Am I stepping over a line using a name for my baby that my sister in law has asked me not to ?!

Also, you using it doesn't mean they can't - it's not as though you're actually taking something from them or preventing them from doing something.

You are absolutely entitled to use it - but I don't think a decent person would. It's the little things that make us that wee bit more human.

Good heavens, of course you can use it. If she was pg or ttc with this chap right now then no, you couldn't. But she isn't. I can't imagine ever telling anyone they couldn't use my late dad's name (which is a pretty common name) for the child that I may or may not have at some unspecified time in the future. And are any of her DP's siblings not allowed to use their dad's name? You just can't own a name like that.

However, it's not for you to resolve, she's your DH's sister so he can speak to her about it.

You said "since we started having children 10 years ago"- was this a typo or how many children have you got and what sex are they?

In these specific circumstances you would be unreasonable to use the name.

I lost my mother when I was very small. It's likely that I would have used her name for a dd. As it happens I didn't have any dds but if my SIL had used my mum's name for her dd before I'd got pregnant I would have been upset.

Use it! She's no right to tell you you can't use it, No one owns a name.

No, if she asked me specifically not to, I wouldn't. If they just said they were thinking about using it I would say "oh that's a coincidence, it's been on our list for years too!".

I know what it's like to not be able to agree on anything or feel like there's only one name in the whole world that you want to use, but this would be really hurtful and unnecessary.

You have every right to use the name, but I wouldn't personally. It would just end up with bad feeling around it and I wouldn't want that sort of negativity floating around my newborn child.

I don't think it would be unreasonable at all. She shouldn't have even asked.

I would go back to her and say, 'I didn't mention it at the time because I wanted to discuss what you had said with my partner but we decided a long time ago that is the name we are using and have been calling our baby in our heads and between us since we found out the sex. It's already the baby's name to us and we really cannot and don't want to change it, sorry'.

Hard one, I think you should of mentioned it when you were speaking with her about names, to use it now after the conversation would come across (to me anyway) as spiteful, although nobody owns a name but you had a conversation about the name but said nothing, now want to use it, so for that It is U

There must be another name you like? I think you'd come across as insensitive and selfish to use it, sorry. It has a lot of sentimental value to them.

Blimey. I do hope people aren't quite as callous in real life as they are on here! Of course you can't use it!

I wouldn't.

It has a special meaning to them.

I'm surprised at all the people saying don't use it. If I had s girl I always wanted to name her after my Nan. However it became popular recently and 3 friends have since used it. As it goes I had 2 boys. I'd never ask someone not to use a name on the off chance I might want to use it. How does your DH feel? If he's ok with it then use it.

If she feels so strongly about the name then maybe you would be jeopardising the whole in law relationship status for the future. Is it really worth it for a name?

It's been on your list for 10 years...

Use it. It's a no brainer.

Yea, definitely unreasonable to.use it these circumstances.

I think it would be cruel to use it

Unless you said immediately that's the name we've already agreed on and do plan to use it as soon as she told you then YABvU

I missed the really quite large space bar twice, sorry

I think you need to,askwhatbherbobjections are to both children having that name?

She's not pg, not planning children, may not even be with her current Dp when she does.

I'm assuming that you picked the name ten years ago and are having the correct sex baby for it.

In which case it's a fair enough choice.

I don't think it is mean or insensitive or spiteful to use it. The sil might not even end up with this bloke anyway.

This is tough, depends in part on whether their relationship is likely to go the distance and how strongly SIL feels about it. DS is named after DH's father who passed away when he was a child, it meant a lot to both of us to use that name and rightly or wrongly I would have been very upset if my Dsis had called my nephew the same name before DS got here!

I think you need to have a conversation with SIL. YANBU that there is no calling "dibs", but it could save you headaches later on. Could you have it as a middle name and use it as the given name? e.g. call baby Emma Alice and call her Alice in day to day?

I think you should use it. You'll regret it if you don't. Especially as you've liked it for so long.

Besides there is no certainty that she'll ever use the name (as this relies on her deciding to have children, having a child of the appropriate sex, having that child with her current partner, still liking the name, etc.)

I don't think I could. Just seems mean and wrong ...