DP won't let me pick our daughter's name!

Why does your DP not want to double barrel the child's surname? It seems a logical thing to do, but so does compromising on her first name. Maybe when you meet her she won't suit your mum's name?

Don't let this situation cause you so much angst. There will be many more bigger issues for you & DP to deal with as your child grows up.

Louise, why can't he agree to double barrel then? Then they can both choose the first name together

Sounds like he might be controlling and abusive. My ex did the EXACT same thing. In the end my DD ended up with 3 names that (1st,middle & surname) that only my ex liked. So she's stuck with his surname, near impossible to change it to mine without his consent.

Please name her what ever you like.

She wouldn't be registering the child "to spite him".

She would just be registering her child in the normal way according to the law.

It is up to him whether he wants to stop being a pigheaded bully and agree that his child should be named by both parents.

The point is just that despite his bullying nature, he doesn't old all the cards here.

If you think it is immoral not to give in to a bully who is trying to force you into agreeing to something against your interests and those of your child, you must be very invested in men being mire important than women.

The OP is only asking for equality in naming their baby.

It is her partner that is trying to enforce a situation in which he gets to dictate.

Say for him, and happily for the woman and baby, he has no power to enforce his will here.

And yet there are still people claiming it's really mean not to roll over and give him whatever he wants.

Penis worship is strong in some of you.

But he doesn't want to be in control of both names does he, perhaps it's just he wants a name he actually likes, let's say he says OP can have the last name and he can choose the first name I don't think OP would be accepting of a name she didn't like, it's a big decision and not agreeing on what to name their child isn't bullying as others have mentioned.

If she registers the birth alone, she cannot name the father, it is not an "either or" situation.

And that's likely to go really well when he wants to pick both names.

What would it do to her relationship with the father of her baby i wonder, to go ahead and register the baby without his agreement?

Even if they split up she needs to have a decent co parenting relationship with him.

I've gotta say if it were me that had no choice in name and somebody registered my child to spite me not agreeing with them, without me and some even suggesting not to name the man, I would have to leave the relationship that's seriously fucked up and probably wouldn't be a one off and indicative of how the person saw me in respect to raising the child.

You can do many things legally, doesn't make it morally right

I can't think of a single reason a reasonable, decent man would object to a double barrelled surname. You have a name, he has a name - he thinks the baby just gets his name. Why? Because he's the man?

It's not up to him if you double barrel the surname! Why should you be left out if it?

I didn't take DH's name when we married. We both kept our own, I remain a Ms and the children are double barrelled.

I don't think that carrying and giving birth to the baby entitles a woman to make all decisions about the child unilaterally, including the name.

The law thinks differently.

Legally he doesn't become the child's father until he is registered as such. By the child's mother.

Her (insignificant to you, massively significant to people interested in reality) growing of a new person makes that new person legally connected to her unless she takes extraordinary steps to sever the relationship.

Fathers become equal parents through active parenting. They don't start as equal. That's biology. And the law.

I don't think that carrying and giving birth to the baby entitles a woman to make all decisions about the child unilaterally, including the name.

When my twins arrive, me and dh will be choosing their names together. Because he is their father, and will be their equal parent for the rest of his life. How does being sensible make me vile?

OP, whatever else happens, give the child both your surnames.

Then hopefully you can work together to come up with first names you are both happy with.

He is being very unreasonable. There is no reasonable argument about the baby having both your surnames.

Maybe establish that first. So that the whole conversation is taken away from bargaining. Baby is the child of both of you, you will all be a family, so baby's surname reflects that.

Then talk about what is important to each of you in the first name.

Op, I would insist on double barrelling the surname (if he continues to be an arse, only give her your surname) and choosing a first name you both like (or if he continues to be an arse, give her a name you love).

You have six weeks after your dd is born to get to know her and hopefully find a name you both like that really suits her.

I'm afraid though in your situation, I'd be considering leaving him full stop. Who does he think he is?

So in numbers:
Op's options:
A) Double barrel surname and compromise first name. Each person gets 50% name input. ( Both get half of each name)
B) DP surname OP choice first name. Each person gets 50% name input. (One each)

DP's option:
A) DP'S surname and compromise first name. DP gets 75% name input OP gets 25% (OP gets half of first name only)

So DP'S plan is that his opinion / choice should be worth three times what the OP's is when it comes to the child who is presumably at least half hers.

Hmm hold your ground- it will Piss u off no end in the future otherwise.
I would get him to sit and watch a loooong and graphic birth from youtube (with lots of screaming). Women IMO (carry and birth and feed the babies and i think we) should have more say when it comes to naming as a result !
Good luck :)

You're the one growing the baby and giving birth to it, if there can't be an agreement then you must have the final say.
If you're not married, make sure the baby has your surname, you risk all sorts of arseache if you have a different surname than your dc, for example when taking them abroad. I would not compromise on that at all - if he was so fussed about the baby's surname, he should have got married before having the baby.

It's 100% your choice OP, irrespective of the vile nonsense spouted on this thread by goady pillocks. Is your OH behaving in a way that would warrant taking his point of view into account?

Doinit Please stop picking at what I say. I have said he is being unreasonable. I am backing her up. I didn't really think I had to clarify that the fathers name was used for baby in 1916 because the mother would also have had to have had that name but apparently I do. There was still no choice which was my point.

So it's fine for OP to stand up against the 'bully' for what she wants, but it's not ok for him to do the same for what is also his baby?

Have you actually asked him if he likes the name? I can't see if you've said whether he's opposed to it or not, just that you want to choose it. He might actually agree with you and then there's actually no problem.

At the end of the day, if either of you railroad the other it's going to make for a rocky relationship.

The DP doesn't sound that unreasonable to me.

He wants his surname and you to come up with a first name together? Is that right?

Yeah, big fucking deal women - your bodies can grow new people.

Get over yourselves and accept that having a penis and being a bully is way more important than that.

Sticking uo for yourself and your child makes you a vindictive bitch.

He got you pregnant, so now he owns both you and the baby and you must do as he says

Your daughter's name is the least of your problems.

Nope in 1916 married? Mother's name (same as father's)

Unmarried? Mother's name (not tye same as father's)

How women were tricked into believing it was "traditional" for chikdren to be given a different name from their mother is beyond me.