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Baby names

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Original poster

Surname dilemma

63 replies

Level75 · 28/04/2014 18:43

I've got a different surname from my DH. I don't see why our son should have his surname. My surname is very rare and I'd like to pass it on but I can appreciate that this isn't fair either. Double barrelled would be too long.
Has anyone else been in this situation and if so how did you work it out?

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Martorana · 28/04/2014 20:32

Hyphenate. Honestly- long name not a problem. Don't go for the middle name option- people just say that to shut up women who might otherwise want their child to have their name. It just gives the father's name by default.

And, for the love of God, don't fall into the "women's last name" trap. You know, those last names that only women have, that are hard to spell, or awkward, or sound ugly, or are boring. So that it's so much better to use the man's name, because it's easy to spell, or exciting or unusual or beautiful..............

McFox · 28/04/2014 20:25

We're choosing to use my DH's the surname for the baby based on the fact that it sounds awesome with the names we've picked rather than using mine, which doesn't.

I know what you mean though - my dad and DH went for a pint last week and my dad was telling him that he can't understand why I don't just change my name, he thinks I'm being daft. That really annoys me.

Original poster
Level75 · 28/04/2014 20:01

Oh I'm not saying our choice would be governed by who got custody if we split. We've been together 19 years and I see no chance of that. It's more an observation on wider society and the fact that if we though practically rather than traditionally the woman's surname might get used more.
Squashing the names together was actually an option we discussed but then we couldn't agree on who got the start and who got the end.
I went to school with siblings that all had the surname Rivers and the parents had their birth surnames so that's not a novel suggestion.
I'm just hoping that DH gives in!

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PukousMucous · 28/04/2014 19:56

Hugh fearnley-Whittingstall pulls off a 7 syllable double barrelled surname. I like it.

PotteringAlong · 28/04/2014 19:49

You cannot choose your child's surname on the basis that you're more likely to get custody than your partner if you split up...

Would your partner change his surname to yours and you could all have the same name? Or do the middle name thing?

kimlo · 28/04/2014 19:47

Double barrel it then just use yours for day to day.

GimmeDaBoobehz · 28/04/2014 19:46

Might sound ludicrous but why not choose a completely different surname - so it's not unfair on one of you.

I find it quite sad when someone is already talking about possible break up before their baby is even born. I understand - it's just horrible to have to think like that.

Or you could shorten them both and make them into a surname in their own right for example:

DHs surname is Harrison
your name is Javier
New surname Harrier or Jarrison?

Yep, probably stupid but just don't know how else it can be 'equal'.

Original poster
Level75 · 28/04/2014 19:43

I've heard of the middle name suggestion before but no one has ever suggested it gets his as a middle name and mine as the surname. Most people seem to think it's completely crazy to suggest my surname. I just don't understand why in most people's solutions it's the woman's name that gets pushed out or to the middle.

Lots of relationships break up and usually the mum ends up with greater custody of the kids, so for that reason alone it makes more sense for babies to get the mum's name.

OP posts:
squoosh · 28/04/2014 19:38

You could pass it on as a middle name?

Personally I'd go double barrel. He doesn't need to use both name day to day but it but it's seems more egalitarian to me for a child to receive both parent's surname. Father's surname as automatic default aggravates me.

McFox · 28/04/2014 19:36

We're in this situation and leaning towards giving our baby my surname as a middle name because double-barrelling would sound ridiculous - it's too long at 5 syllables. Would that work for you?

alita7 · 28/04/2014 19:30

not quite the same but I'm grumpy that we probably won't get the chance to get married before hand as I want baby to have his surname but I want it too so I have the same name as baby.

Original poster
Level75 · 28/04/2014 19:09

4 syllables but I think that's too long.
The boy /girl thing might have been an option if I didn't know it was a boy!
We're only likely to have 1 so it's not like I'd get a shot having a girl.

OP posts:
Hassled · 28/04/2014 18:47

How many syllables are we talking with the double-barrelled approach? I double-barrelled, but DH and I both have single syllable surnames so it was fine - but a friend's child has a 5 syllable d-b surname and actually, it's OK.

I know some couples decide that daughters will take the mother's name, sons the father's (or vice-versa) - would that work?

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