I don't want our daughter to have a middle name... DP does... How do we come to an agreement?

I've just done a quick Google and the maximum length name the DVLA will accept is 30 characters. I've just done a quick count and I reckon that you are up to 24 already excluding spaces (but including the hyphen).

Life is far too short to have a name that will be a hassle for legal documents. So a six letter limit would be sensible. (Obviously check I'm right about this.)

If you don't like Petronilla what with it being awful then you have the right to veto.

You need a middle name you both like. Have no clue why people say that you should go with what he wants because no one cares about middle names anyway. That's a ridiculous argument - if someone comes on and says their child's middle name is "pooface", "smelly" or "baufhrjwgxnd" then I'll listen again! (If it doesn't matter - why not?!?!)

Legally he is stuffed here. You call him DP so presumably not married. Means only you can register. You should get a name you both agree on. But technically if you want Violet Daniels then he can't stop you.....

DH wants a long middle name
You want no middle name

So... a short middle name?
Joy
Ann
Rose
Grace
Kate
Eve
Fay
Blair
Blake
Fleur
Blythe
Clare
Belle

There are so many lovely one syllable options.

Bizarre responses at the start of this thread! It's not controlling to veto a hideous long middle name for your kid. Just say no. That name is not happening. He can suggest an alternative or you can stick with no middle name. (Please not Scarlett Joy though, that is very porny).

Bloody hell, since when did Baby Names morph into AIBU?!

DH and I are having a similar debate. The baby will have two surnames (which DH wasn't convinced about but he's realised it's non-negotiable as far as I'm concerned). We've agreed on a short first name we both really like (phew! yay!) I want to give the baby a middle name and DH doesn't. I have suggested something short so the full name isn't too much of a mouthful (not that the full name would be used very often). I also want to use a family name rather than just giving a middle name for the sake of it. We still haven't decided, but given that DH isn't sure about having one in the first place, I would never insist on a name he doesn't like. Certainly not a long and ugly name like Petronilla.

Could you suggest that if he's changed his mind about Joy, he comes up with one or two other options that you can choose together? Perhaps you could ask him to stick to one or two syllables, and veto a name if you really dislike it, but be reasonably flexible apart from that.

Poor OP. Both parents should have a veto on any specific name. That's not controlling or uncompromising! Sure, middle names don't matter much, but mum and dad both need to like the full name. I'd say the best compromise is to have a middle name, but it has to be one you like too. Good luck!

No 4 syllable name will work because the child's incubator mother does not want such a long middle name.

A different 4 syllable name would work.
What about Scarlett Elizabeth? Scarlett Marianna?

OP please stop arguing about your baby to be's name before they're even born. It's not necessary to hammer it out in advance and unpleasantly, as you are both doing.

Who knows you may even have a son despite being told it's a girl! Happened to me, true story.

Have your child, your lives will instantly change beyond words, then you'll be able to figure out their name.

You are in such a wonderful position - try to enjoy your good fortune that you will soon have a new baby.

If that is the real names you have used in your post, they are incredibly identifying. Are you sure you're ok with that?

There are a lot of people on AIBU that think men shoukd name their babies and not be troubled for inout by the incubator. Ignore them.

Petronilla is a name you inflict on a child to make a point about who is in control. She will be embarrassed by it for her entire life becausebit is ugly, preposterous, and wrong.

OP, I don't have anything new to say, but wanted to come on and support you - you've had a rough time on here! It's difficult as there is no compromise really, no middle ground.

Petronilla is terrible though.

Have you tried the nameberry website? There's an option to put a name you do like and bring up similar ones. I trawled through that many an evening.....

So he's got his way with the first name, with the double barrelled surname and now wants his way with the middle name?
Ridiculous!
I'd go back to the start and say you want more of a say in the first name at the very least if he's having his choice of surname and is adding a middle name against your wishes

Scarlett Joy and Scarlett Petronilla are both awful together to be honest, I agree with the pp who said they sound like porn names!
You also sound extremely controlling and reacting in quite anvextremeceay to a middle name that will rarely be used.

Hi OP,

i think its reasonable for DP to request a middle name. But it should be an agreed name. And that includes syllables...

