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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

The issue of middle names....

34 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2014 12:50

My husband has somehow managed to convince me that our soon-to-be son's middle name will be his own father's name such as is tradition. I was really anti the idea at the time as I don't want an 'old name' as a middle name but I have since relented and accepted my baby's fate

The compromise we came to is that baby will have 2 middle names and I get to choose the other. Brilliant, I thought....except I have no idea what to go for I know a lot of people say middle names should be 'family' names and have meaning, so would it be fickle to just pick a random name simply because I liked it? Part of me is also feeling that as one middle name is DH's dad's name, the 2nd middle name should be my dad's name so to avoid any issues of 'favouritism'? But then baby will have two 'old names' in his name.

Our favourite name so far for our little boy is Arran, so he will be Arran John (another middle name) and our surname, which is one syllable being with a W. I really like the name Harrison you see but don't know if it works as a middle name.

Why is naming a baby such a minefield??
How can it cause such angst??

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Lebkuchenlover · 10/01/2014 11:16

You never use your middle names so choose whatever you like and/or what means a lot to you!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 10/01/2014 10:27

Ahh thanks STBSG and diddly - the more I say it to myself the more I like it!!

I asked my sister if anything occurred to her when she heard the names John and Michael and straight away she said Peter Pan I'm just hoping one of the Lost Boys isn't called Arran (or a form of it) or people may think I have an obsession with the film.....

OP posts:

diddl · 10/01/2014 10:23

Michael is lovely.

I prefer it to Arran tbh.

But Arran John Michael is great imo.

soontobeslendergirl · 10/01/2014 09:36

That sounds lovely, I know you said your dad wasn't fussed, but I bet he will be really chuffed if you used a bit of his name.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 10/01/2014 08:25

I have been thinking hard about it - maybe too hard and that's the problem, lol.

In my pregnancy insomnia I was going over this in my mind at about 02.00am and am now think ping I might use my dad's middle name as my sons middle name. I definitely don't want to use my dad's first name (sorry dad) but I'm softening towards his middle name, which is Michael.

Arran John Michael (surname beginning with W)

But aren't John and Michael the names of the two brothers in Peter Pan?

OP posts:

BNmum · 09/01/2014 08:01

I think if you've thought long and hard (which it sounds like you have) and still don't like John, you should scrap it and find a middle name(s) that you both like.

I'm in a similar discussion with DH who would like to use his fathers name (which I don't like) and using my fathers name to 'balance it out' won't help as I don't like that name either so we've decided to scrap this idea and find something we both like.

It sounds silly but I don't want anything to put a dampner of the birth of my next child and I can't help thinking that giving it a name that I really dislike would affect that experience - stupid really as I know I love him no matter what.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 09/01/2014 07:31

Thank you for all your thoughts Frik - my main issue is that I want a name that I like, not some name that I'm not fond of just because someone else in the family is named it. That's an interesting idea about using a masculine form of my mom's name (another concept I've never heard off) but again, the problem would be that I just don't like it. If we were having a girl it was always planned my mother's name would be the baby's middle name hence why my husband has had his way with his father's name being our son's middle name. It is extremely unlikely there will be another baby after this one and even if there were, he still wouldn't have my father's name as his middle name because I'm just not keen on it my dad did once suggest using his own middle name (as opposed to his first name) as the baby's surname but I told him no way (it's a name that just isn't anymore and one I don't particularly like) and he didn't seem to mind, he laughed it off

OP posts:

Frikadellen · 08/01/2014 17:33

Personally I like mns to be after family. However I know others are not that keen on this.

John however is a perfectly decent mn not offensive or something people will think odd.

I don't care for Harrison and I think it sounds odd with Arron

Not sure why you feel your dads name is out (And how about next time if you have another boy will he feel left out if his name is not used?)

Could your mothers name be used in its masculine form? (Like if she is Patricia - Patrick ) Or a grandmothers like this?

With my children

dd1 with her mn is named after my paternal grandmother & mil as the English form of this Danish name is a variant of Mils MN.

