Am I stepping over a line using a name for my baby that my sister in law has asked me not to ?!

So there we go. No biggie.

Regardless of the rights or wrongs of the situation, that would mean that your DS2 would be the cause of upset and tension within the family. Even if SIL and her DP don't stay together long term, the pain might remain and your DS2's birth won't be just remembered as a happy event in your DH's family, but also the reason your SIL fell out with you.

The SIL has ruined the baby naming joy for everyone by staking her claim. It puts the op in a ridiculous lose-lose situation. It's nothing but manipulation.

Having lived with a strongly manipulative person for most of my life the only thing to do is to stick two fingers up and do what you want anyway.

I know this situation is somewhat muddied by the BIL's emotional attachment to the name but really they are powerless in this.

Hilarious that BIL doesn't give a shit anyway

It is utterly ridiculous to suggest that someone can't use a particular name for any reason what so ever. No-one owns a name, and given she has been with this bloke for five minutes, isn't pregnant and doesn't even know if she will have children she is being ridiculous to even suggest that the OP not use a particular name.

Anyone who stopped speaking to a family member over a name which their as yet not conceived and may never be conceived child may or may not be given probably has deeper issues at play and would most likely find another reason to stop speaking to them at some point anyway so I would pay no attention to that kind of threat.

FWIW my MIL was named after a deceased relative. Her grandmother's daughter or something iirc. She hated it. Felt that she somehow was expected to carry the memory of this child who she never knew. Apparently her parents were pressured into giving her the name of this child.

Well done that bloke!

I find it odd that he'd tell her this though... If we ever have kids, I'm desperate to call one after my Dad. Strange that a bloke who has no immediate desire to have kids would have that train of thought at all.
I'll bet she's had a mad figarie and either planted that thought in his head unsolicited, or just appropriated the whole "we'll call our son after dear old Dad" thing herself.

The thing is that there are a lot of names in the world. Using this one will cause somebody upset. Why would you want the naming of your child to upset his aunt?

This is going to sound a bit harsh but unless the SIL is actually pregnant, or even currently ttc it's not reasonable to restrict someone else from using a name. Life is by no means certain and the SIL may never have a boy, she may not stay with her DP. Also, I dislike the implication that by having more than one person use a name it will "devalue" the name somehow.

The SIL has a very good reason to want to use the name for a future child, however her reason for not wanting the OP to use the name comes down to a sense of "ownership" and wanting to protect the uniqueness of the name so that it seems more special within her circle of family and friends.

They may be rock solid , but I have to say if I was having a family portrait done, I'd want a partner of 18 months done in erasable ink...

18 months, Amber, not 2.

No, 18 I think Amber? I'd still consider that a relatively "new" relationship, though.

Elsa It's not being thoughtless, but honest about my viewpoint of a situation.

I am sorry that you have had experiences that have led to your family names being as they are.

To me, there is a huge difference between choosing a deceased relative's name as a middle name, and naming a baby after the relative as a way of the relative living on. Also somebody choosing a name to commemorate a relative is very different to that naming been given to them. The situations you described, are different to the one I was discussing.

I genuinely don't understand why somebody would choose to name their child after a deceased relative, because having been in that situation, and having had a number of people expect me to do it, I just don't understand the thinking. The very last thing my comment is is thoughtless. It's something I put a lot of thinking into, and I can't get my head around it.

Hang on, just saw the fact she has been with partner for two months. Use it.

I wouldn't, if only for the sentimentality it has to them. That coupled with the fact she has specifically asked you not to, would make it a bit of a dick move. May have been different if you'd spoken up at the time she mentioned it, but now... No.

I do empathise, I found it so hard to agree with DH on a name (going through it again now with a kitten), but surely you can find another name?

Call your baby Leo. Have Leon or Leonardo or something on the birth cert and if they have a boy later down the line they can still call it Leo and they could just refer to your Leo as the full version perhaps?
I definitely don't think it's about being cruel. My sibling's kids have the same names as other close members of the family but no one has said a word.

This is your husband's sister. She just can't use the same name as one of your DCs, so if you do name your DS Leo, then she would be unable to use it and her DP wouldn't be able to name his DS after his dad.

Regardless of the rights or wrongs of the situation, that would mean that your DS2 would be the cause of upset and tension within the family. Even if SIL and her DP don't stay together long term, the pain might remain and your DS2's birth won't be just remembered as a happy event in your DH's family, but also the reason your SIL fell out with you.

Don't do that over a name that doesn't matter enough for you to not call it your DS1 as you had a friend with the name.

Would Leon work? Pop over to 'baby names' and say "I like Leo and [DC1's name] but can't use either, what would you suggest?" and see what other ideas they come up with.

Don't give your DS a name that will cause conflict.

Husband's sister's partner (of 18 months), 2kids. No relationship to op at all, really.

Try to imagine how you will feel in 5 years.

You will still know SIL in 5 years, because she is family.

Will you feel upset and resentful if your 5 year old has the "wrong" name?

Or will you get over it?

Will you and her have a difficult and strained relationship if you do use the name?

Or will she get over it?

If neither of you would get over it, which scenario is worse, in your opinion?

Can't workout how you are related to this sister-in-law. She can't be your brother's wife/partner, otherwise the deceased father would be your deceased father too. And she can't be your husband's sister, otherwise that would be your deceased FIL.

Just a bit mixed up here. Or have I misread something? I'm not the sharpest knife in the box, I'm afraid.

It's not precious - to whoever said my point was precious.

Meeting random man in Joe Public with your Dear Departed Dad's name is way different from having a new Family Child with that name, but it's not your son.

What about Leon?

I wouldn't do this to
My sister in law, it's cruel.
If you do it, don't expect her to speak to you. Surely there's another name?!?

I really don't understand why people feel the need to name children after deceased relatives. Babies are real people, not little memorials to those who have died. They should be allowed to be themselves, and not little tributes to somebody else. Why can't the deceased person be remembered for who they were, and this new little person be whoever they are?

If you really don't understand it then don't make comments like that.

That statement is thoughtless at best and has the potential to hurt a lot of people who have named their children after their loved ones.

I gave two of my children their brother and sisters names as middle names, one of my children has also changed his name and chosen to commemorate his brother in his name too, I fully understand my children are real people and not 'little tributes' thanks very much.