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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

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28 replies

Melissa0108 · 12/09/2016 14:39

People are going to think that this is absolutely ridiculous, and so do I. I don't know if this is the right thing to be posting it on Baby Names, but after all it is a baby name.Confused

About a year ago me and my mother paid to go see a physic medium. My father died when I was 15, and she told me he was sending a baby boy to me named Stephen. (After my great grandfather) which was really creepy as she could name my father and my great grandfather. She told me this is what my baby boy would be called.

I've never believed in this kind of thing but my mother really does, and she persuaded me to go with her (what a mistake)Sad

I found out a few weeks ago that I'm having a baby boy. I really do not like the name Stephen and It is breaking my heart. My father meant to much to me and I'm scared that I will let him down if I name the baby something else.

I honestly know how ridiculous I sound, but this is something that is really getting to me. I needed to get it out.

Any advice? Or anyone in a similar situationSad

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AnnaMarlowe · 12/09/2016 20:57

Are any of your sisters called Stephanie OP?

Please don't waste your money on more Mediums. Please.

Your Dad wouldn't care what you called your baby.

Your Mum might be upset to start with, but she will get over it.

She isn't going to love the baby less because it's called something else is she?

You need to nip "Baby Stephen" in the bud now though so she has time to get used to it. Get your DH to help.

Original poster
Melissa0108 · 12/09/2016 20:44

Thank you all very much for the replies, it has been so helpful.

My father was not controlling or an angry man, and has never punished me once. Well, maybe a slap on arm for answering backWink

I have previously booked in for more appointments with a different medium to see if I could get through to him to talk to him. But it is never worked and he has never come through. Which makes me think that it all was research used, like PP said. I can't visit his grave as we scattered his ashes in Australia. However I have tried let him know
how I felt when I was alone in a room, and just hope he knows how upset it has made me and hope he is not mad at me. Which he probably wouldn't be.

I was also thinking that it may be because he never had the chance to have his own son to use the name. He had 5 daughters. (Poor guy) GrinBut I never remember him mentioning the name Stephen.

And yes, I am afraid of what my mother would say as she has been referring to the baby as "Baby Stephen", ever since we found out. I cringe and pull a face every time she says it, but don't want to say anything nasty as she is sensitive and really believes In it all. She has spoke about my dad constantly since he passed, and I know how much he means to her. I think because he was supposedly sent from my dad, she is already bonding more with my baby and he isn't even here yet. She is so much more happy and excited than she was for any of my sisters babies. ( Which also was all girls)Hmm

OP posts:
0pti0na1 · 12/09/2016 19:45

You do not have to be obedient to the "medium"'s guesswork.

Choose a name you like and put this behind you.

OhHolyFuck · 12/09/2016 17:21

What about a variant you don't hate so much? Stefan? Or Etienne?

SmallBee · 12/09/2016 17:12

Agreed that you can't call home Stephen based on the word of a medium.

Try thinking of it like this,if he was still alive and wanted him to be called Stephen, would you do it or would you tell him politely that it wasn't a name you liked?

allthecarbs · 12/09/2016 16:52

I don't think your dad would want you to use a name you hate?

I don't believe that mediums have any sort of ability whatsoever (apart from being good at reading body language, I'll give them that) so I would ignore it and choose a name you and dh like.

Canyouforgiveher · 12/09/2016 16:49

If your dad was alive would he be the kind of person who would want to impose a name on you?

Was your dad the kind of man who would punish you for not using a name?

If your dad was alive and suggested "Stephen" as a name and your dh said "sorry but I really don't like it" would your dad have gotten upset?

My guess is the answer to those three question is a resounding NO. You don't have to call your child anything you don't like. You are not letting anyone down by chosing your own name.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 12/09/2016 16:45

It's yours and your DPs baby, only you can decide. I have used that name as a middle name for my DS due to a family link, but wouldn't use it as a first name.
I do understand how difficult generally it is choosing a name you both like enough to give it to a child which they are likely to have for the rest of their lives.

Heebiejeebie · 12/09/2016 16:38

Are you worried about what your mum will say if you don't use the name?

finova · 12/09/2016 16:32

2nd middle name. That's exactly what I did with that very name. Similar reasons but no medium involved!

MidMay · 12/09/2016 16:30

How about using your father's name instead OP?

harderandharder2breathe · 12/09/2016 16:25

Neither of you like the name. Your dad would want you to be happy and would be thrilled to have a healthy happy grandchild. He wouldn't want you agonising over this, even if you believe it came from him.

