DP won't let me pick our daughter's name!

Neon, what's she supposed to do if he doesn't ever let her contribute to the name? What does she do then? When she is forced to register the baby?? Honestly??

Neon, the whoopie do was pathetic. Do you not think carrying a baby/giving birth to a baby is a big deal?

Fuck that doubling surname, pick a name you actually like.
You will be using her first name all the time, you have to like it!!!

Make a list of ten each and if one appears on both lists, then that's it.

So she carries the baby for 9 months... whoopie do. He's the father and should have an equal say on names. He will be the baby's father for the rest of his life.

I'm not saying what he's doing is right. Just that it would take some kind of vindictive bitch to register a child behind the fathers back to avoid him having any choice in the name.

There was no choice in 1916 - married? Fathers name. Not married? Mothers name. We have choice now. That's what I meant.

Indeed, in 1916 there would have been no question of a baby not getting its mother's name.

That is a very recent invention.

I meant it should be a joint choice. I wasn't saying you hadn't offered that. He is being unreasonable but I don't think the solution is he gets the surname and you the first. Tell him he is unreasonable as the surname is just as much a joint choice as the first name is. This is 2016, not 1916.

She carried the baby for 9months in her own body. 100% if I had my time again I would have NEVER given my child his father's surname. Now I have to justify when I want to take my own child overseas etc.

Op unless you're married I suggest you stick with your surname. Both of you can then select the first name.

Op - if he is this much of a prick over a name is he bullying and unreasonable over everything else.

I have been where you are - my advice is name the baby what you want and use your surname, not his. sorry but if he is this awful and stamping his feet it does not bode well. You are unmarried, this is your right as the child's mother. No matter what he insists he cannot make you do what you don't want to do over this. Do you want to be 5 years down the line calling your child's name across a playground and regret the name and different surname to yours? He could well be long gone by then - where does that leave you?

Of course it would be terribly sad if the OP really had to leave him off the BC and TBH as they have been together for 16 years she is less likely to wind up in that all-too-common scenario of being left alone with a baby with a different surname to her own, that she is unable to change legally. But the OP does hold all the cards here and she can surely point that out very nicely along with the MN staple "tinkly laugh"?

If his 'compromise ' does not involve the OP having any choice in the child's name or surname then damn right she should do what she's perfectly, legally entitled to do and register the child without him.

And yes I'm in a wonderful fully functioning relationship thanks, because I learned early in life to recognise a wanker and get rid of them.

Er she can just name the baby what she wants, that's the law. OP has offered to double barrel and he doesn't want that. Who is he to try to prevent this mother from sharing her name with her baby?

Standing up for your right to name yiur own baby against a bully is not being controlling .

Perhaps we have functioning relationships with men who are not shit?

You can't just name the baby what you want. Unbelievable that some people are suggesting the dp is controlling yet you're suggesting the op unilaterally registers the baby and calls her whatever she wants! How is that not controlling!

No contempt for good fathers.

Plenty for men who try to bully pregnant women into not giving their baby their own name.

In an equal world, it would not occur to a man that he had a unilateral right to give a baby hus surname and write its mother entireky out of its named identity.

And it is her body that is making this baby.

He just had an orgasm a few months ago.

I'd say not many coocoo if they practice what they preach!

OP has given him the option to double barrel so that both of their names are fairly reflected and he doesn't want that. In those circumstances where the OP has tried to compromise it is perfectly reasonable to remind her of her legal right to name her baby whatever she likes.

Jassy make sure the baby has your surname regardless of what happens with the first name, whether that be yours alone or as part of a double barrelled name.

Some of the advice on this post is appalling! Telling her to leave him off the BC? Yeah, that's going to end well I wonder how many of the people giving advice on the op's relationship actually have functioning relationships themselves....

Pretty sure I said cooked up, as in made.
Not cooking.

There's a lot of contempt for men/fathers on this post.

I thought everyone was all for equality these days

JassyS that's nice you want to honour your mum in that way but perhaps it's a burden your DP doesn't want to carry? Neither he nor your daughter have that emotional connection with your mum and it maybe he's concerned that it's not just about it being a nice name.

I imagine she is cooking the baby on her own.

As all women have done since Eve.

And as such, she has the absolute legal and moral right to name the baby she is having based entirely on her preferences and not those of the bossy wanker whose ejaculate was present at conception.

Weird that it is "relationship changing" for a woman to name her baby what she wants but totally fine for a man to try to force her to give the baby the name he wants.

This relationship needs to change based on the current wankerness of the man involved.

I didn't say you have to compromise, you have to work together to find a compromise.

Keep talking!