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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Being blackmailed

55 replies

Sleepyhoglet · 14/09/2014 19:51

My mil law has been continually rude about our name choices. She basically said that she will call the baby 'you' if she doesn't like the name we go for. She also keeps mis pronouncing it on purpose. She has now said she will set up a bond for my baby but with a name she wants us to use. If we don't include that name she won't be able to access her bond. I'm really peeved off about thisAngry. She told my dh ANC not me but he didn't tell her it was out of order. We already have a middle name decided so don't want to change or add another. Also our first name ends in an 'a' and do does the name she likes so it sounds stupid.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MimiSunshine · 16/09/2014 07:49

And, of course, you will raise the child to call her Thing
I just roared laughing at that. OP your DH may well be employing the strategy of not rising to her and therefore feeding her drama but he needs to talk to you about so you know you're on the same page.

Tell how it's making you feel and agree you aren't entertaining her idiocy.
But maybe warn him that if she starts on about it, you probably won't be too polite to her in your response so he may want to nip it in the bud now

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 16/09/2014 09:16

I think if she ever says that in front of you again you should fix her with a stern look and say 'I am not quite sure whether you are joking or not, but the first time you call her Thing to her face will be the last time you see her. We will choose a name that we like, and we'd really appreciate it if you could try respect our choice without resorting to silly threats and nasty remarks.'

Although if my son and his GF announced they were going to call their baby something made up, stupidly spelt in order to be Yoo-Nique, or in any way embarrassing or ridiculous I would find it very, very hard to bite my tongue I will be honest.

smellysocksandchickenpox · 16/09/2014 10:57

Hang on, so you have an older DD (with a beautiful name) who she basically bullies/ridicules! SHE is not the biggest problem you have, your OH who doesn't show her the door is!

Italiangreyhound · 17/09/2014 02:15

My auntie disliked both my kids names! She does not feel like that about the kids! I think one relative even wanted to 'do something about that name' but that is, perhaps, older generation people, they may just feel they have the right to comment in a way younger people would not!

I think it is all talk but still very hurtful. It is also sad your dh either doesn't see how upsetting this is for you or does not quite know how to tell his mum what he thinks. Maybe she has used these tactics before, successfully, in the family.

IMHO this is what I would do if I were in your boat (and congratulations because having a new baby on the way is wonderful).

Talk to your dh, it sounds like you are cross at his inability (or unwillingness) to stand up to his mum and support you. Talk to your dh to make sure you are both on the same page about this and then when you next see her just say in a very nice way that we are going to name baby XYZ (if it were me I would also say and we you hope she will be happy etc). Because sometimes people can drive a wedge between couples and it is nice to reinforce that you as a couple have made this decision.

If she mentions bond again I would go with a jokey, "We know you are only joking, no one would really try and persuade their son and daughter in law with these kind of tactics. (and as someone else said "We want you to be the grandma, we don't want your money." Then I would add "If you would like to give your new granddaughter some money we would love it but she won't be able to access it unless you open an account in her name."

If she says she will call baby 'You' then I would smile and say baby won't know what she is being called at first, but of course once she does know what people are saying she would be very unsettled by someone using another name for her. So of course you know your mother in law will want to make a good connection to her new grandchild right from the start.

If this tactic doesn't work I would simply ignore her. But personally I would rather build bridges than fences and I think once baby is here she will melt and if she does not then I guess she will damage not only her relationship with her new grandchild but also with her son.

I think once she sees you are set she will back down.

Good luck.

Please do let us know how it all works out! Grin

Sp1rals · 17/09/2014 17:31

Sometimes I get so angry reading things like this that I actually wish it would happen to me so I would have the satisfaction of telling her to go fuck herself Angry

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