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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

WWYD sensitive subject

62 replies

UnicornPee · 17/11/2016 20:25

We are due our 3rd an final baby,a girl.
My DH mother died suddenly and unexpectedly this year.
He has told me he wants our babies middle name to be her name. I haven't replied to this and I think he assumes that's fine.
However, here's where I need WWYD opinions.
I wasn't close to his mother. I wasn't a huge fan of her. Obviously I'm sad she died don't get me wrong. But I don't feel that much of a connection to want to give my last child her name as a middle name.
If I go with my gut I am dreading telling my DH.

WWYD?
A) go with what I want and give her my own choice lovely middle name

B) respect my DH wishes and give her the middle name of his late mum

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NerrSnerr · 17/11/2016 21:23

I agree with the others, use her name. It's your husband's baby too, it sounds like you want full choice on baby name.

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/11/2016 21:20

Give her the name and one of your own if you feel the need.

AlmaMartyr · 17/11/2016 21:18

Use the name. Honestly I wouldn't even think about it.

seven201 · 17/11/2016 21:08

Definitely b.

My mum died a couple of years before my dd was born. It meant the world to me that she had my mum's middle name. It's just a middle name so make your husband happy.

user1471950254 · 17/11/2016 20:59

It obviously means a lot to your partner so using his Mum's middle name is the right thing to do

RNBrie · 17/11/2016 20:58

Two middle names.

Blu · 17/11/2016 20:58

Your poor DH, still grieving and knowing his Mum will not know his unborn child. It must be a huge thing for him.

Blu · 17/11/2016 20:56

Yes, use the name. And use your chosen middle name, too.

memyselfandaye · 17/11/2016 20:56

Did she have a middle name?

OfGurls · 17/11/2016 20:55

If you really don't want to, is there any name she liked, that you know of, any name she didn't use for a daughter she never had or anything?
Any of her role models names?

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 17/11/2016 20:55

Definitely use the name your DH wants in the middle for what is also his final baby and which honours his mother.

InterchangeableEmma · 17/11/2016 20:52

Use the name. Use yours too. Firstname Yourname MILsname Surname.

harderandharder2breathe · 17/11/2016 20:52

Use the name

It's his mum, regardless of your relationship with her, she was his mum and your baby's grandmother. Unless she was an awful person, let your DH do this for her

babyblabber · 17/11/2016 20:51

B for sure.

It's not about you it's about your DH and your DD. My DD's middle name is that of MIL who was dying of cancer when she was born. Although I liked MIL, I hate the name as it reminds me of a girl I really didn't like in school. But I love DDs first name so I feel that makes up for it.

Also my middle name is that of my dad's mum who died when he was a teenager. I would have been her first grandchild. I love that I have the connection to her even though I never got to meet her. She is a piece of my history and I'm glad to have her name.

Amandahugandkisses · 17/11/2016 20:47

You must use the name. It's s small ask.

MrsNuckyThompson · 17/11/2016 20:47

Use the name.

Your DH has lost his mum. What does it really cost you to do this? Use something which will mean something to him in his grief.

For what it's worth we gave DS two middle names, one of which was DH's late father's name.

lauryloo · 17/11/2016 20:44

B

It's his child too and it's his mother he wants to honour.

Lapinlapin · 17/11/2016 20:43

What everyone else has said.

It doesn't matter that you didn't have much of a connection to your mil.

Your dh had that connection with his mum, so that's why you should use the name, in my opinion.

CashelGirl · 17/11/2016 20:41

I think the fact that he has suggested it as a middle name and not a first name shows a huge sensitivity to him knowing that thus wouldn't be your first choice. I think it would be very insensitive if you not to allow him to use his mothers name as his final child's middle name. If this was the other way round, and my partner didn't want to honour my Mums memory so soon after a bereavement then I honestly don't think I would ever forgive them.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 17/11/2016 20:41

Absolutely use the name!

This is your DH's "final baby" too and it obviously means a lot to him. It's only a middle name.

If he were wanting to use the name as a first name then things would be different. But he isn't.

Haffdonga · 17/11/2016 20:39

B.

It's his child too.

Chinlo · 17/11/2016 20:39

I would use the name since I don't put much stock in middle names at all (they're so rarely used or even known by anyone outside of the family!!) and so it's an easy decision to make my OH happy.

Joinourclub · 17/11/2016 20:35

Option B. This child is your husbands child too! Even if his mother hadn't JUST died, going with 'what I want' and giving her 'MY choice' wouldn't be the right thing to do. I struggle to see how you could even consider not doing this for your husband.

PrincessWatermelon · 17/11/2016 20:34

Or is there any way you can use the name but with a twist? So an abbreviation or a suggestion of it, so it's different but still honouring her? I think I'd use it though!

OSETmum · 17/11/2016 20:34

You know he's her parent too don't you?!

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