Naming a child's middle name after deceased relative

Oh and his name was Peter. It's a lovely name and we're so glad we used it to honour him in the couple of years he was alive and now in his death

We gave DS1 DHs father's name as a middle name who was very much alive and kicking at the time of DS's birth. Sadly he had died by the time DS was 2.5 from a very sudden and shocking illness. We're so glad he got to meet DS and know that he was named after him. You never know how long people are around for and to name someone after someone that is alive is a lovely thing to do as they get to actually know about it. It does not detract from your daughter's name at all!!

DS1 has my (very much alive) dad's name as a middle name, DD is named after my late MIL, my now late Mum although she wasn’t at the time, and my late Grannie. DS2 middle names are for my late FIL, and my best friend who died when I was carrying him. I think your point is quite unfair to your DH.

I think Peter is lovely, and your FIL would be honoured.
Let your DH name the baby after his Father, well, the middle name. 😀

What about using your mil name or a variant if you don't like Peter. Then it's evened out by a name from each set of grandparents.

Yes, you are absolutely bu. You had a middle name honouring one of your family, it's only fair that your dh should have the same. His dad won't live forever!

Translate Peter to another language if you really don't like it. Pedro, Peadar, Petr, Pietro...

I agree you're overthinking.

My eldest has a middle name directly honouring an opposite sex family member - like OP we had to do some jiggling but everyone knows that's why his middle name is that.

DC2 then has two middle names: one is DF's name (very much alive) and one is GFIL who had died only a few days before DC2 was born.

With DC3's name we then honoured the last two quarters of the children's heritage by using FIL's name and a name that's in every generation of my mother's family.

We have honoured those living and dead, directly and indirectly. Each child's name doesn't affect any of the others' - though DC1 sometimes grumps about not having two middle names.

I think naming after a living grandparent is a lovely thing to do (obviously, as I've done it twice). I would only avoid doing so if I thought the name was objectively unusable e.g. Adolf, or if I really disliked the person.

YABU- I don't understand your logic at all

Between them my children have six names and four are those of dead relatives. One is for a living relative and one we just liked. The relatives are (to them) two great grandparents, a great uncle, a second cousin and a great aunt.

Everyone in our family has appreciated the meaning behind what we've done and no one on either side has minded how equal things are. I think YABU unreasonable not of include your FiL because he is still alive.

Sounds fair enough of your dh tbh. Both grand parents get remembered (they'll both be dead eventually!)

My mum's sister died in a tragic car accident jist before i was born, so my middle name is her name. It's something that has always been very special in my family for a much loved and missed family member who is no longer with us.

I think it's a lovley way to keep that person's memory alive

we have used a name from each of our dcs 4 grandparents in some way in our dcs names.

3 of those people are still alive
One is dead.
We have also used a name that is linked to both my Grannies.

Honouring people can be done if they are dead or alive.
As you used a version of David that sn't the actual name, you coudl do the same for Peter, search for variations of Peter in other languages etc.

Yanbu
I've done the same
Ds has my brothers name as his middle name
My brother died age 17 in a car accident on the day I found out I was pregnant with ds
When dd was born I couldn't give her a middle name
I get exactly where you are coming from

Not sure what being alive or dead has to do with it. I think it is lovely to pass on names of beloved family members to the new generation. My DS' second name is his granddad's/ my FIL's (alive) and also my grandfather's (dead) so has a double significance. My DD's second name is after my grandma (dead). I like that fact they both have middle names of their great grandparents and the fact my FIL shares one of those names is even better. The fact that he is alive means he is totally chuffed about it and maybe it even had some impact on forming the fantastic bond between him and my DS.

YABU.

yabu. we have 3 dds, one each named for our sisters(lucky to only have 1 each!) bonus baby middle name after eldest neice. all alive.

If you don't like the name don't use it , I assume your dh liked the name your dd was given . My ds is has his deceased grandads name as a middle name and it never crossed our minds that we would have to 'even' it up with the second child , which we didn't . Peter is one of my dogs middle names but it goes ok with his other names .

Yabu, how lovely your DH wants to use his dad's name for your son.
You're not being fair.
In no way does it devalue the name you gave to your daughter

Don’t follow your logic at all. It won’t detract from anything, it just means both your children will have links to their grandfathers. Just because some isn’t dead yet, doesn’t mean they are not as important.

YABU I'm afraid.

I don’t think it would detract at all.

Although I don’t think YABU to say no if you really don’t like it, but then you could say ok if you get to pick the first name or another middle name for example.

What about two middle names - David and Peter? Would that work for you?

I have two children who have middle names after deceased loved ones - my dad and DHs great-nanny. They actually flow very nicely so it works well.

We are pregnant again, we don't know the gender. We will either use a random middle name or won't bother at all.

I wouldn't name a child after someone alive, purely because my other two have a name in memory of someone.

It is not harsh on other relatives either, he's his closest male relative after his dad and it fits the pattern of your dd's name. It's perfect. I'd be upset if I were your dh or Fil tbh!