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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

DH really wants to use his late mum's name...

133 replies

rosielea · 05/05/2014 10:10

Hello, I'm pregnant with DC3 at the moment, don't know if it's a boy or girl, we have 2 DDs already. My Dh's mum passed away 6 years ago, she was a lovely woman who he was very close with, I only knew her for a short time but I liked her very much.
He didn't suggest her name for our 2 DDs I think because he was still very sad about her death but this time he would really like to use her name. Her name was Maisie, well Mary but known only as Maisie. I think it's fine as a name, not ever what I would choose myself but I don't hate it.
I feel a bit sad that if I agree then all the fun of name choosing is over! And that I wouldn't get to use any of my preferred names but I can't decide if I'm just being petty and should agree as it means alot to him? What would you do?x

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Gemerama · 05/05/2014 16:59

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Original poster
rosielea · 05/05/2014 16:58

This thread has got a life of it's own!
My DH and I jointly named our other 2 DDs, I guess I did think of their names but only because I spent more time coming up with names and running them past him and he would be 'no, no, no, yes!. Naming is definitely a joint decision!
I really don't mind the name Maisie at all in isolation, I think a big part of my hesitation is the fact that it is a name with such strong associations for half of our extended family. On the other hand I like it for just that reason, I think that was my reasoning with asking on mn, just to see what others would think in the same situation and it seems pretty split.
I only gave examples of the names I was considering to show the difference in name styles, obviously name choices are so subjective it's hard to know how relevant other peoples opinions on them are!

OP posts:
Martorana · 05/05/2014 16:26

No mumsnetter's child could possibly be named after a MIL- because MIL's are not actually members of the family. (Cf the use of the term somewhere on the thread "a dead relative" - as if a MIL is equivalent to a 4th cousin 6 times removed.)

For what it's worth, my ds is named after my FIL. He has a very nice name- possibly not my first choice, but I liked it very much. Using the name gave so much pleasure to so many people, starting with Dp. And ds loves the history of his name, and has never shown the slightest sign of not being his own person, or being overshadowed by having a name that goes back in dp's family since around 1500.

squoosh · 05/05/2014 16:14

Oh diddums, why else do people start any thread on MN if not seek other people's opinions?

beershuffle · 05/05/2014 16:12

Yeah asking randoms online. Important opinions compared to those of the other parent of the child,dont you think?

RufusTheReindeer · 05/05/2014 16:09

I don't think middle name is a cop out at all

My daughter is her own person

(Although I did think for a long time that she was a reincarnation of my mum)

squoosh · 05/05/2014 16:05

'Id say ignoring your oh for frivolous selfishness is up there.'

For God's sake she's not ignoring him is she? She's trying to make a decision, she hasn't decided outright that she won't agree to naming the child after her grandmother.

squoosh · 05/05/2014 16:03

And so I assume their other children's names were a joint decision, not that the OP had forced her preferred names.

ExcuseTypos · 05/05/2014 16:02

Maise Elizabeth is lovely.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 16:02

And so? If she doesn't want to use it, tell him. Middle name cop out is just that. If my spouse tried to name my child Frances, however, there would be words.

tootiredtothink · 05/05/2014 16:01

I think you should use Maisie. Lovely name and your DH has as much right to choose as you do. You can have the fun of choosing her middle name.

beershuffle · 05/05/2014 16:00

Er, whatever. I stsnd by my point. One partner has a strong feeling for a name for a very good reason. One wants the fun of choosing and wants to use her own choices, over the others wishes. Its a no brainer really, and if you want to call something cunty, Id say ignoring your oh for frivolous selfishness is up there.
Just my opinion.

TheScience · 05/05/2014 16:00

I think if you like the name, and it means a lot to your DH, you should use it.

You've had the fun of choosing with your older two, and you can still choose a boys name.

RufusTheReindeer · 05/05/2014 15:59

My dead mothers name is my daughters middle name

It did make picking her first name very difficult as I feel that lots of names don't go with it

But as soon as I found I was pregnant again following her death there was no discussion. But it was middle name only

I don't think you need to have it as a first name

squoosh · 05/05/2014 15:57

No, if you read it again you'll she said he didn't suggest his mother's name for the first two.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 15:56

She said he did not suggest any names for their first two, squoosh, so who chose them, the Sorting Hat?

squoosh · 05/05/2014 15:56

An honesty free zone? Ha! Clearly it's not if you read any of the threads. Hate to break it to you but you're no pioneer.

PeachandRaspberry · 05/05/2014 15:54

I agree with expat, only time you ever find out someone's middle name is at exam times and when you wrestle their passport off them to find out how bad their photo is.

Why not put Mary/ Maisie on the front runner list and see what she looks (if she is indeed a she) like when she arrives?

beershuffle · 05/05/2014 15:53

I dont know, I think a bit of cunty goes a long way. Or is baby names an honesty free zone?

squoosh · 05/05/2014 15:50

beershuffle no need to be quite so cunty.

squoosh · 05/05/2014 15:49

She doesn't say she got to choose the names for the other two children. It sounds as though they were a joint decision.

beershuffle · 05/05/2014 15:49

She likes the name fine, she says in op. But she likes the fun of choosing. Dead mothers arent fun, you see.

slimsoon · 05/05/2014 15:48

You are so lucky you had a well named MIL. Maisie is gorgeous and it is a lovely tribute .

expatinscotland · 05/05/2014 15:47

Then don't use it at all. She got to name the other two. But hey, just tell him you don't like it rather than take the cop out route with the ol' middle name twaddle.

Frances? Jesus wept! Oh, but she is a gorgeous black, Syrian hamster!

squoosh · 05/05/2014 15:42

But if she doesn't like the name Mary/Maise she shouldn't feel pressurised to agree to it.

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