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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

AIBU .. my father other OH father .. name wars

33 replies

MrsWakey269 · 15/04/2017 21:38

We are currently expecting baby no.2 at the end of June and have been having some issues choosing names. We are quite set on first names for girl and boy that isn't the issue but when it comes to a middle name for a boy the arguments begin. I lost my dad when I was 18 and we were really close and I was always my daddy's girl and my OH knows this and witnessed the bond we had for a short while before he passed. We have agreed (under some of my duress) that the name variation I had originally liked has been vetoed but now every time I mention my dads name as the middle name my OH response is 'what about my dad?' To which I respond both our children have your dads surname. OH gets defensive and shuts off and says he doesn't want to talk about it just now. AIBU to think this is a silly argument and that I am fair in what I say about surname and middle name

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motheroftwojedi · 15/04/2017 22:02

We had a similar issue and in the end we just gave DS two middle names (my Dad and DH's dads names) It's not really what I would have chosen because the surname is my FiLs name but actually now my son is older he loves the fact he has both his GF names as his middle name.

HeddaGarbled · 15/04/2017 21:57

I think these are two separate issues. You made the decision to give your children your partner's surname. Yes, it's his dad's name as well but that isn't why you've given them that name so you aren't honouring or pleasing his dad by choosing the surname.

Using your dad's first name is a completely different thing. I understand why you want to but I also understand why your partner is concerned about how his own dad might feel.

So, look at all the alternatives:

Both grandfathers' first names included
Use your own/your dad's surname
Don't use any family names, just choose names you both like

Floozy89 · 15/04/2017 21:53

Exactly how I feel Slyvannas .. his family just don't work that way. They aren't very open about things and live by an old fashioned rule of the parents should always be obeyed regardless of weather its right or not which is why I don't always see eye-to-eye with them as my family is not that way at all polar opposites. OH has no problem being open with my family though and always seems much more relaxed with my family than his own sometimes. But that is another issue xx

Sylvannas · 15/04/2017 21:45

I've used my father's name as DS middle name. DH knows how much my father means to me and doesn't see it as a rejection of his own father. It's a shame your DH can't talk about it as it sounds like you need to have a heart to heart.

Floozy89 · 15/04/2017 21:43

The same argument unfortunately arises as to why my dad is first but his isn't blah blah blah .. I'm going crazy lol hoping it's a girl again at this rate xx

Floozy89 · 15/04/2017 21:41

I feel it would be quite a mouthful as my nephews name is Iike this and he doesn't like having such a big name

MiniAlphaBravo · 15/04/2017 21:40

I can see your point here. Could you make your dad's the first name then his dad's as middle name?

user1483387154 · 15/04/2017 21:40

Why dont you use both?