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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Surname?

81 replies

PirateQueenie · 02/05/2017 08:40

This probably sounds like a petty issue to some - just wondering if anyone's been in the same boat or how you resolved it.

My partner and I aren't married, although we know we will be one day. The thing is I don't know whether I will change my name in marriage anyway - my mum didn't, and I'm named after a historical figure so love my full name. Now what name do we give baby? Loads of people have said well you've carried the child so therefore your name. And although that's true, my partner is just as deserving to use his name surely? I know how gutted I'd be if I didn't share the name with my child, so I know he'll be just as upset not to?!
As I said, probably a none-issue to most people, but we really can't decide without one of us left upset....
PS - the double barrel thing just wouldn't work for us as we both have unusual and longish surnames as it is 😕

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ImLadybird · 03/05/2017 08:08

You read about it a lot on here and because I'm now in the same situation, I notice it. If children have a different surname to the solo parent travelling with them, the advice is that you take their birth certificate with you (and sometimes even written authorisation from the other parent, that you may travel with them). Funnily enough, it seems to happen more coming back into the UK rather than leaving it Hmm

ExplodedCloud · 03/05/2017 00:26

Our dc got DH's surname but that counted as his 'pick' so I got more power in the first name pick. The name I use most...

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 03/05/2017 00:20

Bert it's a tough one for me, because I don't follow the tradition of giving fathers name just because generations before have done (hence why I'm not changing my name in marriage), but also not of the belief that "you carried the child for 9 months so you decide" either. Somewhere in limbo stuck in the middle! 😕

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BertrandRussell · 03/05/2017 00:15

"BertrandRussel We haven't actually come to that decision yet haha. What makes you assume it would be mine?"
Long and cynical experience.

QuietNameChange · 03/05/2017 00:12

Ah... My parents got divorced, maybe that's why I'm such a pessimist ;=)

I have no idea, but I'll ask her when I see her the next time. But yes, there were most likely child trafficking or child abduction concerns at least imo.

Even mumsnet has advice on it, so she couldn't have been the only one...
www.mumsnet.com/travel/travelling-with-a-child-with-a-different-surname

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 03/05/2017 00:04

Quiet - really? That's odd! Which country was that? I wonder whether there'd been some child trafficking concerns or something but it doesn't sound like the usual procedure. Many children have different names to their parents and I've never encountered this before (used to work for TUI).
Ah I rarely think about the "what ifs" when something like this. I wouldn't be having a child with my partner if I thought we'd break up (famous last words..?) 😉 x

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QuietNameChange · 03/05/2017 00:01

Pirate

I guess it really depends. But a friend of mine had issues at the border because of that... (not the English border, btw).

That's fair enough. I'm definitely a pessimist (I expect the worst and then usually end up being positively surprised...)

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 02/05/2017 23:56

Quiet - I'm not entirely sure what you mean? We're planning to get married after the baby's born, but as I said I don't plan on changing my name anyway, so not sure how that would change things?
Also, Im not really a pessimist so would never give her my name on the off chance that we might break up 😕
I also don't understand why going abroad with your child having a different name would matter?

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Original poster
PirateQueenie · 02/05/2017 23:52

Mitzy thanks for the recommendation, but we'll probably just decide a bit closer to the time, when we've settled on a definite first name and which has a better ring to it :)

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MitzyLeFrouf · 02/05/2017 23:50

Put his surname as the second middle name.

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 02/05/2017 23:50

BertrandRussel We haven't actually come to that decision yet haha. What makes you assume it would be mine?

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QuietNameChange · 02/05/2017 23:49

Pirate

Honestly, if he wants his child to have his surname then he should marry the mother. Or be thrilled with double barrelling... But that's obviously just my personal opinion.

What happens if you break up? And you may want to go on holiday abroad with your DC, for example?

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 23:46

Let me guess. It's your name that's going to be the second name......

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 02/05/2017 23:42

Thanks all, spoke to DP tonight and think we'll opt for one surname as second middle name. I know it may rarely be uses but atleast it's in there. The double barrel or double surname just won't sound right at all! :)

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BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 17:23

Because that's how some people solve this dilemma. Not saying it's a good way or a bad way-it's just a way. And who says you have to have a family name? Lots don't.

Floggingmolly · 02/05/2017 17:19

Why on earth would you have "your name for boys, his for girls"??
It's supposed to be a family name Confused

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 17:13

"You can also have two surnames without using a hyphen."

Why would you do that?

ImLadybird · 02/05/2017 17:11

I'd use your (or his) surname as a second middle name. I wish I'd done that.

MitzyLeFrouf · 02/05/2017 17:10

Just double barrel, it doesn't matter that the names are long and unusual. Unless the surnames combined make a comedy name like Bigge-Cox they'll be just fine.

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 02/05/2017 17:09

We married before we had DD, so our situation is a bit different, I guess.

DH is the only son and he is really attached to his name. His name is als double barelled and he didn't want to give up a part of his name to double barrel with mine.

Our DC will get his surname but I get to choose their first names...

However, imo it's really important that you share a surname (or a part of it) with the child. What if you break up and want to go abroad with your child for a holiday, for example?

FizzyGreenWater · 02/05/2017 16:34

You give the baby your surname now and then you can change both (baby's by deed poll) when you marry, if you do end up taking his name.

If you don't, you could then double-barrel the baby's name at that point.

user1471547428 · 02/05/2017 09:54

I'm married but didn't change my name. We've used my surname as a second middle name. You can also have two surnames without using a hyphen.

NavyandWhite · 02/05/2017 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 08:49

Don't use one as a middle name. It'll just vanish.

Hyphenate. Or make up a new name from a combination of both.

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 02/05/2017 08:46

Ahh I didn't even consider using one as a middle name!

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