Having said that, there are some glorious long middle name options out there [ not petronilla tho!!] and as many folk have said , its only used as much as you DD will want.

Eg Persephone, Eleanor or some on this:
www.theartofnaming.com/2015/01/4-syllable-girl-names.html

I'm with you OP. He wants a middle name, you don't. The compromise was to choose a simple, one syllable name which you both agreed on. He has since decided that he actually doesn't want to compromise and he wants a truly awful 4 syllable name. I wouldn't give my children any name that I didn't like. Even if it was a middle name. Tell him no and if he's decided he doesn't like joy anymore then you can both decide on a different one.

Petronilla is a horrible name. Though I don't like the combination of Scarlett Joy either tbh.

I think you've had some really strange responses here, OP. Not really sure why you should accept a name that you hate! It is not controlling to veto a name that you really dislike, and you are already compromising by agreeing to have a middle name in the first place. Your DH now needs to compromise too, so that you're both content with the names that you finally choose.

Hope you find a mutually acceptable way forward!

Why 'Petronilla', that sounds made up. Petronella is the more usual spelling.

I understand why you don't want a long middle name, I had a similar situation. Better to try to find something you both like and not worry about how long it is. I know you're having to compromise further but it is not reasonable for him to say it has to be Petronilla when there are millions of names to choose from.

Wow. There's a lot of hate here for the op. And it doesn't matter whether we like the names Petronilla or Joy or not. This is a question of why should dh get the final say in the name or equallly why should op get the final say. However op has compromised and agreement was made and the man has changed his kind and come up with a name that op hates and is insisting.

He's being a knob and quite cruel as you are heavily pregnant, probably tired and hormonal right now.

Yanbu at all op he is being changing the goal posts. You compromised on the first name and on actually having a middle name. Tell him to stop behaving like a toddler not getting his own way.

We had similar with DD, my dh loved very traditional names and me more unusual. Dd first name was a compromise for me and dh did not want a middle name. I explained that i wanted a nod to a bit less traditional name as Middle name, dh agreed but I also recognised that he had to like it, so some of my more out there suggestions were vetoed.

I get why you are both frustrated with this. I think you need to say no way to petronilla, it needs to be a name you agree on (although not love, just that it's ok for you to say and don't hate) but you need to not say it can only be 1 syllable.
Good luck. It's a tough one to sort.

Personally I'm not keen on Joy or Petronilla. I'd keep looking.

Petronilla is dreadful.

You have been given a very hard time here, OP.

What is the issue over the first name ? Is he less than keen? Is it your choice it have you both compromised?

When is your baby due ? I used to get completely disorientated poring over name after name, every word started to sound like a possible; colander, jello, glacier...

Give it a break for a few days.

(My child with s hyphenated surname has no middle name, we didn't see any point in an extra name, and thought his surname long enough!)

My kids all love having a middle name and are really proud of them. They also love hearing why we picked them. For example my dd1 middle name is Charlotte after queen Charlotte street in bristol where me and dh met. Maybe you could find something that means something to you and that sounds ok? I think it's nice to have one tbh because one day your dd might want to use it and really after the announcement no one really this about the middle name much. Having said all that I think one or two sylabells would be best with your fast and last name. Plus two sylabells really gives you so much more choice. Could you both compromise on that and pick something meaningful to you both? That would be my resolution to the problem.

I agree with you OP. You're already compromising, you shouldn't have to call your child something you dislike. It reminds me of Aunt Petunia too.

On the other hand, you don't have to use it save for official purposes, and lots of people pretend they don't have middle names if they dislike them.

Personally I wouldn't agree to it, but then my husband would never try to force it. I guess you have to decide if it's a battle worth fighting.

Exactly what midcenturymodern said. I'm glad someone else said it first

If you've had to compromise on the first name, and your DH wants a middle name and you don't, surely that means you get to chose the middle name.

I'm a big fan of middle names and I'm really struggling to see the objection but Scarlett Joy is awful. It sound like something off the menu at a brothel. Petronilla is a bit rare and noun sounding to have after an adjective imo. Petronella might be better as it's more common.

If I were you I would re-negotiate a compromise to a middle name that doesn't make her sound like a euphemism or an industrial solvent.