Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

AIBU to consider this name?

59 replies

HamFace · 11/06/2015 18:39

Too wimpy to post in actual AIBU but...

DH and I are really struggling to agree on a name for our very soon to arrive DS.

We have one name that we both really like - goes well with our surname and chosen middle name.- top 20ish name but not overly used where we live...all great...except...
A good friend of mine called her DS this who was still born at 24weeks gestation. I've tentatively brought it up with her & she said about how she has no ownership of the name & although she may feel sad it could be sort of nice. But I really don't know if she is just being nice!! Confused I would really hate to upset her & her family, and worry that our mutual friends might think I was a bit of a dick choosing the same name. But I really really like it! I really don't know what to do ð??? so oh wise mumsnet - be brutal...would it be ok and almost 'in honour of' or is it a total no go?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Wishful80smontage · 11/06/2015 19:54

No I would either I'm sorry it would be a no go for me

BagsyThisName · 11/06/2015 19:54

My friend had a late miscarriage and couldn't even look at our colleague who had an older child with this name.

If I was in your place I wouldn't, there often are lots of reasons why we cant pick the names we like.

Shadow1986 · 11/06/2015 19:54

No I couldn't do this. Sorry.

lilivonshtupp · 11/06/2015 19:53

No one owns a name, and your friend has been really sweet about this, but I think I'd find it a tiny bit dickish of someone to choose the name in these circumstances.

Why start a baby's life with baggage already attached to the name? I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole.

Redglitter · 11/06/2015 19:53

I wouldn't. I think it would be very unfair. Every time your friend sees your son it's going to hammer home her loss. If it's fairly recent she's also going to be faced with your son reaching milestones at a similar age as her son would have. Using his name will I'd think make a hard situation even worse.

Could you keep it in reserve incase you have another wee boy in the future?

For this one I'd say definitely find another name

Paddingtonthebear · 11/06/2015 19:53

I wouldn't

TattieHowkerz · 11/06/2015 19:51

Would you use the name if her child had lived?

Original poster
HamFace · 11/06/2015 19:50

We already have a middle name as DH has a 'family name' that gets passed down. It's so hard. I wish we could just find another name we loved as much. ?? thankyou for replying

OP posts:
Lady84 · 11/06/2015 19:40

We had a good friend who had been through this awfulness and DH kept saying that he really likes the name they had but I just didn't feel we could do it- it would make them too sad.

How about using it as the Middle name?