Help - wife has already decided a name I don't like

Awesome news. Good luck with everything x

Is she on MN?

I was desperate for a name that my husband didn't like it. We found another. She's our daughter and he's involved.

"Sorry, are some posters actually suggesting that if the mother is the primary career she gets to choose the name, even if her spouse hates it? What a crock of shit. A compromise needs to be made."

Er no, I think there has been one post out of 35 which has suggested that OP choose the middle name. The rest have unanimously supported the OP.

I wasn't suggesting that at all RiverTam and none of the posts imply that to me. They all seem to be about trying to compromise.

YANBU.

What is the name? And what are the marriage issues? This sounds like it's one of those arguments that isn't really about what it's officially about, if you see what I mean.

Sorry, are some posters actually suggesting that if the mother is the primary career she gets to choose the name, even if her spouse hates it? What a crock of shit. A compromise needs to be made.

It's hard to judge especially without knowing all your issues and hers. Is this your first or second child? Is the name really strange or horrible? Maybe you just need to give her a bit more space to try to change her mind. We women get funny when pregnant and especially so close to the birth. You two should compromise but do it in a relaxed way at this critical time if possible

I told my DP that I had a first and middle name I would really like to use if we had a girl , basically the first name was my birth mothers favourite flower (she died in childbirth) and my adoptive mums name as a middle name. Adoptive mum has also since passed away.

DP not keen in the first name, he understands the middle name is really important to me though and says he'd be happy with that. I'd still love my choice of first name, as it is really meaningful to me, however I also wouldn't go ahead a pick a name he actively didn't like, so I've had to give up on that little idea.

Your wife does seem to be being unfair and unreasonable. Hav you tried talking to her about it in a relaxed way, just asking why she is so set on that name, whether there's any way you could compromise, explained your issue with the name she has chosen etc?

We went through lists of names - until we found one we both agreed on - with the other suggestion as a a second name - (his pick was first)

Second baby - mine choice was first with his pick second - both names we both liked -

I think you do need to agree with a bit of compromise

Lemon the mother, whether married or not, has the final say legally about a child's name.

RainbowJack my thoughts exactly.

Choosing and using a name that you dislike prior to the baby's arrival is very unreasonable. It is highly likely that after watching her give birth you would have thought she deserves the final say on the name, but to pick one you clearly are very anti is not on.

What are is the name? Is there anything similar you could suggest?

It appears though that this could prove to be the straw that breaks the camels back, from what you've said though.

YANBU, of course. I'd have some sympathy, though, if she'd chosen a name for a very strong reason - e.g. if it was the name of a recently deceased parent.

YANBU, that's incredibly unfair of her.

How would she feel if you went and reigstered the baby in a name she hates, before she even has the chance to register the baby. As you are married it is a possibility, not suggesting you do it. But mention it t oher as a sign of how unreasonable she is being.

Maybe she does it to wind you up?
I really hope she does not seriously consider a name you as the father would not like. If she insists, as a compromise, could the baby have a second name you choose by which you call the child then. I hope it all resolves amicably!!!!

Could you come up with a compromise? for example the name she likes could be a middle name and you think of a new first name you both love together? Could you ask her what it is about it that she loves and maybe think about other names that are similar or have the same feeling/meaning to her? I hope you can work this out. BTW I think she is really being unfair to have picked a name and has decided to use it despite the fact you really don't like it. I'm sorry for you.

I'm currently pregnant with our third and tempted to decide myself as my own husband is fussy to the absolute extreme. It's bloody ridiculous. Saying that I wouldn't insist on using a name he hated.

I am guessing though that you have contributed some suggestions and tried to come to a compromise?

I'm so sad for you, that's a terrible situation. I hope you can work through it.

We've had some marriage problems in the past and I now feel like my wife is more selfish than I ever realised. Feels like this could be the last straw.

Maybe she sees herself becoming the primary parent of the child and thus has given the child a name she prefers and isn't interested in compromising.

I think vetorights are something both partners should have...

However, you say you have already had marital problems. Maybe there is something different going on here?
It is obviously possible that your wife is simply very selfish.
But in many cases it needs 2 to tango. So, whatever the issue is, maybe marriage counselling may help you two?
Or asking her why she is dong this?

But no, wanting a name both parents gree on is not selfish. It's normal, imo. However, sometimes compromise is the best solution.

My DH was very insistent on a name for our first that I wasn't 100% sure on. I gave in, because I knew it was important to him (it was a family name) and the name I wanted I didn't feel strongly about. DH's choice of name grew on me, and I really love it now. With our second child, the name just came to me, and although DH wasn't sold on it, he didn't have an alternative that he felt strongly about, so he gave in. In both cases we gave our children middle names that the other party wanted IYSWIM.

I think you DW is being unreasonable, but sometimes we do things for our partners anyway.

At the end of the day, a name is just a name. I suggest you really think about it and why you don't like it and if you have a better alternative. Also, is her insistence / your reluctance really about the name, could it be something else, ie. symbolic for your relationship / how you decide things? Make sure that the importance you attach to this name is real.

No that's not fair. Yanbu if it was aibu

This was us. I had
My heart set on a name an DH hated it. He tried to like it, I cried alot. But in the end, we called him a compromise because that's what's fair. I didn't like it don't get me wrong, but it's our child. We both have a say in its upbringing.

She is being totally unreasonable. Show her this thread. What she is doing is vile