mum's surname or dad's?

Just from a childs point of view, my parents separated when I was 4, my brother was born when I was 7 and had my mum's new partners surname. They married a couple of years later and although now divorced my mum has kept that married surname. So I've always had a different surname from my brother and had a different surname from my mum for many years and it never bothered me or anything. May be different scenario though as my sister shares both parents and name and my dad has been in my life the whole time so was never the only one with a different name.

That was probably gobbledook wasn't it...

He could do what thousands of women do and have a professional name and a private name.

Just sayin' like

I like my surname (it's very anonymous) and will never change it if I ever get married. My LO will have DP's surname and it was a trade off as he got the surname and I got to choose the first name.

I have no desire to have the same surname as my child although I think I understand why some people want the family to all have the same surname or use a double barrel to create a sense of "familyness."

I think if DP wants to all be the same as a family he should change his name to yours. Much more sensible than making your older daughter change hers.

One family I know gave the children their mother's surname and when the partners got married the husband took his wife's surname.

I am sure it is in Spain that children take the mother's surname. Why other's don't is down to convention.

Some of my DH's family were a bit funny about DS1 not having one of their side's names as a first name. Goodness he has their surname, was that not enough! Both my boys have a part of my surname (it's double barrelled) as middle names.

As your first baby has your surname already, then DEFINITELY your name.

You are giving birth to this baby - you have as much right if not more for it to have your surname. Also, it quite simply makes more sense. I have read here several times people commenting on how silly it is really for the male surname to be the one carried down, given that in the event of a split over 90% of children end up living with their mother. If you want your baby to have your surname and that of her sister, just do it - it means that in the event of a split, you don't have a family of three with one child the odd one out. Also, this way, the siblings have an extra bond between them. Very important.

If your DP isn't happy, then there is his impetus to JOIN your family in marriage... and when you do, part of that can be all of you changing your names to a new family name. Perhaps his, perhaps yours, or more fairly a new either hyphenated or chosen name.

I think the first consideration is if wither of you have a name with the potential for embarrassment, one of my friends is name that is also used to mean 'penis', her son has his father's name just for this reason.

I was thinking along the same lines as Amanda. Surely one thing to consider is consistency for DD1 so she doesn't end up with a totally different name to the rest of the family. The easiest and fairest thing IMO would be to double-barrell the new baby. If you and DP marry in the future you can double-barrel if you want, but this way everyone still shares a name. (I'm not married and our baby will be Baby Hisname Myname when it is born). I also think the parent who pushes the child out of an oriface gets the final say on naming them.

We married but I kept my name. DH very supportive of double barrelling our surnames for kids. Worked for us, but it is a huuuuge name and the kids might just be able to spell it by the time they're 13. At a push. We have agreed that if the kids want to drop one of the names when they're older that's fine with us too.

DD1 was born before I married DH but we were engaged at the time. Gave her his surname as she would always be his DD too even if we weren't together. Have since had 2 more DC with a 4th on the way and they all have/will have the same surname. Only thing I had to do was to change my name on DD1's registration of birth as it still had my maiden name on once we married.

Sorry, phrased that badly. I shouldn't have said 'biological dad' in the first sentence. I was thinking of the example of my friend I was about to give where it is very much 'biological dad' and 'dad'. Your situation could be very different with an involved co-parent and that could sound insulting. Sorry.

If you marry you will all change to your DP's surname - is your DD's biological dad on board with that?

I ask because a friend did this. DD had her name. Met and married DH and changed her name. DD2 & DD3 have his name. DD1's dad, despite not being in her life, will not consent to a name change. So DD1 doesn't have anyone who shares her name but her maternal grandmother (grandfather deceased). Which I think she finds tough.

I am married and kept my name. (Why would you change to his name if you married?) DD has her father's name. This pisses me off tbh, but when I was pregnant he pushed so hard for her to have his, that to insist on mine would have felt like a really aggressive move (why he shouldn't have felt the same way, I don't know - well, I do, it's male entitlement and the weight of tradition, but logically no reason). Both names are a mouthful, no way we could double barrel or even feasibly give both - they just wouldn't have fit on most forms! I was disappointed in him, I have to say. I think part of the reason I gave in is because aesthetically I prefer his surname to mine, and my family (and therefore my name) has some negative connotations for me. Still pisses me off though!

A male friend recently got married and they have merged their names ie Mr Banana and Miz Apple have become Mr and Mrs Banapple. I really like that.

DD has my partners surname so she's got a different last name to me. It's always been my plan to double barrel my name when we get married so I'll never have exactly the same name as my children but this doesn't bother me.

I didn't feel pressured into agreeing for dd to have his name and he's offered for us all to double barrel our names when we're married but I'm fine not to. It's whatever fits in with you.

Sorry, that looks MUCH more smug than intended!

Well he should've married you then! Like other posters said, you can always change it if/when you marry, but if you split you can't change it back. Bet you're glad you gave dd1 your surname aren't you?

Dd has Dp's name. We aren't married and if/ when we do get married I will probably not change my name. Very comfortable with her having his name.

Have you suggested to your partner that he changes his name to your name op? He can do it by deed poll and then have the same name as you and baby?

I would go with yours or double barrelled, its just patriarchal tradition that dictates children have their fathers surname....

We gave DS,DP's surname as we are engaged, intend to get married and take his name

Use yours - we went with DPs - thought i was fine with that but I'm so not fine... I hate that i have a different name to my DS. I never say his full name if i can help it (i know lots of people aren't bothered and that I'm possibly being unreasonable myself but that's just how i feel op)

I am married and changed my name, so we all share one.

If we hadn't, I would have double barrelled. I cannot imagine not sharing a name with my children (indeed, it was the biggest factor in changing my name when we married).

Both... My daughter has both our surnames not double barrelled, she has two surnames...

My dcs have their father's surname

We have since split up

I don't regret them having his name, they are part of him and a different name won't change that

Me having a different surname makes no difference to me, they are obviously my children regardless of what they are called