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Baby names

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Original poster

DP won't let me pick our daughter's name!

137 replies

JassyS · 28/10/2016 17:48

Our daughter is due soon. DP wants her to have his surname, so I said that's fine, as long as I get to pick the first name. He says no, so I said, we double-barrel her surname, then we both get to pick a first name that we both like (but not love - there isn't a name we both love). Or she has my surname and he can pick.

He still thinks I'm being unreasonable! Angry

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Original poster
JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:41

All the ones telling me to compromise, how am I not compromising? Hmm it isn't me, it's him!

OP posts:
AmeliaJack · 28/10/2016 18:40

And running off and registering your baby in your own is linkely to be pretty unforgivable and relationship altering.

I can't believe people are suggesting it.

Original poster
JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:39

Peppa, my mum died when I was 10.

She has never been a part of his life and was in my life for such a short amount of time. I can't help that I just love her name. It is definitely my favourite girls name.

OP posts:
AmeliaJack · 28/10/2016 18:39

You need to find a compromise that works for you both not a tit for tat solution.

You are about to be parents you have years of decisions an compromises to make ahead of you.

MummaGiles · 28/10/2016 18:37

I wouldn't use your daughter's name as a pawn in a power struggle. Please compromise. Neither of you should be burdened with a child with a name you dislike. This isn't analogous to the situation where the mum is on her own and dad has left so he has waived his right to have any say in the name - if your DP is going to be a dad to your DD any as much as you are going to be a mum then this is a team decision.

peppatax · 28/10/2016 18:36

I thought you had a point until I saw that you wanted to name the baby after your mum. EXH had very strong opinions about babies named after relatives and I'm inclined to say he had a point. I'm expecting a baby with new DP and if he named the baby after his mother on account of it having my surname I'd have reopened discussions too!

AyeAmarok · 28/10/2016 18:30

Definitely make sure your surname is included, double barrelled, or yours. Not his.

His attitude to that is reason alone to make sure your surname is at least part of her surname.

MrsHiddleston · 28/10/2016 18:30

You are not married and he has no say. He cannot register the birth without you being present, whereas you can register it without him. Give the baby whatever name and surname you want, if he's not willing to meet you half way.

Wolfiefan · 28/10/2016 18:27

Worrying that this is such a massive issue. As a parent you will have bedtime and routines and food choices and behaviour boundaries and friendship or sharing issues and ......
If you can't even be on the same page about a name then how's that all going to go? Hmm

Chinlo · 28/10/2016 18:21

Chinlo, ideally that's what I want

Well I mean, that's the obvious, reasonable course. Absolute compromise from both sides. Nobody gets more of a say than the other.

If he can't understand that then he's just a dick. Maybe you should show him this thread.

GummyBunting · 28/10/2016 18:18

Please don't give your baby your partner's name. I hated growing up with a different name to my mum.

hollyisalovelyname · 28/10/2016 18:12

OP
Start as you mean to go on.
Do not let this man dictate to you.
I would certainly choose the first name and then use a double barrelled name. Your surname and his surname
You have carried this baby.
You will call baby what you like.
He seems VERY controlling.

Original poster
JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:07

Chinlo, ideally that's what I want Smile

OP posts:
Chinlo · 28/10/2016 18:06

If you don't have the same surname as him then I would personally insist on a double-barrelled surname. Then choose a first name together, preferably one that you BOTH like a lot, if not love.

GinIsIn · 28/10/2016 18:06

Umm, what Lewwat said! Hmm

Original poster
JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:05

Lewwat, he won't agree to a double barrelled surname so I'm not going with a name we just agree on and I don't love when she will have his surname.

I'm open to the idea of baby having his surname if I get to pick her name, as I'll use my mum's name as her first name (I absolutely love it tbh!)

OP posts:
MrsJoyless · 28/10/2016 18:03

You don't have to take his surname, but you can change the baby's name, as she then becomes legitimate. Admittedly, you would still have a fight on your hands if you want the double-barrelled option, but it sounds as if you are open to the idea of her having just his name. But you have all the power here, so you must do exactly what you want.

AGinForEachMakesThree · 28/10/2016 18:03

It's a tough one but I suggest finding a name you both agree on. Failing that, threaten to register whatever name you like, alone! That should get his ass into gear.

DP named our first I picked the middle name, I named our second - he hated it but I wouldn't budge, he picked the middle name and we both named our third together although it was a name he chose I instantly loved it. They all have his surname.

Lewwat · 28/10/2016 18:02

Unless you cooked up that baby completely on your own then you have no moral right to do as people on here are suggesting.

How would you feel if the man was allowed to just register the baby without your permission!

Quite a shitty thing to do really.

Decide on a name you both like.

Original poster
JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:00

Mrs, I wouldn't take his surname though?

OP posts:
WeArePregnant11 · 28/10/2016 18:00

I mean, both should have the right to decide together what's the last name and the first name is going to be...

MrsJoyless · 28/10/2016 17:59

If he wants the baby to have his surname, then he should marry you, and you will change the baby's surname at that point. It's one of the "perks" of marrying your child's mother.

WeArePregnant11 · 28/10/2016 17:59

The kiddo either gets a double-barrelled one or you (alone!) get to decide.

Or the kiddo gets your surname and he gets to decide.

However, imo both should get to decide....

Original poster
JassyS · 28/10/2016 17:58

Breathe, that's what the double-barrelling option is

OP posts:
BreatheDeep · 28/10/2016 17:58

The whole name should be a mutual agreement in my eyes. I wouldn't say I pick that bit, you pick that other bit. You should both agree/compromise to all parts.

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