Still not happy with name

luckymummy, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. Violet is a beautiful name. You chose well.
I know that when people say that it doesn't makec much difference though.
I fretted and obsessed over DD's name for over a year. I ended up in counseling and was told it was postnatal anxiety. The counseling really helped. In hindsight my anxieties were tied up in the effects of DD's difficult birth too. It's interesting to read what peachypips said about name anxieties being quite common with postnatal anxiety. If you do think there are other underlying issues, make sure you seek help if you need it x

I think sometimes the names we choose seem a bit formal for a tiny baby, that's how I felt with my dd's name, perhaps Violet is similar? I called her all manner of nicknames as a small baby (Lettie, Vi?) but over time, the full name crept back in so now it doesn't seem odd at all. Full names are often 'too much' for babies but very babyish names are not so great on older children- which is why nicknames often endure, I guess!

Just want to point out that, as a pp pointed out, if you change her name (up to a year) the new name does appear on the birth certificate but her old name will also still show on the long certificate so she will, as with a change of name deed, know her name was changed. Not a problem but worth knowing.
Lots of people do it and it is an extremely easy process up to one year after the original birth registration.
Violet is lovely btw

I think you are finding it hard to think straight because your Dd is now Violet and that is what she is known as. Try and imagine baby hasn't arrived yet, would you like the name Violet or is there a name you prefer.

If you would make the same name choice again then I would put a line under it and stop thinking about it. The overthinking may be more of an issue than the name.

If however you wouldn't choose Violet if you could go back in time, then I would definitely change it now. I think all the uncertainty surrounding the name has to be addressed one way or another now.

My dd2 name is considered marmite like and I had doubts in the beginning as to whether it was too strong for a baby and I'd hear sweet pretty names and think have I made a mistake. But babies are babies for a very short time and my little girl has grown into her name. Can you maybe imagine your dd as a child/teenager Violet?

If you really hate it, then you need to change it while you still have the chance OP. Your DD is young enough and all your friends/family will just have to adapt. You will just have to matter of a factly say 'this is xxx' now and have no further mention of her previous name.

Personally, I love my son's name and couldn't have called him anything else. That's why I think it's so important that you have a name you love for your child.

If you decide to keep Violet, then maybe think about some counselling as that could help.

We had some naming anxiety with dd, mainly I think because we were convinced she was a boy and spent months thinking of potential boys names before settling on one we loved. And then she was a girl and so she got the girl's name we had lined up for ds 16mths before. She had a difficult birth too which didn't help but for the first few weeks we weren't at all sure about the name.

She is 14 now and we still mostly call her nicknames, but now it's just from affection, and she uses her full name for school and other official things.

Nothing wrong with using a nickname! Nicknames are great :) Especially with a name that perhaps sounds a bit too grown up for now (which might be where Baby Violet comes from) but will grow up with her really nicely, better than many of the more cutsie names around at the moment.

I have a two year old who I call a different name every second day! I regret the name I gave her and call her by her middle name. However now her middle name has soared in popularity and that puts me off it. To be honest if I could go back and re-name her I'd choose something entirely different from both her first and middle names. I wonder too will I ever feel happy about her names. Our families refuse to call her anything except her given names, we sound like idiots when we call her the middle name in front of them. I have t make up my mind soon though for once and for all. At the moment she answers to both names but she deserves her own name. If I was you, I'd change it now if you aren't entirely happy with your current choice.

I was never sure about my DD's name n am still not sure - she is 15! Chose it in a fog n shock as she arrived 7 weeks early. I do like it, I just don't love it although I love her beyond words. She suits it I suppose n she likes it n it's a bit late to try n change it now lol. But it has just never seemed special n sparkly enough for my beautiful girl?

I think Violet is a lovely, cool name but if u don't feel the same then change it, OP. Don't feel bad, just get reading those baby name books for an alternative n do it as soon as u can. The only other choice is to actively close the chapter mentally, stick with Violet n work hard on turning ur view on it in to a positive one.

for u, I kno it's not easy.

I think the name is beautiful - it was on my list too. But that's not the point; you are distressed about it.

Have you thought about trying to imagine and focus on the wider connotations of the name Violet?

It makes me think of beautiful, fragrant wild flowers, Parma Violet sweets, Creme de Violette liqueur, old fashioned posies that were given as a symbol of love etc.

There's a very beautiful variety of violet flower called 'Freckles' that I love- have a Google. Maybe you could plant a few violets in your garden and see how that goes? The white ones will naturalise over time.

Violet is a beautiful name, it would certainly be on my list if I was having a DD. I too had terrible anxiety about my DS2 name, we switched it when he was 3/4 weeks old and then even changed his middle name when he was christened too. It was an awful time, I obsessed about whether I'd made the right choice daily ... it really took over at the time and it was ALL I could think about which took my focus away from my gorgeous son ... which makes me angry now. I'd say it was after about 8/9 months that I started to feel better about things, please do DM me if you need to

Violet is lovely. It's on my list for if my baby's a girl.

