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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

I don't want our daughter to have a middle name... DP does... How do we come to an agreement?

92 replies

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 03:08

I don't want our daughter to have a middle name. She will have a double-barrelled surname... It's enough! She'll be Scarlett Daniels-Harryson...

DP wants her to. However, it's not to honour anyone, so it's literally his preference or mine! I finally gave in and said that a 1 syllable name would be fine, so we chose Joy. Scarlett Joy Daniels-Harryson (I think it sounds too much, but would be happy with it)... He now claims that it isn't fair as because I wasn't fussed about a middle name, he should be able to pick it, as it's him who's fussed. Which I don't see makes sense!? As I'm fussed! I was fussed about her not having one. He wants it to be 4 syllables (he's still in a strop that he had to compromise for the 1st name)...

Seriously, how do we fix this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DixieNormas · 29/10/2016 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fewerofwhomithinkwell · 29/10/2016 07:10

I don't think you sound controlling, your DP has gone back on something. Do you think your experience of having a middle name has tarnished your views? I think you stick to your guns. My DDs both have two middle names AND a double barrel surname, which I like, but it's not for everyone.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 29/10/2016 07:04

Oh yes the bank and computer problems are an issue, although probably already approaching/over the limit already.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/10/2016 07:01

Op I suggest you get this thread edited / deleted. I don't think it's a great idea to have your child's full name here like this

Redkite10a · 29/10/2016 06:57

There is a limit to how long a name you can fit on a passport. If it is too long they abbreviate it and the full name goes on the notes page. They are supposed to use the abbreviation you suggest but they ignored it for me, and it does look a bit weird. Mine also doesn't fit on some bank systems and they randomly drop letters off one of my middle names to make it fit....

Could you suggest whatever name you agree has to fit on a passport - a very practical reason for keeping it shorter?

CheddarGorgeous · 29/10/2016 06:50

You are getting a really hard time. There's nothing controlling about vetoing a name you dislike.v You've agreed Joy, you should both stick to it.

Unless you give her two middle names

Penfold007 · 29/10/2016 06:35

Perhaps you should register the birth yourself, give her the first and surname you want. Leave the entitled one out of the process.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 29/10/2016 06:32

I'm on your side. Our dc have a long surname all his one of our requirements was that the middle name had to be one syllable because on the times that you need to say it, or worse, spell it you don't want to be there for ages. For the same reason we wanted something normal. Scarlett is nice but it does make a statement, if the child decides to go by a different name (in our family many go by their middle name) you want something less extreme and most importantly something you both agree on. Besides Petronilla is awful. Reminds me of Aunt Petunia for some reason from Harry Potter.

Original poster

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 06:16

Lost the plot? Probably. I'm heavily pregnant.

2 syllables, also fine by me. But not exactly helpful when the entitled one only wants 4 syllables.

OP posts:

Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 06:12

Sounds like you're losing the plot a bit, OP.

It's just a middle name. Scarlett Joy, Scarlett Petronilla, both are bad. I also agree with a PP that a compromise would be a 2 syllable middle name.

Original poster

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 06:10

It means something to my DP for no good reason. I've explained why no middle name or a normal one is better. He has no argument for that odd name (a name I can't even pronounce).

It's fucking ridiculous quite frankly!

It means a lot to me to name our daughter Violet Daniels, but guess what? Your partner has to agree with the name. So we had to find a first name we both like and double barrel. Strange that a man always has to have more of a name, oh maybe it's because he agreed to double barrel? Maybe that's why.

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 29/10/2016 06:07

Scarlett Joy does sound like a women's porn site TBH. Nobody uses middle names, and it matters to your DP. We are expecting DS1 after Christmas and will be saddling him with an AWFUL middle name, but it belonged to someone we loved very much who is no longer with us. Doesn't really matter it's a terrible name as other than the BC and in wedding vows, it simply won't be used!

Original poster

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 06:04

It doesn't matter if you think Joy is just as bad. Joy is the name we both agreed on. The other name is a name I hate. Surely it's logical to go with the one we both like?

This place really is crazy!

OP posts:

FabFiveFreddie · 29/10/2016 06:00

Surely midway between none and four is two...?

Personally I think four syllables works better than one with a double barreled name, but Petronilla is a bit odd.

Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 05:59

FWIW, Scarlett Joy is just as bad as Scarlett Petronilla.

Scarlett Joy is two nouns for a name, and Scarlett Petronilla is one noun and one made-up word for a name.

Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 05:57

She doesn't. Needs and wants are a different thing.

FluffyFluffster · 29/10/2016 05:57

Huh. Go to the other thread. There you can name her what you like and just not register him as the father because he's bullying you into it. This is a weird place sometimes.

Petronilla...? That's a name? I'm sorry but I dislike it a lot but I'm possibly pronouncing it wrong and keep trying to say petroleum.

I think people are on the side of letting him have the middle name because to most people, it doesn't matter so don't consider it worth the argument. My middle name isn't relevant since it never gets used.

Joy is lovely and fits with the rest of the name.

Original poster

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 05:54

*need one

OP posts:

Original poster

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 05:53

If it's a middle name and doesn't matter, why does she need why/can't it be Joy? It's exactly the same argument.

OP posts:

Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 05:52

Because it's a middle name and it doesn't matter, basically.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Original poster

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 05:48

No, it's coming to a compromise. I don't want a middle name, he wants a 4 syllable one. I agree to 1 syllable. It's a compromise. Why shouldn't I get a say in the middle name. You seem to assume he should get to pick it? No matter how much I hate it. Why is that??

OP posts:

Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 05:45

Because you're dictating what he can and can't choose.

Saying he can only have a one-syllable middle name choice is dictating.

You don't want a middle name, and he does, and that's the core issue here.

When do names get read out in full?

Original poster

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 05:42

How does it make me controlling though? Because I want to like the name? The more you post, the more bizarre you sound!

OP posts:

Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 05:40

OP, the more you post, the more you sound controlling.

I already said that I don't use my middle name, but that I think you should let him add one. It makes no bloody difference.

How often is the name read out in full? Never. So adding his choice of middle name doesn't "ruin" the name.

Original poster

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 05:36

He doesn't want anything other than that, I did say that in the OP. We had decided on Joy but he then said it wasn't fair and he wanted the 4 syllable one.

OP posts:

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