Am I stepping over a line using a name for my baby that my sister in law has asked me not to ?!

I think "basic human decency" is a tad over dramatic in this scenario actually, Bertrand. I generally have quite high levels of human decency when the occasion warrants it, but I don't think this one does really...

It doesn't matter WHY! They had their reasons back then and now they feel differently (and clearly stronger) about using it anyway.

I know several little Charlies (and Leos for that matter) and they are all totally unique and individual as if they'd been named Howard or Zane.

People are not defined by their names.

I think she was wholly unreasonable to mention it and ask you. However you've already had the chance to use it and didn't, so I don't think it meant that much to you..I'd find another name.

You not using it first time round because of your hisband's friend outs a different complexion on things... Sort of...
Her posting on Facebook that she's bagsied the name is plain nuts. There are millions of Leo's around.
If she has one; he'll be called after his grandfather. Your one won't...

There's no reason why you shouldn't use the name. Except kindness, consideration and basic human decency. So if those things don't matter to you.....

I think it's unreasonable for your sil to 'bagsy' a name but considering the sentimental value I would choose another name. The last thing you want with your newborn is negativity.
If you decided not to go with the name Leo because it was DHs friends name and managed to find another name you liked then surely with the circumstances you can do the same on this occasion. It already feels like the name is tainted with potential drama.
Personally I would find another name, not even mention it and bypass any confrontation or fall out. For a name, it just is not worth it. I really hope you and DH find another name you fall in love with. Best of luck X

Different first name, name you want as middle name and decide what you are going to use in a year or so once you know if SIL is going the course with partner.

Why would you want to cause trouble? Don't use it. There will a bad taste hanging over the name if she gets upset.. For goodness sake pick another name.

But you didn't use it first time for a reason that was a lot less important than now?

My sil and husband didn't use their first choice name because a close (non pregnant) friend told her she was planning to use it and it had always been the name she knew she'd use since she was in school. A year down the line they just had a baby and didn't use the name! SIL is really upset about it. Don't know if that helps or not but I'd be tempted to use Leo, you baby is real, hers may not happen, she may have girls, she may end up with someone else

It feels as though my last ability to see my father 'live on'

But that's simply not true. You can still name a son the same... There is no law saying you can't.

Unless it's something really very unusual then the chances are there will be other children with the same name as your offspring somewhere. It really doesn't matter.

Just name your kid whatever you want and dont worry about anyone else.

Use it! They can always call there child the same but don't be upset if/when they do that. What is the name, can you tweak it slightly?

We had a boy ten years ago, and the only reason we didnt use it then was that my husband has a good friend called Leo and thought it would be a bit odd

I think considering your SIL, has asked you not to use the name due to the fact she would want to name any potential child after her DP dead parent and you thought it was weird as your husband had a friend called Leo YABVU. Of course a name is a name nobody has ownership but think it would be a pretty shitty thing to do.

How do you know there not "trying" maybe they are and their having issues and have brushed it off as not tying (we certainly have on many occasions to family) just something to think about as it would be strange to put "dibs" on a name if they weren't.

My father died when I was a child. I always wanted to name my son after him. It was well known that that was the case by friends and family. A very close friend named her son that. I found out when he was born. It hurt and it hurt a lot. It's something that will always hurt. She was free to choose any name she desired but what I found the hardest part to accept is that she didn't tell me that it was a name she was going to consider. It feels as though my last ability to see my father 'live on' was taken. I'm sorry but I think YABU

No one can dictate which names someone can or can't use.

Clear cut. You are pipping her to the post and you get to choose WHATEVER name you like best. For whatever reasons.

But then I'm stubborn and the fact that she's asked me not to would make me want to even more

You didn't use it before, because of your husband's good friend and it might be 'a bit odd'? But you'd consider it now when it absolutely would cause hurt and bad feeling to your husband's sister?

More not mire.

Is this name mire important than your relationship with your sil?

You want it because you like it, whereas your sil wants it because of her bf's sentimental attachment to it. Which is more important?

Again, this is not your problem, your DH can sort it with his sister.

But - she posted in Facebook that she'd bagsied the name? Errr, no you don't, love.

We had a boy ten years ago, and the only reason we didnt use it then was that my husband has a good friend called Leo and thought it would be a bit odd

Even more unreasonable, sorry.

I should add it took my cousin another 10 years to be able to use the name - but was so happy no one else in our large extended family had used (mainly because we all knew and didn't want to cause any hurt when it meant so much to them!)

I don't really see the point in using it. It's only a name and it's going to cause a lot of stress and upset over nothing really. There are plenty of fantastic names out there.

Is this a reverse 🤔