DD 2 is named after my SIL (mostly because they name just went perfectly with the First name)

DS after Bil (who died many years before I got to know DH)

DD3 after my step grandfather she has the feminine version of his name as hers.

for 2nd mn they all have the maiden name of FIL's mother (that went down VERY well with everyone on that side of the family )

Close friend simply picked 2 names they really liked

Another set of friends agreed on a first name then each picked their personal favourite as a mn..

callamia · 08/01/2014 17:18

Is there a very old family name that hasn't been continued from those generations ago? Might be time for a resurrection.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 08/01/2014 12:41

Well I have open to my mom and would you believe it, there have been no males born directly into our family for the last 4 generations My Great-Grandma had 2 brothers but they were both disowned from the family for carrying out some very bad behaviours. There are obviously men in the family tree but they aren't our blood line as such, just the men who married the women who are.

My 5 year old niece has asked me repeatedly if we can call the baby Brian, which is the name of one of my cats. I explained that her if would be confusing having two Brian's in the house but she's adamant it will be fine. Maybe I'll suggest it to my DH as the 2nd middle name instead...

OP posts:

impatientlywaiting · 08/01/2014 02:25

I'm another one who is going to use my maiden (and current surname as I didn't change my name when I got married) for our son's second middle name. Think that any subsequent children we have will all have my surname as their second middle name.

Think the idea of you looking back through your mum's family tree for a nice sounding name (either first or second) is really good.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2014 22:26

- I certainly don't dislike it, it's just never occurred to me. I will definitely have a think about it. I just feel that a longer name might be be better as the other names are only 1 & 2 syllables...it all just sounds a bit blunt.

OP posts:

soontobeslendergirl · 07/01/2014 22:20

..although it is another island so your son would have two island names :)

soontobeslendergirl · 07/01/2014 22:20

I know several, it is a name!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2014 22:13

I have never classed Harris as a real name.....not sure why....
Maybe it's because I have never met or heard of one?

OP posts:

soontobeslendergirl · 07/01/2014 21:56

Arran John Harris W.... instead of Harrison?

Dromedary · 07/01/2014 21:28

I think the main point of a middle name is that the child can swop to using that name if he doesn't like his first name. I know a few people who have actually done that. So I would choose a different type of name for the middle name - eg if the first one is fancy, make the middle name plainer or one that is more commonly used. Rather than using someone else's name which may not even be a nice name, or another fancy name because you the parent happen to like fancy names (he the child may not).

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2014 21:23

I'm glad you like Harrison and don't think it sounds weird It was originally going to be our chosen first name until DH suddenly plucked Arran out of somewhere

WWW - my mums maiden name is pretty silly and as Sods Law would have it, her dad's name is also John which means if I used her family name as a second name my baby's name would still have the full name of one of his Grandad's in there (albeit his great grandad)

I have a feeling when we announce the baby's name my Grandad (my mum's dad) will think the John is in reference to him anyway

OP posts:

WhenWhyWhere · 07/01/2014 21:10

What about yourMums maiden name?

WhenWhyWhere · 07/01/2014 21:09

WriterWannabe. That sounds like a really good reason for having an extra middle name. . I think Harrison would be a great middle name then.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2014 21:07

thegreathunt - apart from my dad, the rest of the wider family on his side (I.e his relatives with my previous surname) are not people I'd be at all bothered about my son having a link with To say my dad's side of the family is dysfunctional is an understatement! I would much prefer to give a name that links him to my mum's side of the family actually, I will have to have a look back through her family tree for any inspiring names

OP posts:

TheGreatHunt · 07/01/2014 21:04

I used my maiden name for my first dc.
It's not a pretty name or whatever - the important thing for me was he'd have a connection to his wider family. His first name is the one that will be said aloud - that was the one I agonised over!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2014 21:00

Ps) typo error in my post above: I meant that although my friend isn't married to the baby's father, the baby still has his surname My friend doesn't have his surname obviously

OP posts:

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2014 20:59

It's interesting you say that callamia because I'd never heard of that concept before but my friend just had a baby girl and when naming her gave her own surname as the middle name. My friend isn't married to the father but does have his surname, so my friend wanted her own surname in there too. She didn't want a double barrelled surname so instead did what you suggested. And oddly enough it works really well - her surname, and daughter's middle name is Stone.

Unfortunately, I don't like my maiden name and it would make a ridiculous middle name

Another reason I'm apprehensive about Arran John is that I'm aware people may start calling him AJ. My husband sees no problem with this, and actually quite likes the idea, whereas I'm a bit more unsure about it. I know nicknames can't be controlled though and if it happens, it happens

OP posts:

callamia · 07/01/2014 20:49

Your maiden name as a middle name?
I still use mine for most things, but didn't want to double-barrel, so my son has it for his second middle name.

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