Avoiding common shortenings

It's a shame op because I love the name Tobias. As for Toby.....nope not keen either.

For sure he will be called Toby.

You can try and control your family but you can't control what other kids choose to call your son, and it will Toby.

A school friend's mum made the same mistake with Rebecca - she hated the name Becky - and yet Becky is who Rebecca became.

So choose something else.

Pick a one or two syllable name so it can't be shortened. Unfortunately, if they can't shorten it they may lengthening it with an E. Something short like Ian, Pierce or Eric haven't got much room for change because they can't really be shortened or lengthened without sounding ridiculous IYKWIM. Just beware if they can't shoren or lengthen it, they might come up with a nn instead.

If you hate Toby then don't do it, in the long run your opinion is irrelevant as he can & will decide whether he wants to be known by whatever version he likes, you simply can't control that

Tobias ist really common in the part of Germany I live in and they all get Tobi (which sounds exactly like Toby to my ear) from friends (though mostly adults don't shorten colleagues or acquaintances names unless introduced by the short form).

I struggle to stop myself shortening Tobias to Tobi for Tobias es I don't know well because it seems an incredibly formal name to me and my brain wants to turn it into something more friendly, but that's probably my ideosyncracy

"Do you think a Tobias could avoid being called Toby by the majority of people? "

Well, he could if he wanted to. But once he can talk it's none of your business!

To me the Tob in Tobias sounds different to the Tob in Toby so I don't know if people would go straight to Toby. It may well get shortened but maybe to Tobe by his mates rather than Toby. I know a couple of Harrisons who have never been called Harry because that isn't their names but do get Har or H

You can't. Simple.

I have a Samuel. He's now 9 and a firm Sam to everyone but me. To be he will always be Samuel. He prefers Sam and tells me off for calling him Samuel.

You can obviously try to insist that it's Tobias but people inevitably shorten. Also most kids I have known, once they get to teens, if not before, seem to only want to be called by the shortened version of their name.

Tobias and Toby are nice imo.

The Tobias on Arrested Development was always Tobias.

But it's also not the greatest association.

LMFAO at pong name.

You and immediate family sticking to Tobias will mean most extended family probably will too. That was the case for me (my name is extremely commonly shortened).

At school he could end up as Toby (or basically any nickname, whether related to the name Tobias or not), but who cares about what his school friends call him? Will you be talking to them about him a lot?

So my parents have always called me by my full name. As does my entire extended family. But to my friends, OH, colleagues, etc. I go by the shortening. I don't expect it bothers my parents much as they rarely talk to any of those people (only exception being my OH). To each other and all my siblings, in other words in a family setting, which is 99% of the time, I am [full name].

I agree with Evelyn. You can constantly correct people if they shorten the name of your baby. When your child starts school (if not before) they can and will decide how they want to be addressed. You can't control that.

My mum gave me a long name and hated the common shortening. (Not my name but will use Abigail) ‘you’ll never be an Abbie!’ Well she still can’t get used to me being a (not) Abbie!

But that’s the risk you run in choosing a name with a shortened version that you dislike.

My two girls have names that don’t have a generally accepted short version as they are short enough as they are but my son does have a long version and a short version we use and love.

Make sure you like the nickname!

You can't guarantee it. It works for some - in our family, Lucinda's parents started to call her Lucy before she went to school, to avoid her becoming Cindy. It worked. However, Alexander's mum and dad call him Zander to this day, but everyone else in the world has called him Alex since he left home. For others, there is a complicated list of identities depending on how they know the person: Catherine is Kate at work, Katie socially, but Cathy to people she's known since childhood, which is confusing whenever the different groups mingle.

You can only hope to control nick names and shortenings when your child is with you all day every day. The more independent your child becomes, the less it is your right and the more it is their business not yours what people call them. I'm not even talking about teens but 5 and 6 year olds.

By 8 your son's friends will call him by either a shortening or a version of his surname or another nick name and as long as he's happy with it you'd be a sitcom cliché on a hiding to nothing trying to insist anyone call him by his full name.

My ds1 has a 4 letter name but he still gets called by a nickname by his friends - luckily he likes it and it bothers me not at all.

I think you can only avoid an obvious nickname if you use a different one.

Eg if you like Elizabeth but hate Lizzy, use Beth often enough that it sticks.

Friends will seek a nickname. That's how British people operate. Don't leave a vacuum to be filled.

*long, not pong! 😂

I have a pong name that is most commonly shortened to a couple of different nicknames. Both of which my Mum never liked so throughout primary school nobody ever called me the shortened versions but once I got to secondary school it did get shortened automatically by teacher/ friends. I was never overly bothered but now I'm older I prefer my full name so nobody calls me different these days. So what I'm trying to say is he can definitely be a Tobias over Toby, although there may be times when it will be Toby and I suppose then it will be his choice whether to correct or not.

I would avoid it if you hate Toby.

I know some adults who go by their full name, e.g. they're always Thomas and never Tom.
But I also know adults (including several relatives) who have chosen to go by the short form of their name despite their parent's vocal dislike of the short form of the name.

Of course. I know plenty of Matthews and Stephens who aren't Matt or Steve, for example. What I would be prepared for his for him to choose different versions at different stages of his life. You need to remember that it will be his name, not yours, and you can't control what he chooses to be known as.

I once taught a child with a similar name - as in a name with a common shortening. Think Alexandra shortening to Alex (name changed though obviously).

The parents HATED her being called Alex, but the child loved it and Alex was the name she chose...so that was that. If you don't want to be caught in that situation you need to choose something else.

People will shorten it, it will annoy you. Will it annoy you if he decides to shorten it?! That's the biggy!

I have an Isaac who we called Zac a lot as a baby. As he's gone through nursery and started school he's very much an Isaac, he's not yet 6 but has very much made up his own mind!

Not possible. He's his own person, not a doll - he may well choose to be called Toby himself, and you'd be stuck with it.

I know a Tobias and he goes by Tobias. I think Toby is avoidable so long as you reinforce it.