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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Name Regret......?

36 replies

UsedToBeASize10 · 09/02/2015 23:20

Here's the dilemma, in short:

Got one DD. Desperately wanted to use my fave name for her but partner just couldn't get along with it. What we ended up doing was picking something we both thought was ok for her first name, family name in the middle and THEN my choice as the second middle name. At the time, this seemed ok. I was afraid there might never be and more DD's and consoled myself with the idea that, well, at least it had been used somewhere.

Current situation = just given birth to DD2. I think you can guess where I am going with this. The name that DD1 has for her second middle name is still my favourite. I have tried exploring 'sound a likes' and names with a nickname potential that's similar. But in my heart of hearts, I know there will always be a pang of regret if I don't use it. I lay awake last night next to unnamed DD2 and explained how I felt. He simply replied - 'Well, that's one of DD1's names, so it's not feasible to use it for DD2.' So,I have half heartlessly announced my alternative but she is not yet registered so I can still change my I mind.....

What I want to know is:
Do you think I can still use it without taking it off DD1's birth certificate?
Will DD1 wonder why she wasn't 'good enough' to have the name in the first place? I know it would bother me.
Has anyone else had this dilemma and if so, what did you do?

It has gotten to the point now where I am avoiding joining mummies groups etc for fear that I will meet a LO with this name and won't be able to stop myself feeling resentful. Yes, it is that bad.

Advice please ??

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Levismum · 10/02/2015 00:41

My first ds has 3 names.
My seconds ds has ds1 3rd name as his first name...hope that makes sense!

Do not compromise if it's causing you this much worry. My dd has a nice name but i wish I'd given her my dream name...

Fuckmath · 10/02/2015 00:40

I think you should use Esme as it sounds like you will regret it if not and really want to use it.

If worried about dd1 having part of her name taken off her then I like the suggestion of calling dd2 "Esme, middlename, dd1 first name " to balance it

Canyouforgiveher · 10/02/2015 00:35

if you give dd2 Esme as a first name, then maybe give her Eliza as a second middle name - so you can tell both girls you liked the idea of them having one linked name? or is that too awful twinny sounding? maybe it is.

My dd1 got my absolute fav name and my dd2 got my second absolute fav name. DD2 is fine with it. I am the second daughter and so I presume I got the second fav name - so glad I did as my sister's name is not one to want.

fizzycolagurlie · 10/02/2015 00:33

I think you can use it. There was a thread on here once where a woman had two DS and they were called something like James Caleb and Caleb James. I kid you not. At least with your DDs the first child has another 2nd name, so its not going to sound so obvious.

I love the name Esme too.

AbbyCadabby · 10/02/2015 00:21

That's usually how it is for the second born child if it's the same sex as the first though, minipie, i.e. He second one gets the second best name as the parents used their favourite on the first child. Certainly if my second turns out to be a boy, he will have our second-choice boy's name as we used our favourite boy's name on our firstborn.

OP, I see no issue with siblings sharing names, especially a second middle name, and especially if the second child's second middle name is the first child's first name - something nice to share.

Effic · 10/02/2015 00:18

Yes you can hear 'lie' as part of Eliza because that group of letters in Eliza makes that sound - it has never occurred to me till you typed it as lie to link it to that!

I think both Ese and Eliza are lovely and agree with other poster that if you make DD2 Eliza something else Esme surname then it will not cause any upset as it follows the pattern of DD1. And you don't need to tell either DD that one is a favoured name! Just that you liked both Esme & Eliza - so you decided as you were lucky enough to have 2 daughters to use them both!

Original poster
UsedToBeASize10 · 10/02/2015 00:07

Names are Esme (my number 1) and Eliza (alternative). A friend of a friend has a little Eliza and I noticed that her nickname was 'Ezzie' which I really liked. It sort of sold it to me. 'For' Eliza, I feel it is ever so slightly less 'of the moment' - more classic maybe - and NOT Twilighty (OH's main concern, aside from the fact that he thought it was just too old ladyish). I just don't know if I love the alternative enough to use it. Being as I HATE the nicknames El/Ellie, I feel I will have to work hard to ensure that Ez/Ezzie is introduced early on and kind of sticks. And honestly, do you hear the word 'lie' very prominently in the name? This is also a concern!

OP posts:
Beyoncescat · 09/02/2015 23:46

My first name is my sisters first middle name. Never a problem.

HaveYouHeardOfGoogle · 09/02/2015 23:40

I say go for it. It sounds like you really love the name and I think you'll regret it if you don't use it.

minipie · 09/02/2015 23:36

I wouldn't be bothered about the fact it's dd1's second middle name. You could give dd2 a second middle name which is dd1's first name so they balance.

However I'd be more worried about the fact you'd be giving dd2 your much loved "dream name" where dd1 only has a name you think is ok. Seems a bit unfair... I know this will seem a bit illogical in some ways but if dd1 only gets an ok name then maybe dd2 should only get an ok name too?

would love to know the names...

reuset · 09/02/2015 23:24

Can you tell us the names? That might help

If you do decide to recycle, then I wouldn't bother to remove the name from your first daughter's birth certificate.