Am I stepping over a line using a name for my baby that my sister in law has asked me not to ?!

Have you considered Theo?

So many names. I wouldn't do it. Middle name fine, but again there are so many names!!

I think it's far weirder for the SIL to be so set on the name, actually... It's not actually her Dad, and her partner seems oblivious...

I think it's a bit weird of you to be so set on this name.

Oh sorry, no idea where I got 2 from!!

My DM and her sister named their DS the same first name (which was a family name and shared by their Dad also, who was very much alive at the time!). When it isn't clear which one is being spoken about they just get called FirstandSecondname eg. Billy Bob and Billy Joe. As far as I'm aware it was never an issue between the sisters.

Its never even occurred to me as being weird, because that is just what my brother and my cousin are called (can't imagine them with different names!!).

That said, and it clearly isn't the case here, but if anyone I was close to chose my late DM's name for their DC I think I'd find it jarring to keep hearing it, as even years later the pain of losing her is very raw. Hopefully if it actually happened though I would get used to it after the first few times of hearing it and think of it as the child's name rather than my DM's, if that makes sense. I'd never demand people didn't use it, but I might think they were a bit insensitive if they hadn't mentioned it to me beforehand.

If SIL's DP really doesn't mind, then I'd talk to her again and explain you are probably going to use the name (with his go ahead) as you already had your hearts set on it, but that you understand if they do ever had a DS it's likely they will share the name. Although I wouldn't give up looking for an alternative, because I do think it would be more simple if you did have another name you loved just as much that you could use.

One other thing... are you sure you haven't fixated on this as being the one perfect name precisely beacuse you've been told you 'can't' have it? Because I can imagine myself doing just that

Sorry 'does her partner'

I think your sister in law is a loon to have put that on FB and also unfortunately after the conversation you've had with her partner may look a bit of a fantasist. You really have to deal in the here and now. Her situation is not at all certain and I don't think you'd be unreasonable to use the name. Does her neither have another relative who might 'bagsy' it in the meantime?! Crazy. But I'd probably be put off Leo now given the shenanigans.

Despite the BIL not seeming to mind (and he might have been taken aback and under-reacted) I wouldn't use the name of a deceased parent of another branch of the family for my child. But probably having lost my DH affects my opinion on that. 2 reasons:
1/ I'd respect the fact that the child of the late parent may well want to use that name, and I think first cousins with the same name is awkward.
2/ The 'Leo' of my family gets spoken about at lots of family gatherings, and I think it would be uncomfortable for a child with the same name, unless they were actually named after him IYSWiM. I know that other families have different dynamics and might not mix with the bereaved family branch, but in case you do in future I'd avoid that name.

Mmmm I don't know...if it was a very popular name like Harry or Oliver then you could put it down to coincidence but Leo is still sort of 'special'...I would probably be upset but at the end of the day, you can name your child whatever you choose.

Saying that, I want to name my first son after my late gramps (it's not a wildly popular name, admittedly!) and my cousin on the other side of the family had the name in his shortlist. I didn't say anything, just hoped he wouldn't use it. He didn't and I was extremely relieved so I'm inclined to say that perhaps you could try and choose a different name?

I know a family where DS had a son and called him Ben.... 12 years later the DB had a son and called him Ben. The granny has Big Ben and little Ben !!!!!

So your DH's parents might possibly have 2 grandsons in the future, both called Leo? Mmm. I'd choose another name; there are lots to choose from and his choice of Leo would be for sentimental reasons which you don't have. I think it would be selfish to call your son Leo when there are so many other names you could give him (and I don't see that having Leonard on the birth certificate makes a difference).

Friends of ours announced the arrival of their new baby. It's the first time we heard they had used the same name as our Dd and I think that was pretty rude of them tbh.

I see you've sorted it with the DP but I don't understand how naming your child Leonard and calling him Leo is any different to just naming him Leo

Thanks for the update op, Leo is a lovely name and was going to call our son that, however we had two girls

No-one 'bagsys' a name and she is being unreasonable to apply emotional pressure on you. You have the baby and you get to call it what you like. She then has the choice what to call her baby if and when she has one.

Oh and just to add, a close friend had a baby boy 2 years after my Harry and she rang me to ask if I minded her using the name too. I didn't mind one bit, but loved her for thinking of asking. In fact, my Harry loves hanging out with 'baby Harry' these days (although they're both boys now!)

As its Leo, I think I would use it (I know 4). If SIL's partner isn't too bothered then there's your answer.

If it was a really unusual name I'd have maybe thought differently.

We have a Harry after a much loved grandparent. The fact there's lots of other Harry's around is just immaterial to us.

He was totally fine and seemed genuinely shocked that i'd even asked. He said that if he ever had a son he'd call is Leo regardless

Problem solved.

New problem revealed: SIL. But that's a whole new thread.

It does look spiteful because it is. You wouldn't use the name because it was a friends but will when asked not to for a deceased parent. Dress it up how you like it matters to SiL so you aren't choosing a name you are choosing to disregard her wishes.

Very silly of the poster to compare her friend using the same name as she wanted to a family member using it.

I think the best way to deal with this has passed, for example if it was John.

"Please don't call the baby John it's DP's deceased father and we want to use it"

"Im so sorry we chose John a long time ago I know it's an awful coincidence it's been our name choice for 10 years"

Now you need to have the same conversation and just explain that you were embarrassed to say anything at the time and hope it doesn't look spiteful