I hate DH's names....

You need to both be happy with the chosen names, so stand your ground if you know you would regret it.

He needs to be more democratic here and less presumptuous and dictatorial.

Keep going until you come up with names that you can both accept. Reinforce to him that it is a big decision, and not one you want to risk either of you having regrets over, as that could well cause resentment.

Are there any reasons that you know of why he seems so invested in those particular names?

If your child is going to be raised in the UK they should at least have a name that they're not going to have to spell out every time. Stand your ground OP. This is just the first of many decisions that your DH and his family will try to pressure you into seeing things their way.

I really like Yusuf, so I agree that you should say father chooses the boy's name, mother the girl's name.

Most of the Khadijahs I have met are from Pakistani origin, I've only met one who was Arabic (the one I sat next to!). Perhaps it's a more common name in Pakistan / Pakistani communities than in other Islamic countries / communities?

I know a few little Yusufs so to be fair I don't think it's that old fashioned. I've never come across a Khadijah though, and I teach in a Muslim country.

Names that seem to be used regularly where I am include Saif, Abdullah, Omar/Omeir. I love Saif, it's such a cool name. There are several little girls I know of who have been born recently named Luluah, which I think is beautiful, and I know a few Alias.

Can you ask your husband to write a list of names he likes, and then you do the same and look for crossover? Or each go through a list (e.g. One you found online) and highlight ones you love in one colour and ones you like in another - then look for similarities?

Btw, I like Yusuf but I can't stand Khadijah! No offense to all the perfectly lovely Khadijah's out there, but I was in class with a Khadijah who I really didn't like when I was 12. We always got paired together for stuff because of surnames and spent the whole year sniping at each other. Whenever I hear that name I always think of THAT Khadijah!

@pinkspeckle How long before you have to um, make the final decision, as it were? I would be tempted to let it lie for a little bit (if you can!) and let your name ideas settle in his mind a bit. He might be a bit set on 'his' names at the moment, but yours might start to appeal if he's left to think about them by himself!

BTW, DP and I are also facing this situation for forthcoming twins (DDs). We both want something which 'works' with both cultures. So far we've come up with Lina, Sara, Yasmine/Jasmine, Luma and Aliya. I'm not so keen on Sara (his fave) and he doesn't like Luma (my fave!).

Tell him that you've told your parents that you're going to use the names that you really like and they too are really excited and pleased at what you've chosen. If he protests and says that it will upset his parents then point out that he is happy to upset your parents so you need to compromise and upset all parents and jettison all the names that parents have been told. (Maybe tell your parents your second best names so your favourite ones are still available!).

When you next talk to his parents make sure you mention about how difficult it is to find names and that you are both still looking for the right one; that you both have favourites but that the other person doesn't like them so they are all out and you are back to the beginning of the hunt again. If they mention the names your dh likes, explain that although they were your dh's choices, as you don't like them (invoke past boyfriends/bully at school etc to explain why you will never have those names) they are not on the joint shortlist. Ask if they have any ideas for other names that fit your joint heritage criteria and distract them from your dh's choices.

Might be worth considering having a middle name even though you are double barrelling the surname. Less risk the middle name gets pushed into being a middle name rather than a surname for one and a chance for both sides to be represented in the name.

And on a practical note, if there's any danger that your dh would register the names without you to get his way, keep a close hold on the form they give you to take to register the births!

I have read tons of threads on here where men have liked names/picked names/told family names that the mother hasn't liked! I'm not saying that it's right at all but it's certainly nothing to do with him being Muslim!

OP explain to your OH that whilst you're happy to have a traditional Muslim name those specific two are not to your taste. Don't give in to a name you're not happy with or your hormones will no doubt end up catastrophising it leading to an inevitable name change later down the line. Good luck! I'm sure you will find the perfect name for both of you xx

Adam works across both.
Other than that, you need to agree so he doesn't get to impose his choices on you just to appease his parents who are probably pissed off he didn't marry a Muslim girl

DH is adamant

He can be as adamant as he likes but that's not how choosing a name works.

It's not a compromise I'd ever agree to, in case we never had a child that I was 'allowed' name.

Could your DH choose the name, if you have a son, and you name your daughter ? That's a fair compromise.

Neither of you should be accepting a name you hate.

I think a compromise name that fits well with both cultures would be the best plan. Hopefully something you both like!

he insisted that if it wasn't the name he chose then he didn't care... so I chose on my own.

I'm not surprised he's your ex!

No way. He can be as adamant as he likes and tell the whole extended family, that doesn't mean he gets the final say. You both need to like the names. Don't be bulldozed into agreeing with him.

Is this the first of many things that he will force your child to go through in the name of his culture?

That's not on, telling his parents before you've agreed. Smacks of bullying you into it and treating your opinion as insignificant.
You are the one pushing that baby out - no one's opinion outranks yours!

That's not on, he sounds like a prick.

LTB.

You both need to like a name or it's in the bin.

No point naming a child something one of you hates. It's a big decision, you need a double opt in so you're both happy.

If you like a name but he doesn't then take it off the list.

I think if one parent really dislikes a name then it's ruled out. It's one thing to be a meh about it but if you actively dislike it then it's a no go.

I had the same problem with my ex. He offered one name, which even his uncle said was old fashioned and not very nice sounding, I came up with a few choices (even researched names from his culture and found some lovely ones) but he insisted that if it wasn't the name he chose then he didn't care... so I chose on my own.

What about Yazmin for a girl?

I like Yusuf, fwiw - but mainly because of Cat Stevens