Ex wants daughter to have an African name

What about virtue names grace, hope, honour. Or primrose I don't know if it's African but the only primrose I know was African

Nalah Elizabeth Atinuke Brown.

Go with that. Don't be railroaded by an ex into giving your DD his surname, give her your surname (and the fact that it will match her brothers is a happy coincidence).

You're not married. I assume you'll be the resident paren, so definitely your name.

I think if you were feeling very generous, you could consider adding his surname as an additional middle name, but definitely your surname.

Don't give her his surname - you're not with him, you and your other kids are all Brown, that's a no brainer. He can either choose an African first name or use his mum's name as a middle name I would say. Certainly don't let him choose al the names!

Use your surname. Do not compromise on this. You can register the baby yourself, and you don't even need him on the birth cert. Using his surname would cause endless difficulties, and would also make it easier for him to abduct her.

Nahla Elizabeth Brown sounds fine to me. Tell him you are being very generous and using Atinuke as second middle name after Elizabeth if you end up doing this.

You are going to have to do a lot of standing up to this man by the sound of things, as the years go on. Do not seek to demonstrate to him that you are willing to compromise. He will walk all over you. Instead, try to take back control and show him you are the boss. If he keeps on campaigning for his version of compromise (LOL) tell him you are sorry he feels that way but your mind is made up. Don't continue to argue with him. Keep on saying your mind is made up.

I think the bullying is central to this and I think the name is incidental -- it's just something handy he can use to make himself feel powerful by kicking the OP around with it. There will be other parenting choices he will try to get his own way with too. So practice now OP, with the sort of wording that says 'I am in charge'.

I would not use his surname at all.

I agree, use your surname. Put his in there as a second middle name. As Kewcumber says.

SO many people on MN report that they regret giving their child the surname of a non-resident Dad.

Another vote for Nalah Elizabeth Atinuke Brown

Definately use brown as the surname, it's a nightmare trying to travel with a child with a different surname. He's an ex for a very obvious reason.

Your choice!!!
He is your X

Howevrr lily and niamh are two ver white choices somehow. Niamh is irish. Lily has white hanging in the air after it. But you should choose. Most black people dont have african mames so your child will not feel robbbed of half her culture if she doesnt have an african name

If you are separated and likely to remain so, give her your surname. She will then have the same surname as everyone she lives with. Daft to consider giving her his surname just because that is what people did in the past. Plenty of unmarried mums give their children their surname.

I would try and reach a compromise on the first name, and chose a middle name each. Nalah is very pretty, do you both feel happy with the choice given that it is neither English nor Nigerian though?

If she will grow up in a rural English area speaking English as her first language and living primarily with her English relatives, then I would find it odd to give her a Nigerian first name tbh. Choosing an English name that would 'work' in Nigeria too makes more sense- there are lots of English names used in Nigeria, either as Christian names or nicknames. A traditional Nigerian middle name would be a good acknowledgement of that side of her heritage.

You are carrying this baby, delivering her and will do the lions share of caring for her as a newborn. He doesn't get to overrule you! A compromise is best, but if he won't compromise I would make a reasonable decision yourself and register her with that name.

Bit off topic here but I teach many Nigerian students, and most of them are known by an English name even thought that's not the name on the register.

FWIW I think that you should call your baby what you want to call her. Not only because you are going through pregnancy and birth on your own, but also because you will always be in her life, your ex might not!

My son and I have different surnames on our passports. I have travelled abroad alone with him, no questions asked.

My DS has Slightly unusual foreign name, English name, my surname, DP surname, no hyphen. I take him to appointments as DS My surname, his other grandparents use other name. Both on passport. No issues so far

Your surname for sure. Ive heard of where there's one kid with a different surname it can cause all sorts of problems, whether going on holiday and customs or just the child feeling different from siblings.

Not double barrelled just his name in the middle like the Spanish do with mothers surname father surname

I think the bullying is a red herring. But I would not give one child out of a family of 4 a different surname particularly if you are the resident parent - it's way easier having the same surname.

How about Nahla Elizabeth Hisname Brown?

Loads of kids have two middle names.

It's lovely to have mixed heritage names and/or names that work well in two cultures.

However, what I find odd in our op is that your ex wants to choose the first name, the middle name AND the surname. A bit much don't you think. Just state a few options, let him have say, but you veto. If you are not together anymore your DD should have your surname in my opinion.

But Olber, he can't insist on his surname - OP can register her daughter without any input from him if she wants.

Compromise on the middle names if you want to, but def use your surname, why should your DD be the only one in your home with a different name?

Or Nahala Elizabeth Atinuke Brown?

I have two middle names and its not a problem. I think he'd be having his cake and eating if he gets to choose the first and surname. Better for all your kids to have the same surname IMO.

I would give her an English first name, African second name, Brown. Why not call her Elizabeth Atinuke Brown?

I would definitely give your child your surname - better all round for her to have the same surname as the family she lives with.

Nahla Elizabeth Atinuke Yoursurname is a great name.

Nahla Elizabeth Atinuke Brown personally.

That. It's fair.

I have a y5 son and he only
Knows the middle name of a couple of his friends. (He's been in the school since y1)

The sort of names that have made my children snigger are Regina (too close to vagina) , the name Phuc (think it's a middle name) , a child with the initials BJ and people who share a name with a celebrity or teacher. I can't see Atinuke a name that's remotely funny.

I would use
Nahla Elizabeth Atinuke Brown personally.

please dont give her his surname. Youre not together, youre not married. It will cause countless issues if you want to travel with her and you have different surnames.

Whatever the hell first name you want to give her, you need to give her your own surname. He needs to back off. Its admirable to want to stay civil, but it sounds like youre bending over backwards and he sounds very controlling

Definitely choose her names. What's he going to do if you don't give her an African name? My DD has my XPs surname and he wouldn't compromise on the first name I liked. And I regret not sticking to my guns by giving her the name I lik and my surname.

He has no say now that you are separated