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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Baby name regret - I think I'm going mad.......!

36 replies

AmIgoingnuts · 20/08/2014 22:56

Sorry in advance for the very long post but I really need some advice as I think I'm going mad. My gorgeous baby girl is now over a year old. When she was born I was convinced I was having a boy. After her birth I felt pressured into naming her quickly - we had a few short listed girls names, but hadn't really given it a lot of thought. We promptly decided on a name which was on our shortlist and I felt v happy with, although I did mention to my dh that I felt slightly concerned had pronunciation variations. After a few months I became a bit obsessed about her name and felt that we had given her the "wrong" one after a few people had mispronounced it or misheard it. After many tearful discussions with DH, we finally decided to insert a new 1st name on her birth certificate which I thought I felt happier with.

Having decided on this new name and officially adding it to her birth certificate, I kept hearing the new chosen name EVERYWHERE (the original name we had chosen is quite unusual - although not unheard of). I find there are often other babies with the same name in the classes that we attend and whilst I do think the new name is lovely, I feel I have done her a real disservice choosing such a popular name in place of a rather beautiful and very much less used name. In retrospect, I feel I acted in haste in changing her name initially - I think I was consumed with "baby blues" and put all my angst into her name choice. Not a day goes by (a year on now) that I don't think about her original name - I wake up at night and obsess about it and I think I am going completely mad. I often call her by both names together (ie new 1st name and old 1st name) so her original name is certainly not alien to her. I am however increasingly thinking that we should have kept her original name and I feel really very upset about it.

So, would it be completely bonkers to revert to the old name now?? It is officially now her middle name so is still on her birth certificate. My dh could probably be persuaded to change back as he loved our original choice, but I am keen to hear other peoples' thoughts on this matter. I know people may think I am crazy, but I would rather get this sorted while she is too little to remember!

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looki · 21/08/2014 01:49

Use her middle name.

Have you read this board and seen the amount of effort that goes into choosing middle names? The reason is for situations like this.

p.s. I have name regret too but in my case its both first and middle names.....if I could choose again, I'd call my daughter Tabitha!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 20/08/2014 23:41

My advice would be to revert back to her original name now, whilst you still can. There's no need to change anything officially again - as others have said, lots of people are known by their middle name & schools etc. will generally ask for the child's 'full name' and 'name known as' (or words to that effect) on registration forms nowadays.

As for people thinking you're bonkers - they'll get over it. Better that than a lifetime of regret over your DD's name.

FWIW, I have slight name regret over two out of three of my DCs names! I do still like their first names, but just have this feeling that we could have done better for them IYSWIM. With DD, she has a name I have loved since I was a child. Now that I have to use it multiple times a day I've gone off it a little & find myself wishing that one of her middle names was her first name Sad. She knows her name too well now though for it to be possible to change it (3).

HaroldLloyd · 20/08/2014 23:37

I know quite a few people known by their middle name, and children too. It's fine.

Sophronia · 20/08/2014 23:35

I'd just go for it and not worry about what other people might think. Smile

MrsRuffdiamond · 20/08/2014 23:33

Basically, it's nobody else's business but yours and your dh's. If it gets queried, just brazen it out in a 'well, that's what we've decided' sort of way! It's not as though it's a completely new name.

Original poster
AmIgoingnuts · 20/08/2014 23:25

Thank you so much for the replies and support. I know we don't have to change it officially as fortunately we kept it as one of her middle names, but we would have to announce the change to everyone again which I'm sure would be met with much surprise having already changed it once! I'm sure people would think we were truly bonkers for our indecision over a year down the line don't you think??

OP posts:
Lookingforfocus · 20/08/2014 23:19

For what it's worth looking back a few of us realise we had various anxious "obsessions" when our kids were small - 5 and younger. Whether it's hormones or the huge responsibility of a new little life (or two, three or more) you are not going mad. It seems to be par for the course when being a mum. Do what you need to do to feel sane and don't feel guilt at waking up at night obsessing. Everyone I know has done it over something or other when our kids were young. Wine Flowers

MrsRuffdiamond · 20/08/2014 23:13

If your dh is fine with it, then I think you should call your dd by your preferred name. That's the benefit of having more than one forename! If she is used to hearing it, then I wouldn't even give it a second thought. You can always say to people that you've decided to use her middle name, as it suits her personality better!

Slothlorian · 20/08/2014 23:08

Do it.
I didn't and my ds still has the wrong name :-(
It's too late now he's 3. But it still doesn't feel right. I'm full of regret.

Linguaphile · 20/08/2014 23:06

I'd start using her old name again and just keep it as-is on her birth certificate. I know loads of people who go by their middle name! If she and your family are familiar with it, I doubt the switch will be difficult. I'm dying to know what both names are now, though!

I also have name regret with my nearly one year old, for what it's worth. It's just her middle name (seems a bit out there and hippie-ish now, whereas it felt fresh and sophisticated at the time), so not really worth changing, but it does keep me up at night kicking myself sometimes! :(

WaffleWiffle · 20/08/2014 23:06

I know lots of people who are known by their middle name rather than their first name. You don't necessarily need to change it.