The nick name thing is interesting... My parents gave me and my twin some really unusual (at the the time - mine is now top ten) names, which got shortened pretty quickly by our older sister! I had my nick name until midway through high school. Now it's just my family and my oldest friend (who I've known since I was 3) who call me by my old Nick name.

I wouldn't change my name for anything in the world. The fact it was unusual was tough in some respects (never had anything with my name on when I was a kid!) But in others - I was rarely forgotten as a child - it's great. I find it a bit annoying that it's become a top ten name now, but then again it's a lovely name so why shouldn't it come round again in fashion! I couldn't take my husband's name though when we got married - his cousin has a little girl with my first name and middle name so I'd completely have lost my uniqueness!!!

I think if you can't find a name you like more, and like the nick name then you should use the nick name. There are hundreds of little Lizzys and kates who may never use Elizabeth or Katherine as they get older - no one blinks a eye about that. Lettie, is lovely for a little girl or an adult! She can use violet if she wants to as she gets older. It is a lovely lovely name. You did good choosing it!!!

People will have stupid, pointless things to say about almost any name if you try it..
ie. a dogs name, cats name, dead princesses name etc etc... Violet is stunning.
You have posted a lot about this though so Id try and shake yourself up- get used to it and every time a negative thought comes into your head push it away. Put it in a box. Don't indulge it and Id have to say, don't post here again as it makes it even more of an issue for you by indulging it and dewlling. If its still the same in 2 months then change it you cant keep this going, your poor DD.

I've spoken to you about this before, I think, under a different username. I think Lettie is a gorgeous nickname. I am really interested to hear name regret is common in post natal anxiety, as that's definitely what I suffered from. It helped me calling my little boy Lenny as a nickname and now he's nearly two I actually can say I like his name, Leon. It's taken me a while to get there but I am now.

I think when you get past this, whether you change her name or not (I don't think you should, I love Violet and Lettie as a nn) you will be surprised at how little it seems to matter once you're over the anxiety. I think it's the responsibility of having to make such a big decision - if she'd come to you already called Violet, you'd love it because it's her

Would it help to try and think of the name as her name, not as a name you have given her?

I know that might sound weird but DD's name was chosen by DP and I liked the long version, but didn't really think about the short version, even though I knew we'd call her that. So quite honestly it's not a name I ever imagined calling any DD's, and every now and again I think hmm, that's not the prettiest/loveliest/most interesting name, is it? In the short version it's not a name that is going to make people ooh and ahhh and make many comments. But it is her name, and it suits her.

Somehow I prefer that she has this name that has come with no baggage or strong ideas for me.

Does that make any sense?

Fwiw, Violet is a lovely name and I think Lettie is a fantastic nickname. I very rarely use DD's full name, so you really don't have to on a day to day basis.

I have similar wobbles over DS' name at 9 months. I wouldn't change it though, DP is happy with the name and I can't think of an alternative. Plus I can just picture myself finding it really stressful settling on another name then explaining to people what I'd done. It's interesting to hear that this can be associated with post natal anxiety - I did find the first few months quite tough emotionally.

I gave DS a top 5 name that I'd loved even before pregnancy, then DP announced it to everyone when DS was born without double checking with me - so I suddenly felt like I couldn't reconsider and a bit trapped with the name. I came on mumsnet for reassurance and only about 1/20 responses liked the name we chose, everyone else said it was too common! I never got much of a reaction on the name from family either, which made me think they didn't like it. Can you tell I worry too much about what other people think? It's always been a problem of mine.

On the other hand, I read this board quite regularly and dislike the majority of names that come up. I also didn't much like the names my friends gave their kids at first - but now I do and can't imagine them called anything else. Maybe I just dont like ALL THE NAMES?

interestingly sycamore i changed his name precisely BECAUSE he is a person and not a possession! the original name was one i absolutely loved but would have been a nightmare to live with, the new one is just 'normal'. I think it is hard to imagine you are naming a real person until it happens.

If you did change it what about a similar name, like Vivienne (pn Vivi-En) would that make it easier?

I think Violet is lovely too.

My friend named her DD Violet 10 years ago, (ahead of the curve) and she got lots of negative comments.

My phone auto-corrects it to 'violent' but other than that everyone is used to it and loves it!

Could you give her another first name? But keep violet as the second name or a middle name, so when she asks as she will at some stage, you haven't completely jettisoned it?

Interesting that people fixate on sleep, feeding and names. I regretted not giving DS his saint's day name, esp as one if my cousins has the same two names. But DH thought four was too many...... No.... I could have given him twenty....

Pretty easy to change at this stage.

What do you think she is like, now? I mean, some babies just do not suit their names at all... I knew a Serena who was the reverse of serene, a Grace who as a child was the clumsiest person ever ( may be graceful now).

Is she twinkly and star like, in which case Stella?

Is she your cuddly little bear, in which case Ursula?

Or with beautiful white skin, so Blanche?

Or tawny, so Leonie?

Or a lovely other flower, like Rose?

Mind you, DS screamed so loudly that the road called him Pavarotti..you could hear him from the far end, so these things shouldn't be pushed too far.

I think Violet is a brilliant name. Maybe shorten it to Lettie?

Apart from the name anxiety, how are you? Are you feeling OK in yourself?