I like the PP suggestion of going somewhere to talk to your dad to help you make peace with the idea

HairsprayBabe · 12/09/2016 15:24

I am going to ignore the medium stuff and focus on the name.

If it means that much to you try it as a middle name? As PP said there are variations that you could have.

BIL is a Stephen, and I think it's a good name, it passes the artist, builder, lawyer test too (Stee, Steve, Stephen) so can grow with a child.

But you do have to agree on it with DH so I really haven't been any help!

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 12/09/2016 15:21

Agree (mostly) with anna

I did however not let dh name one of our children Ace Hmm

So if dh truly hates it i think you should try and move on

CocoLoco87 · 12/09/2016 15:19

You both need to be happy with it!! Could be a middle name, has a lovely meaning - crown. Could you use a variation of Stephen as a middle name? Say Estefan, Etienne, Stefano, Stefanos? My DH is Mediterranean so easier to get away with these names for our DC.

AnnaMarlowe · 12/09/2016 15:17

Melissa but you need to acknowledge his feelings too.

His wife (and MIL?) are potentially trying to emotionally blackmail him into using a name for his child that neither he nor you like just because a lying stranger said so.

The rule is that both parents have to agree on any name.

If your dear Dad was alive he wouldn't get a say in the name would he?

I'm sorry to be blunt when you are pregnant and obviously emotional but this is your DH's son before your Dad's grandson. He gets a veto if he doesn't like the name.

And I can well understand that he is furious that you and your Mum are being exploited in your grief.

BertrandRussell · 12/09/2016 15:10

She was a charlatan. Honestly-mediums don't exist.

If you believe in the afterlife, do you really think your father would want you to be upset about this? If he wouldn't have made q fuss about it when he was alive, why would he after he died? And if he would have made a fuss about it when he was alive, then he's not the sort of person you want to name your precious baby after.

averylongtimeago · 12/09/2016 15:10

If you want to use a name because you want to remember your dad, fine, even if it's as a middle name because you are not that keen on it.
If you are only considering it because some so-called medium told you ....then don't.

Gazelda · 12/09/2016 15:09

Can you visit your DF's grave, or somewhere special to you two and 'talk' to him? Tell him you love him and miss him and you have this dilemma. Tell him your DH is against the name, and there are others that as a couple you both like. Tell him you hope he's not offended that you haven't used the name the medium suggested he'd like you to, but that you're sure he'll understand.
Maybe say you'll raise a secret glass to 'Grandad Stephen' on your DS's first Christmas.
Then put it behind you. Honestly, you cannot give a child a name neither you or DH like on the say so of a medium.

Original poster
Melissa0108 · 12/09/2016 15:03

Using Stephen as a middle name was the first thing I suggested to DH. He hates the name. He said that I am pathetic and ridiculous for even considering using the name at all, "just because some lady told me to"Sad He is really against Mediums and didn't want me to go in the first place, so I do understand why he won't even consider. He doesn't even seem to be bothered about the way it's making me feel because he is so against it. He won't even acknowledge my feelings.

OP posts:
AnnaMarlowe · 12/09/2016 14:54

You don't have to use Stephen as a middle name because some stranger said so.

Don't use it at all if you don't like it.

PotatoBread · 12/09/2016 14:52

Agree with others - use Stephen as a middle name.

puckercup · 12/09/2016 14:49

Agreed about having it as a middle name. Your father would want you to be happy.

As a side note, if you booked the appointment in advance (as opposed to just showing up at his/her door), the "medium" very likely went through all your details before the meeting, including your family trees (it's all available online). Just something to think about if you're feeling skeptical.

AnnaMarlowe · 12/09/2016 14:48

A good father loves his children and wants them to be happy and well.

I bet your lovely Dad is up there somewhere raging at because of some Charlatan his darling daughter is spending her pregnancy worried about whether she should use a name she dislikes instead of happily looking forward to her baby.

Your Dad wouldn't want you to be worried and distressed.
He won't give two hoots what the baby is called.
He'd just want you to be happy and healthy.

Use the name you and DH like best.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 12/09/2016 14:45

Its not silly

I doubt very much that your father would want you to be unhappy over this

Would having it as a middle name or a 2nd middle name be an option for you

My mother was called Anne and that is my daughters middle name

My mum could have visited me personally and i still wouldnt give it to my daughter as a first name Smile

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