd work on finding an acceptable backup name.

I would ask them if they have thought of a name. If you say "We're going to call him George/her Olivia" they will almost certainly use that name.
If they use the name and you use the name too, it will be you who look silly.
I had two relatives give the same fairly unusual name to their daughters within months of each other, and the girls ended up in the same year at the same school. They were the only ones with the name.

I was worried about this with our NCT group. Thankfully all babies ended up with different names (and our DD was born first so no idea if any of them had her name in mind). However, friends of ours had twins two months before DD was born and they used our boys name. DH said I wasn't allowed to be annoyed because we hadn't discussed it and we were having a girl -but I was still annoyed-.

*solves. Anyhow, I really believe that no one owns a name. I wouldn’t worry too much.

You could talk with them about the possibility of you choosing the same name..? But I wouldn’t mention ‘your’name, tbh.

It seems to cause more issues than it solves any.

I always find it a bit weird when people.say it wouldn't matter having the same name. Unless it was an important name to me, like a family tradition, or named after a relation theres no way I'd call my child by their cousins name? And I'd find it very odd if my sibling called their child the name my DC had, very confusing and unnecessary for everyone given there are thousands of other names.

If you are deadset on a name and don't want them to "pick" it all you can do is have a conversation and say X is our boys name, and see if thats a name anyone else has in mind. A friend of mine has a DC called a fairly common name like "Jack" and a year later another of our close friends (at the same school) called her son Jack. Was quite bizzare and a bit confusing let alone in the same family.

@pinkyredrose I don't mean they'd HAVE to rule it out. But most people have a list of potential names during pregnancy (rather than 'The One') and if someone I knew was using one of them, I'd take it off the list. If they've picked a name and settled on it and it happens to be the same as the OPs name, that's a different matter and it would be up to them whether to stick with it or change it - each to their own on that one.

I was due close to a friend who we see often enough that this was a consideration. We had a name and a back up, which we’d have used if they’d used our name. Interestingly discussed it with them after the babies arrived and they’d decided they’d stick to their name whatever we did.

I think you are overthinking. My DSIL gave birth 4 weeks before me with DC2. It was her DC1 and they were the same sex. They did pick our name. DH and I had a few swear words and went back to the drawing board.

If it bothers you that much, sneak off now for a private sexing scan then buy a onesie with your DC's name on and post a pic of it on FB. "It's a boy! Can't wait to meet you Baby David!". Or whatever name you have planned.

Drop it into conversation now so they can rule it out

Why? Why would they be expected to drop a name they may have set thier heart on just because OP loves it too? I've honestly never understand this. OP you can still use the name if someone close to you uses it too.

It doesn’t matter if they use a name you like, you can still give the same name to your baby. We have several ‘family ‘ names which are used by more than one baby and it hasn’t caused any problems - each new baby is an individual regardless of their name.

It's a tough one! DH's cousin was due to have a baby boy two days before me, and I was so nervous they would choose 'our' name, as I think we have pretty similar taste. In the end we just decided that whatever happened, we would still use it. (It turned out not to be an issue - they chose something I would never have predicted!)

I guess it depends what kind of relationship you all have.

Can you say something like 'have you guys thought much about names yet?' And then drop in something like 'I think we're 95% decided'. If they say they've chosen, you can always turn it into a joke and say something like 'shall we tell each other what letter it begins with to make sure we haven't chosen the same name?'